“Why?” he demanded, his voice tight. He closed the gap between us and took hold of my upper arms. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me?”
I shoved him hard, pissed off that he could be so freaking dense. “Because I love you, you stupid son of a bitch! I always have!” Now that I was on a roll, I had to let it all out, all the pain, all the frustration from the decades of longing for someone I didn’t think could ever be mine. “I fell in love with you the day we arrived when I saw the soul of you. It killed me to see you with Red all that time. And then when you married Juliet . . . I didn’t think I could ever get over that pain, but I just wanted you to be happy. Then I saw you that day in the lab, and everything I’d been trying to forget came rushing back in an instant.”
“Trish . . .” He reached for me, but I deflected his hand.
“When I saw what was in Juliet’s thoughts that night, it broke my heart,” I went on, not letting him derail me as the words came tumbling out. “Because when you’re not being a total jackass, Nicky, you’re the most noble, honorable man I’ve ever met. And you deserve to be loved by a woman who’s worthy of you!”
He shook his head. “The things I’ve done—especially since Juliet died—I’m not the man I was the day we came over. You don’t know me anymore. There’s a lot I deserve, probably none of it good. But I know one thing for sure—I don’t deserve you, Trish.”
I grunted, disgusted with his self-pity. “Screw it,” I muttered, going around him to get to the door. I didn’t know where I was going; I just knew I didn’t want to be there with him at the moment. “This is bullshit. I’m done.”
“Trish!” Nicky called as I reached for the door.
“I don’t think you could possibly have anything else to say to me,” I shot back, hand on the doorknob. “I told you I love you, and you threw it back in my face. I think how you feel is pretty freaking clear. I see now that I’m just another notch in your belt.”
“I wasn’t finished,” he said, suddenly standing behind me, his body wrapping around mine, his breath hot in my ear. I shuddered as his arm slid around my waist and pulled me into the curve of his body. “I don’t deserve you, but that doesn’t make me want you any less.”
I peeled his arm away from me and stepped out of his grasp. “You want me?” I repeated, not about to let him off the hook that easily. “Is that the best you can do? Don’t think you can just kiss me and make everything better, Nicky. I’m still pissed at you!”
He shoved his hands into his pockets, his expression more tortured than I’d ever seen it. “You have every right to be. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You never should’ve had to call Gideon. You needed me, and I wasn’t there for you.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “And?”
He clenched his jaw, a fiery look coming to life in his eyes. “And, it would’ve killed me if you’d been hurt, if I’d—” His voice caught and he looked away for a moment and had to clear his throat a couple of times before he turned his gaze back to me and continued, “If I’d lost you.”
I swallowed hard as he came slowly toward me. His steps were tentative, but as he took my face in his hands his gaze was so intense that I frowned at him. “Nicky? Are you okay?”
“Not without you,” he ground out, cupping my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. He smoothed my hair, his amber gaze boring into mine. “Trish, when you saw my soul that day we came over, I saw yours, too. And I got another look that day you held my hand after the attack, kept me alive by what had to be willpower alone. But it wasn’t until I started reading all those damned reports, getting into your head, that I really started to see what an amazing woman you are. And I don’t know when it happened—hell, maybe it was when you threw yourself into my arms that first time—but somewhere along the way, I fell for you.”
I blinked, tears blurring my vision. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, couldn’t believe that the words I’d dreamed of for so long were hanging in the air between us.
“I love you, Trish,” he said, his thumb skimming over my bottom lip. “And, I swear to God, I won’t ever let you down again.” Then he was kissing me, his lips so loving and tender, they stole my breath. If he’d never uttered another word of love to me, that kiss would have assured me what was truly in his heart. And when I snaked my arms around his neck, drawing him closer to me, his kiss became more insistent.
“Goddamn,” he muttered against my mouth, his hands roaming over the satin of my negligee, “where the hell did you get this thing?”
I chuckled as I pressed a line of kisses along his jaw. “You don’t want to know,” I whispered, nipping at his ear. “Want me to take it off?”
“God no,” he said, his voice gruff. “It’s sexy as hell.” His hands were rough as he shoved the nighty up, baring me to him. I gasped as he hefted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing my back against the wall. His mouth was on mine again as he tore at the fly of his pants. Then he was pressing into me, each rough stroke sending me careening toward ecstasy. I grasped fistfuls of his sweater, moaning against his kiss, urging him on. I came quickly, my scream strangled in my throat for fear of drawing Gideon’s attention, but Nicky apparently had no such reservations.
“Damn,” I panted, smoothing the damp hair from his brow. “Maybe I should take this nighty home with me.”
He chuckled, already starting to grow hard again. “Doll, I’ll buy you a whole frigging wardrobe of ’em.” He kissed me then, slowly, languidly, his lips caressing mine. I groaned in protest as he pulled out, not wanting our lovemaking to end so soon, but then I realized he was shedding his clothes, leaving a trail as he walked me toward the bed. His sweater was the last to go.
I ran my hands over his chest and shoulders, loving the way his breath hitched a little at my touch. I pressed a kiss to his chest over his heart and let my hands smooth over his abs and down to his hips and then around to his back, pulling him to me.
“I want to hear it again,” I said, peering up at him.
He pulled back a little. “Yeah? You don’t mind me sayin’ it over and over again? You don’t think you’ll get sick of me sayin’ it?”
I shook my head. “Never.”
He swept me up in his arms and tossed me onto the bed. I bounced once and was still giggling when he settled between my thighs. He was grinning when he pinned my arms over my head. “I love you, doll,” he said, punctuating his words with a hard thrust. “My God, I love you.”
I rolled my hips, arching into him, loving the way he filled me, body and soul. And when I rolled him onto his back, I met his gaze as I peered down at him. The connection I’d felt that first day we’d met jerked at the center of my chest and pulled him toward me until he was sitting up, our chests pressed close together, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
And when we finally collapsed together, panting, and he drew me into his strong arms, I didn’t fear what the dreams would bring that night. Whether it was spiders or vampires or whatever else hell might decide to unleash, the man I loved loved me back, and nothing else mattered.
Chapter Twenty
I awoke to a quiet clinking in Gideon’s guest room. When I bolted upright, I luckily remembered I was naked and held the covers over my breasts or the fairy bodyguard would’ve caught quite an eyeful.
Gideon held a finger to his lips and nodded to Nicky, who still snored softly on the bed beside me. Then he swept his arm toward the breakfast that was laid out on the table, which he’d somehow set up along with chairs while we’d slept. When I gave him a rather apologetic smile for the uninvited houseguest, he peered at me over his sunglasses, revealing his eyes for the first time. To my surprise, they were the color of molten silver and seemed to be morphing into a crisp arctic blue even as I watched. What the hell? He offered me a wink, letting me know he’d expected Nicky all along. Then he vanished.