“Yeah?” His dark eyes-Ethan’s eyes-lit up.
She stood and ruffled his hair. “It’ll be a grown-up thing. Melissa and Abby will be back soon and we’re going to the pool. Want to get changed and go with us?”
“Sure.”
He dashed toward the house, then paused and looked at his dad. He ran back, hugged Ethan, then took off again.
Liz stared after him, feeling her world right itself. Denise had called it exactly as everything had played out. At least from Tyler’s point of view.
She turned to Ethan. “How did it go?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Damn, I missed you, Liz.”
She thought about their last conversation. How he’d hurt her with his thoughtless words. It wasn’t his fault, she told herself. Why would he offer more? She’d never bothered to tell him how she felt and now she never would. Not when she was staying in town.
“Did you two get along okay?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Great. He’s a good kid. But there’s a whole lot more work involved than I realized. A few hours here and there is easier than taking care of him full-time.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I’m nearly as exciting as he thought I’d be. Regular life taught us both something.”
“That was the point.”
He moved closer. “Liz, I never wanted to take him from you. Okay, maybe at first, but not now. I care about you both. We have to work something out.”
She held up a hand to stop him. It was oddly difficult to be this close to him, to hear him talk. Probably because as much as she’d hated how he’d proposed, there was a part of her that couldn’t help dreaming about how it could have been. If he’d loved her back.
“We have to talk about it,” he continued, ignoring her gesture to stop. “We meet with the judge next week.”
“It won’t be a problem,” she said. “I’m staying in Fool’s Gold.”
He stared at her. “What about your life in San Francisco?”
“I’ll sell the house and move here. It won’t be that difficult. Tyler wants to stay, as do the girls. If I’m here, you and I can co-parent him. I won’t live in this house, so I’ll make sure I buy something close to you. Tyler can spend alternating weeks with each of us. That should satisfy the judge and you’ll both be happy.”
She had already talked to Peggy, who was interested in moving to small-town America. “It should only take me a week or so to get things organized back there. If you’ll take Tyler, I’ll ask your Mom and Montana to split duties with the girls while I get everything settled. I’ll make sure I’m back before everyone starts school.”
“What do you get out of the deal?” he asked.
“I get to make my family happy. There are things I don’t like about this place, but the good far outweighs the bad. Eventually people will stop telling me whether or not they support what I did with you and Tyler. I’m a writer, Ethan. I can work anywhere.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
Because being close to him, knowing that she’d never been able to forget him or get over him, wasn’t her idea of a good time. Because the love inside of her seemed to grow bigger every day. Eventually he would find someone. Who wouldn’t love Ethan? And then she would have to smile and pretend she was happy while he went off with someone else.
“I’m tired,” she answered. “I missed having Tyler around.” She glanced toward the house. “I need to get inside. We’re going to the pool.”
She started past him. He grabbed her wrist and held her in place.
“Wait.” He stared into her eyes. “Liz, we belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”
She had a bad feeling about where he was going and she didn’t think she could survive it again. “Don’t.”
“Hear me out. I’m sorry about what I said before. I don’t want to marry you because it’s practical. I want to marry you because I love you.”
He released her then, as if confident the words were enough to keep her where he wanted her.
“We can be a family together. The five of us. I was going to tell you that I’d move to San Francisco to be with you. But this is better. This is home, Liz, for all of us.”
They were good words, she admitted, feeling the sadness pour through her. Nice words. Telling her that he would move added a little touch of sacrifice. Playing the kid card was good, too. Easy enough now that she was staying.
“No,” she said and started for the house.
“What?” He came after her. “Why not?”
She paused by the back porch and looked at him. “I don’t believe you. Oh, I think you want to marry me. It makes everything tidy. Besides, I’m the mother of your child and it’s the right thing to do. But love? You never loved me. Not then, not now.”
She drew her gardening gloves from her pocket and squeezed them in her hand. “You haven’t loved anyone outside of your family. I’m not sure why that is. If you’re afraid to care that much or if there’s no need. You’ve always been blessed with everything you want. Even now, you’re getting your son with very little effort on your part.”
“Is that what this is about? I haven’t suffered enough?”
“No. It’s about risking everything. Putting your heart on the line, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public.”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“I loved you, Ethan. I gave you everything I had. Not just my heart and my soul, but my body. I’d spent years being called a whore and being propositioned and lied about, so I protected myself. I didn’t care about anyone. Until you. I was a virgin and you called me a slut in front of your friends. You said I wasn’t worthy.”
“I know. I’m the one who wasn’t worthy. I never have been.”
Hearing that didn’t make her feel any better. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m letting the past go. This is the last time we’ll talk about it. I loved you then and I still love you. But I won’t marry you. I won’t be one more thing you got right. We’ll raise Tyler together, in this town. That’s going to have to be enough.”
She walked up the steps to the porch, crossed the refinished wood and stepped into the house.
For a second she allowed herself to hope. To believe that he would come after her, tell her that she was wrong. That of course he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would beg and plead and she would allow herself to be convinced because that’s all it would take. A little effort on his part.
But there was nothing. Finally she turned around and he was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“HOW DRUNK DO YOU WANT TO get?” Raoul asked as he poured another Scotch and handed it to Ethan.
“I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”
“Not a great plan,” Josh told him from his place on the opposite sofa. “You’re already going to feel plenty of pain in the morning.”
The three men were sprawled in Ethan’s living room. It wasn’t even dark and they were already plastered. At least Ethan was-he couldn’t speak for his friends. They were probably being more careful.
As for a hangover, bring it on. Maybe a pounding head would help him forget what Liz had said to him that morning.
“She doesn’t believe I love her,” he mumbled into his drink.
“Liz Sutton,” Josh said to Raoul. “It’s a long story.”
“Not long,” Ethan replied. “I got her pregnant, turned my back on her and didn’t love her enough.” He frowned. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I’d known, I woulda married her. Which makes me the bad guy. Doing the right thing is wrong. You two know that?”
“She’s not mad because you would have married her,” Josh explained.
“Then why?”
His friend shifted on the sofa. “Women are complicated.”
“She said I don’t love her. I do. Always did. I never saw that before.” He gulped more Scotch. “There was always something about her.”