I must have slept briefly, for the next I knew, Ceralt’s foot nudged me awake. The tent had been dimmed to one small flame in a box, and the previous warmth was nearly gone, for the two pots of black stones had been quenched with water. Lialt and Telion lay wrapped in lenga pelts to the right, and when Ceralt saw my eyes upon him, he gestured to the left.
“Take yourself to my furs, woman,” said he, stretching hugely before beginning to remove his leathers. “The journey begins again with first light, and I wish to sleep.”
Miserably, covered with the smell of males’ satisfaction, I crept to Ceralt’s furs and within them. His dark form moved about briefly till his leathers lay disgarded, then he, too, had slipped within the furs beside me. He moved a bit to find comfort, and then his arms were strongly about me, holding me to his broad chest. There was naught I felt the need to say, yet his hand found my chin and lifted my face toward his.
“This darkness you were punished, little varaina,” said he, his voice soft as breathing. “Do you yet understand the reason for your punishment?”
Though I could not see him, I knew his eyes were upon me and that he would feel the shake of my head. I had not known that I had been given punishment, nor was I able to see a reason for such. Ceralt sighed, and his hand moved gently upon my face.
“You were given punishment for having declared yourself a warrior,” said he, the gentleness of his touch matched in his tone. “My Jalav is a woman, no longer a warrior, and so long as she insists upon ignoring this truth, so long will she be punished. Lialt and Telion found no warrior beneath their hands, but a woman, one who could not deny men their due. Your body has learned what your mind has not, that you are now bound to men as tightly as any other woman. Soon your mind will know it as your body does, and your anger and misery will be no more. It is that fey which I look forward to.”
I made no answer to his words, yet my mind seethed with fury. The male sought to break me to his will, to enslave my mind as he had enslaved my body, yet this I would not allow. I was in possession of Mida’s words that I remained a favored warrior, and this, above all else, would keep me from the folly of belief in his words. It shamed me deeply that I was unable to deny Lialt and Telion, yet this, too, must have a purpose in Mida’s scheme of things. I would not cease to believe in my warriorhood, nor would I refrain from speaking of it should the occasion arise.
“That stubbornness has taken you again,” said Ceralt, annoyance sharpening his tone. “I can feel the stiffness to your body, the refusal of your inner self to obey. If further punishment is what you seek, varaina, so be it. Your use will be free to my brothers till the fey you declare yourself a woman and mine. Upon that fey you may ask that I alone use you, and perhaps the favor will be granted. At this moment, however, I feel a desire to be pleasured. See to pleasing me, woman, and do not be clumsy. ”
He released me and lay flat upon the furs, and I sat up and stared at the dark shape of him in confusion.
“I know naught of pleasing males,” said I, never having heard the demand before. “Are males not pleased through the use of females?”
“They are,” agreed the dark Ceralt shape, “yet there are other means by which man may feel pleasure. Do you recall our first meeting, in the woods three feyd from Bellinard? Think back to the time, varaina, and do to me now that which you merely began at that time.”
The time of our first meeting was easily recalled, yet the memory brought dismay rather than enlightenment. What I had done to Ceralt was a warrior’s way of firing a male without the use of the sthuvad drug, and was not meant to be used upon a male who was unbound. I attempted to explain this to Ceralt, yet he refused to hear my words, demanding instead that I begin to serve him. His fist in my hair disallowed further discussion, and the results of my efforts were far more distasteful than even I had imagined. Ceralt could not resist the touch of my lips and tongue upon him, yet I, too, found the flames lapping high in my belly. The heat of him, the smell of his desire, the feel of his firm, male body beneath my hands—madly I thought myself again in that forest, a bound male before me, my warriors ranged about awaiting their own pleasure. I laughed and told him of how I would take and use him, and then the horror of the true situation was forced upon me. The male I had thought bound was free to throw me beneath him, and then I, not he, was taken and used, a lust not to be denied driving him harder and harder. I cried and sobbed many times during that use, not all deriving from pleasure, and when the storm had passed and I again lay quietly in his arms, his body still in possession of mine, I at last knew the full dangers of arousing a male. Weaponless, a warrior might do naught to deny him, weaponless, she could only endure.
“You need not fear punishment,” murmured Ceralt, and his lips touched my hair very gently. “Long had I wished to find myself before you in such a way again, only this time unbound, and my wish has been granted. You have given me great pleasure, and perhaps, in the future, I might again allow you to pretend to warriorhood. ”
He chuckled then and kissed me a second time, his arms closing more tightly about me so that I might not struggle free. My struggles lasted only a brief time for I had little strength left with which to struggle, yet my anger continued to seethe even till Ceralt had fallen asleep. That he would “allow me to pretend to warriorhood” was the foulest blow of all, for he had made it seem that my actions had been no more than obedience to his desire. I moved angrily in the prison of his arms, then drew my breath in sharply as his manhood throbbed in response to my movement, sending a weakness through me that could not be overcome. Even in his sleep he was able to debilitate me, take my strength and fire my blood so that I could not resist him. I pressed my lips to his chest, tasting the sweat upon the hairs there, then licked at the spot as I moved my hips, gently soothing the desire begun in me. Ceralt slept on, all unknowing, and soon, I too, was able to sleep.
13
A halt in the journey—and a thing termed reading
The new fey brought a strengthening of gold in Mida’s light, yet even the gold was unable to ease the clutch of the cold upon all beneath it. Once again the lanthay made their way through white mounds surrounded by bare, leafless trees, a landscape of desolation and emptiness which seemed to demand the reason for life being found in any of us. The village females rode farther ahead with their males, frightened yet, though less than they had been, apparently greatly eased by the rest of the darkness. I, of all in the set save Ceralt, rode alone, I near the end of the formation, Ceralt at its head. No others save Lialt and Telion sat their lanthay behind me.
My solitary position was of my own choosing for I had much to think upon. The happenings of the darkness before had been disturbing, yet no less so than the happenings of the new light. Upon first awakening, each of the males had paused before donning his leather to press his lips to mine, yet none had sought nor attempted my use. Each had seemed most pleased with the world about him, and each had given me greetings for the new fey with friendliness and lack of anger and disapproval. Never before had males seemed so pleased with a warrior save during her use, and I could not see what end they hoped to accomplish. Full suspicious and wary, I had folded Ceralt’s furs and those of the others, then had accepted the bit of dried meat given me. This had been consumed beneath the eye of Ceralt, he who was pleased to allow me to feed, and then was I commanded to don my outer garments so that tent and all within it might be prepared to journey further.