“You must have been really small.”
“Just a baby really,” I said.
“My parents are getting divorced,” she said, very quietly, looking not at me but at the shelves. “It’s awful. They were fighting all the time, and now Dad’s living at Gran’s and Mum cries into the soup.”
“Maybe they’ll make it up,” I said, uncomfortably.
“That’s what I’m hoping. Dad’s agreed to come home for Christmas Day, and I’m hoping being in the family, seeing us all, Christmas, he’ll realise he loves her and not Doreen.”
“Who’s Doreen?”
“She’s a girl that works on the petrol pumps in his garage,” Janine said. “She’s his girlfriend. She’s only twenty-two.”
“I really hope he decides to come back,” I said. “Look, why don’t we go next door and sit down and get a cup of tea? We can come back in here and buy books afterwards.”
“Okay,” Janine agreed.
We sat in the window where I usually sat. There’s never anyone in there on a Saturday morning, I don’t know how they keep going. I ordered tea and honey buns for both of us, and two honey buns to take back to school for me and Deirdre tomorrow. “How did you find out about the book club?” I asked.
“Pete told me about it. Pete’s the dark-haired boy, you must have seen him. He used to be my boyfriend, sort of, but we sort of broke up, only we’re still friends.” She poured herself tea and stirred in sugar.
“Are you going out with the other one now?”
Janine snorted. “Hugh? You’re kidding. He’s shorter than I am, and he’s only fifteen. He’s still in the fourth form.”
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Sixteen. How about you?”
“Oh, I’m only fifteen too, and in what a sensible school would call the fourth form, but which Arlinghurst calls the lower fifth.” I fussed with the tea and made mine mostly hot water. It’s not so bad like that.
“I thought you were older,” she said. “You certainly have read a lot for fifteen.”
“It’s about all I have done,” I said. “Did Pete get you reading SF?”
“Yes, though I always liked things like that. He used to lend me books, well, he still does, and he took me to the club. My mum says SF is childish and for boys, but she’s just wrong about that. I tried to get her to read The Left Hand of Darkness, but well, she doesn’t read much and when she does she likes a nice romance. I’ve just found one for her called The Kissing Gate. Just her kind of thing.” She sighed at the thought of it.
“How many of you are there?” I asked.
“Sixteen people I have to buy presents for,” she said promptly. “Three sisters, Mum and Dad, four grandparents, two aunties and one uncle and four cousins, one of them a baby. I’ve got him a teddy. How about you?”
I hesitated. “It’s all so different this year. My grandfather, my Auntie Teg, another aunt, three cousins, my father, his sisters I suppose—I don’t know what I can get for them.”
“What about your mum?” she asked.
“I’m not buying her anything,” I said, fiercely.
“Like that, is it?” she said, though I had no idea what she imagined it was like.
“Oh, and there’s Sam,” I said, thinking of him belatedly. “Except Sam’s Jewish, so I don’t know if a Christmas present would be quite the thing.”
“Who’s Sam?” she asked, through a mouthful of honey bun.
“My father’s father,” I said.
“He’s your grandfather then,” she said.
“Sort of,” I said.
“Are you Jewish, then?”
“No. You have to have a Jewish mother to be Jewish, apparently.”
“I don’t think Jewish people celebrate Christmas. Probably better just to get him something really nice when it’s his birthday,” she advised.
I nodded. “I really ought to buy something for Miss Carroll too because she’s been really good to me, taking me to the book club and getting books for me specially.”
“Is that who you were with? She was very quiet. Who is she?”
“She’s the school librarian. She won’t be coming with me normally, I can come on the bus and Greg’s going to take me home.”
Janine considered this, chewing. “You should get something for Greg too, then,” she said. “Greg’s easy. He likes dark chocolate. You could get him some Black Magic or something.”
“I don’t suppose a book would be quite right for a librarian,” I said.
“Talk about coals to Newcastle,” she said, and laughed. “You should probably get chocolates for your Miss Carroll too. I expect you’ve got lots of money.”
“I do, just at the moment,” I said, and then I realised what she’d said. “I’m not—I know I go to Arlinghurst, but that doesn’t mean I’m rich. The opposite. My father’s paying for me to go there, or really his sisters are. They’re rich, and stuck up too I think. My family, my own family, are from South Wales and they’re all teachers.”
“Why are your aunties sending you to Arlinghurst then?”
“I really don’t feel as if my father’s relations are my family,” I said. “It feels really weird when you call them my aunties, or Sam my grandfather.” I bit my honey bun and felt the honey squirt on my tongue. “They’re paying for me to go away to school so they can get rid of me, I think. They know Daniel’s stuck with me now, and this way they don’t have to see me very much. But they want me there for Christmas, which I don’t understand. I could go to Auntie Teg’s. But they don’t want me to.”
“I never thought of boarding schools as dumping grounds before,” she said, licking honey off her lip.
“That’s just what it is,” I said. “I hate it. But I don’t have any choice.”
“You could leave next year when you’re sixteen,” she said. “You could get a job.”
“I’ve thought of that. But I want to go to university, and how can I do that without any qualifications?”
She shrugged. “You could do A Levels part time. That’s what Wim’s doing.”
“Who’s Wim?” I asked.
“Wim’s the long-haired bastard who was sitting opposite you on Tuesday night. He got thrown out of school, our school, Fitzalan, and now he’s working in Spitals and finishing his A Levels at the college.”
“He’s a bastard?” I asked, disappointed. He was so gorgeous, it didn’t seem possible.
She lowered her voice, though there was nobody else in earshot. “Yes he is. I saw you looking at him, and I agree he’s easy on the eyes, but he’s a double-dyed bastard. He got thrown out of school for getting a girl pregnant, and they say she had to have an abortion. And that’s what I broke up with Pete over, because he’s still friends with Wim after all that, and he said it was Ruthie’s fault. That’s the girl, Ruthie Brackett.”
“What’s she like?”
“Nice enough. Not as clever as Wim, not interested in poetry and books and that kind of thing. I don’t know her very well. But I do know that when a girl falls pregnant, you don’t only blame her.”
“Good point,” I said. I had finished my honey bun without noticing. “I think it was very moral of you to break up with Pete over that.”
“We’re still friends,” she said quickly. “But I wasn’t going to keep going out with him if that’s what he thinks.”
“How old is Wim?” I asked.
“Seventeen. His birthday’s in March and he’ll turn eighteen then. You keep away from him.”
“I will. Not that he’d look at me anyway,” I added.
“He might think you don’t know. None of the girls who do know are going to spend any time with him. And anyway, he was looking at you last week. You’re not so bad. If you let your hair grow a bit and tried some mascara maybe. But not for Wim!”