She whispered, “I can still do this.”
She carved a smile onto Matt’s face, then she cleaned her shears with his shirt. She gathered her belongings, put her mask on, and then left the vehicle. She smiled behind her mask as she wandered the streets of Skid Row. Some people yelled at her, a few men catcalled her, but no one really noticed her enough to remember anything about her. She was a ghost.
Matt’s body was discovered in the early morning by a homeless man and then a homeless woman found him at noon. His body wasn’t reported to the police until that evening, though.
13
LOCKDOWN
“They’re closing the schools,” Amber said in a hushed tone as she ran her fingertips across Adam’s strong, bare chest.
Adam lay in bed beside her, blank eyes glued to the ceiling. The dark circles under his eyes looked black in the moonlight pouring into the bedroom from the window. His jaw was clenched and his muscles were tense. His head seemed to hurt all the time, but no amount of medicine could relieve the pain. Ten seconds of silence elapsed.
He said, “I saw the news.”
“It’s a good thing, right?”
Fifteen seconds of silence passed.
“I don’t know,” Adam said.
Amber responded, “Well, there’s going to be a, um… A shelter-in-place order or something like that. That should help, right?”
With so much on his mind, Adam was slow to respond. He heard every word from Amber’s mouth, but it took him a moment to process it. Another ten seconds passed.
Before he could answer, Amber asked, “What’s wrong, hun? You’ve been so quiet recently.”
‘Everything.’ He stopped himself from saying that word out loud. It was the truth, but he didn’t want to alarm his wife. The world was crumbling around him. Stress ate away at his health, killing him from within. He lay still, but he felt like he was free-falling, sick to his stomach just thinking about survival. He shouldered the burden of supporting his family during the pandemic.
Amber would have been happy to help. She knew something was wrong, but she didn’t see it. Optimism had a way of blinding people. Everything’s under control, she told herself repeatedly.
She said, “Talk to me. Please.”
Without moving his eyes, Adam responded, “Things aren’t looking good, Amber. Last year was our most profitable year ever. You know that already. We were on top of the world, all over the world. This year… We haven’t seen a cent of profit in weeks and we’re not expecting any for a few more. It could be months before we see any revenue. We’re being wiped out. It’s like the entire industry is… is being executed—publicly. Everyone’s watching but no one can help us.” He sighed and shook his head. He said, “I don’t know what I expected. I know everyone’s struggling, but I’m just… it’s… I guess I’m just a little shocked about it.”
What he really wanted to say was: ‘I’m just scared.’ But he knew fear was a virus in itself, contagious like a yawn. Amber kept twirling her finger on his collarbone, half of her concerned face lit up by the moonlight.
Adam said, “Forget about it. We’ll rebound.”
“We will,” Amber reassured him. “And at least we’re healthy right now. That’s the most important thing, right?”
“Yeah.”
Adam’s voice sounded uninterested and tired, devoid of relief and gratitude. Words couldn’t reassure him. Only money could set his mind at ease. He was thankful for Riley’s health, but the pandemic wasn’t over yet. In fact, it looked like it was just getting started. To him, being grateful for surviving an ongoing pandemic was like being happy about winning a race before the race even ended.
Sensing his bad mood, Amber said, “If we need money, I’ll do more commission work. I’ll start making necklaces and pendants and stuff like that. People are always buying that sort of stuff online.”
“They can’t buy ‘that sort of stuff’ if they don’t have money.”
“Then I’ll get my old job back. You’re right, people might not have money for my art or knick-knacks anymore, but everyone is going to need help with their taxes.”
Adam sat up at the edge of the bed. Amber propped herself up on her elbow and watched him. They could hear faint voices outside.
Adam asked, “And what am I supposed to do until I can work again? Sit at home and watch you work your fingers to the bone? Clean the house? Do some gardening?”
“You can brainstorm a big ‘comeback’ campaign for when this is all over. You can work with Dallas remotely and be ready to hit the ground running when the time comes. You can stay healthy. You can enjoy your time with me and Riley. Just because we’re going to be stuck at home that doesn’t mean we’re alone. We have each other, hun.”
She crawled over to Adam. She sat up behind him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and rubbed her chest against his back. He felt her erect nipples on his bare back through her nightgown. Her warmth—her love—couldn’t defrost his cold heart. He pulled away from her and went to the window. He saw three teenagers loitering on the street in front of his home.
Punks, he thought.
Amber asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Adam said.
From the tone of his voice, Amber knew he was lying. She said, “Adam, we need to—”
“I’m fine,” Adam interrupted.
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
“I just don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“It’s important.”
“It is important, but this conversation isn’t.”
Amber asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
As he grabbed a white shirt from his dresser drawer, Adam said, “It means I don’t want to have this damn conversation right now.”
Turning her head to follow his every step without getting out of bed, Amber said, “Adam, you have to calm down. Stress isn’t good for anyone, especially right now. Come back to bed. Let’s talk about this.”
“I’m going to ‘brainstorm,’ in my office,” Adam said in a sarcastic tone. He muttered, “Someone has to fix things around here.”
Amber leaned forward and said, “Adam, please. I just wanted to feel like we were…” Adam exited the room and closed the door behind him. Amber leaned back against the headboard and said, “Like we were going to be okay…”
She thought about chasing after him. In her eyes, Adam was a good man. He was a supportive husband and caring father. But he didn’t handle pressure well. He never hit her or even raised a hand at her, but like most couples, they had their fair share of arguments. She didn’t want to disturb Riley’s sleep with a fight. She curled up in bed and thought about the state of the world and their future.
Adam’s home office was on the first floor. On his way down, he stopped by their nursery and checked on Riley. She slept in her crib without a blanket, but the room was warm. He kissed her forehead and stroked her short dark brown hair. In a gentle whisper, he told her the words he couldn’t tell Amber: ‘I promise everything’s going to be okay.’