“No, I’m fine,” he called back. Paperwork and open file folders were scattered without any sort of rhyme or reason all over the table. Next to some bank statements, which Brody tried not to look at, was a book called What to Expect When You’re Expecting. It was open to chapter five.
Shit, Kelly was pregnant?
A loud sigh came from the kitchen doorway. Brody glanced up to find Kelly scowling at him.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t see that,” she said.
He set the book back on the table. “You didn’t hide it very well. Congratulations,” he added.
“Thanks,” she muttered, then sat at the table with a glass of water.
Brody sat next to her, which was the only place that didn’t have clutter and shit nearby. “You don’t sound very happy.”
“No, I am.” She rubbed a hand across her brow. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. Plus I’m really tired and sick to my stomach.”
He placed the book back on the table. “Why didn’t you want me to see?”
Kelly took a sip of her water. “Because Colin and I haven’t told anyone yet. We’re waiting for the right time. Then this thing with my mother happened, so right now I need to focus on her.”
“How long have you known?”
“About a month.”
For the first time Brody noticed the strain on Kelly’s face and the lines of fatigue that bracketed her mouth. Her eyelids looked heavy over her green eyes, like she hadn’t slept for months. Hell, she looked like she’d aged ten years since the last time he saw her.
He settled a comforting hand on her knee. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much you were dealing with. And here I was being an insensitive prick.”
“It’s nothing I’m not used to,” she said with a half smile.
Wasn’t that the truth?
During their marriage, he’d never been good at giving Kelly the benefit of the doubt. She’d given up a lot for him, sacrificed everything that made her who she was for the sake of their family. Over the years, Brody had gotten so lost in the shuffle of everyday life that he hadn’t appreciated what she’d done until it had been too late. Then, after their marriage had ended, Kelly wouldn’t have given a good God damn how appreciative he’d been.
“I’m sorry for everything, Kelly,” he found himself saying. “You deserved so much better than the kind of husband I was to you.”
Kelly picked at the hem of her shirt. “It’s not all your fault, Brody. Lord knows I tried to blame you. I’m just as much to blame. I went into our relationship knowing I loved you a lot more than you loved me. I knew what I was doing.”
“Don’t say that. I did love you.” But not the way he loved Elisa. Whoa, where had that come from?
“You were never in love with me, Brody. Not the way I was with you.”
When he shook his head, she cut him off. “If I hadn’t been pregnant with Tyler, we would have eventually gone our separate ways. We never would have gotten married. You know that.”
Even though they both knew it was true, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He’d already done so many shitty things that he didn’t want to place another log on the fire. Hell, he felt like he’d be kicking a puppy.
Kelly moved her delicate shoulders beneath her cotton shirt. “I mean, I basically trapped you.”
“You did not trap me, Kelly,” he said firmly. He couldn’t allow her to think such a despicable thing. Women used pregnancy to trap men all the time, and oftentimes it was downright dirty. That hadn’t been what Kelly had done. “Getting married was my idea. I don’t regret it.”
“I know, but if I’d been honest with myself, I could have saved us both a lot of grief.” A humorless laugh popped out of her. “I kept thinking, ‘He’ll eventually love me. He just needs more time.’ ” She shook her head. A short strand of blond hair fell across her forehead. “I’m sorry, Brody.”
She was sorry? “What the hell are you apologizing for? I’m the one who screwed things up.”
“I can’t allow you to shoulder all the blame. I went into our marriage knowing you didn’t love me, then I tried to play the victim all those years.” She shook her head again and stabbed her teeth into her lower lip. “That wasn’t right of me.”
“Kelly, look at me.”
She lifted her gaze to his.
“I don’t, for one second, regret being married to you. Because of you, I have the best son any man could hope for. You were a great wife and you’re a wonderful mother.” He paused, trying to find adequate words worthy of her. “I know I wasn’t the easiest husband to have. You sacrificed a lot for me, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’m the bastard who repaid you by breaking your heart. I just hope that one day you can…” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Forgive me.”
She stared back at him, her green gaze boring into his. “All these years I thought you didn’t care.”
He narrowed his eyes and studied her. “What do you mean?”
“For sleeping with that woman. And then you accepted the divorce papers so readily. I got the impression you were indifferent. Or that you didn’t care.”
Man, he really was the biggest of assholes. He’d never issued a formal apology to Kelly, which he’d always regretted. But not caring couldn’t be further from the truth. All he did was care. In fact, he cared way too much. The feeling had been eating a hole in his gut for the past four years.
Brody took one of Kelly’s hands in his. “Kelly…” he started, then sighed. “I have no excuse for the way I behaved. I know our marriage was already on the outs, but it was still the dirtiest thing I could have done. I never apologized to you and I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry for what I did. I completely understand if you don’t have it in you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it anyway.”
She placed a hand on his cheek. “Everyone deserves forgiveness, Brody. The way things ended between us was like a huge weight on my shoulders for a long time. I needed to hear those words from you. Thank you.”
Brody guaranteed the weight on her shoulders was nothing compared to the weight on his. Despite that, there’d never been anyone else to blame but him. But even if he hadn’t made that poor decision, his and Kelly’s marriage most likely would have ended anyway. He just could have spared her a lot of pain if he’d been smarter.
“Don’t thank me, Kelly. Knowing I have your forgiveness is enough.”
She smiled, one that actually reached her eyes. He hadn’t seen one of those from her in a while. “Listen, about this thing with my mother… You know I would never take Tyler away from you if there was another way, right?”
The heaviness was back around his heart. “I know, but I still don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it either, and Colin and I are considering other options. We’ve been researching nursing homes in the area and trying to figure out a way to transport her this far. Us moving to Michigan is a last resort.” She paused, pulled in a breath, and held onto his hand tighter. “But it might be one we’ll have to resort to, despite Colin’s practice here and however hard it would be for him to close it down and move.”
Brody ground his teeth together to keep his emotions in check. The thought of living that far from Tyler made his blood run cold. “I can’t be away from him, Kelly. If you go to Michigan, be prepared for me to follow you.”
“And I wouldn’t stop you. You’re a wonderful father, and Tyler worships you.”
“I don’t know about that,” he argued.
Kelly leaned back in her chair and rolled her eyes. “Now you’re just being stupid. You don’t hear the way Tyler talks about you when he’s here. The boy idolizes you.”
“Does he really, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?” He would love nothing more than to have the relationship with his son that they used to have. Just another thing Brody was to blame for.