Jared quickly went blank inside, as he’d trained himself to do at the mention of children.
Damn the illness that had attacked him without warning. Damn every man who could become a father when he himself couldn’t!
Hal had pulled out a small leather folder, flipping it open to reveal a picture of his family.
‘I never go anywhere without this,’ he said proudly. ‘I’m not like you, chased by sexy dollybirds.’
Jared gave a fixed smile, diverting attention by taking the folder and flipping through it. Suddenly he grew still.
‘Who’s that?’ he asked quietly.
‘Who? Oh, her. That’s Kaye. She used to work for Brent, left when she had a baby, and came back a few weeks ago. Stella and I got to know her because her son is the same age as our youngest and they go to the same school.’
‘Her-son?’
‘Yes, little Mike. Look.’ He flipped over some pages. ‘I took these at his birthday party recently.’
There was Kaye, a little older, but still recognisable as the eager girl he’d known way back then. She was sitting with her arms around a little boy who seemed to be consumed with laughter. She too was laughing, as though all happiness was to be found in the child.
‘What about her husband?’ Jared asked.
‘She’s not married. I don’t think she ever was.’ He looked back at the picture, adding, ‘They had the party the day before his fifth birthday. I had to dash off for the Turkish Grand Prix next day. We were on the same plane, remember?’
‘I remember.’ Jared’s voice gave nothing away.
Suddenly he was back in the hospital, horrified at the illness that had attacked him.
‘Mumps?’ he’d said, aghast. ‘That’s a kids’ illness.’
‘Adults can catch it too.’ The doctor sighed. ‘And you’ve got it badly.’
The sight of his face, swollen out of recognition, had horrified him. But worse had been the discovery of the side effects.
‘In a grown man mumps can cause sterility,’ the doctor warned. ‘We’ll do tests to be sure.’
Until the last minute he’d refused to believe that the worst could happen. But the tests showed that it had.
‘Are you telling me,’ Jared asked, appalled, ‘that when I’m with a woman I won’t be able to-?’
‘Your sexual skill will be unimpaired,’ the doctor said clinically. ‘But that’s all. Your sperm count is down to about two or three percent, maybe less, and your chance of fathering a child is virtually nil.’
Hal was flipping through the pictures again. Jared took a quick glance at the one showing Kaye and her son. The day before the flight to Turkey, Hal had said, thus revealing the date of the child’s birthday.
He threw himself back in his seat, staring into space as dates came together in his head. It was surely impossible. Yet the facts danced, shrieking, before him.
The little boy had been born almost exactly nine months after his evening with Kaye.
CHAPTER TWO
HIS dreams were haunted by a face: swollen, stupid, disturbing. Strange sounds came from the mouth. Despair as everything was snatched away, fear at the helplessness, horror as the world crashed around him. The eyes were wide, the mouth crying out with despair.
Himself!
He awoke to find himself sitting up in the darkness, shuddering.
The face was his own. No! Had been his own, he corrected quickly. Not any more. That disgusting, off-putting fool, defenceless in the power of others, had been him for the few brief days while the illness was as its worst, but that was over. His face had returned to normal, but the memory haunted him.
Hurriedly he switched on the light and seized a mirror. Yes, that was Jared Marriot looking back at him, handsome, astute, victorious. Above all, in control. The other was a ghost that he would banish, however long it took.
Growling, he leapt out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get under the shower. He was in fine shape, lean and strong, with a body that women openly desired and other men envied.
But their envy would turn to derision if they knew that he couldn’t do the one thing nature most demanded of a true man: produce the next generation.
Until now his free, self-indulgent life had been enough, and he’d given no thought to becoming a father. But the discovery that he was incapable had changed everything.
Not to care about fathering a child was one thing. Not to be able to was a humiliation.
‘Will anyone be able to tell?’ he’d demanded of the doctor.
By ‘anyone’ he meant women.
‘Not at all,’ the doctor said, understanding him. ‘Everything will be normal, except that you’re sterile.’
He’d put that to the test as soon as his strength returned. There was no shortage of willing ladies, and to his relief his performance was as excellent as it had always been. Nobody knew. Except himself.
The discovery of Mike had been like a light shining in the darkness. If that was his son, as seemed likely, he had a defence against the world’s derision. And he would secure that defence come what may.
Now his mind was working as it did on the racetrack: cool, calm, efficient. Calculate everything to the tiniest degree, allow no distractions, think only of victory. Nothing else.
So the first thing he must do-That was it! Take the first step and the rest would be straightforward.
He stared into the bathroom mirror and Jared Marriot stared back: cool, decided, uncompromising. Unfeeling.
Except for fear.
It was the last day of Mike’s school term, and he was taking part in the pageant. Kaye left work early, determined not to miss a moment. In the car park she paused and smiled up at the sun.
Then she dropped the key, astounded by what she’d glimpsed.
Stooping for it, she told herself to be sensible. Of course Jared wasn’t there. She’d imagined it. And when she rose and looked round there was no sign of him.
I’m going crazy, she told herself. Seeing things.
The pageant took the form of a procession through the grounds of the nursery school. Little Mike, dressed as a cowboy, bowed and waved to the crowd of cheering parents, accepting the spotlight as his by right. Kaye reckoned that Jared’s son simply couldn’t help it.
That was why she’d thought of Jared today, she told herself firmly. There was no need to get hysterical.
But when she collected Mike afterwards he beamed and cried, ‘Mummy, he’s here.’
‘Who’s here, darling?’
‘Jared Marriot.’
Her heart seemed to miss a beat. Were they both floating in fantasy land?
‘There he is,’ Mike said urgently.
She followed his pointing finger, frantically trying to decide how to deal with this. Then she grew still.
Jared was standing only a few feet away, watching her.
He was really here.
No, he couldn’t be.
But he was. How was this happening?
‘Ah, there you are.’
It was Stella, Hal’s wife and her friend, whose son Joey attended this same school.
‘I looked for you before but we were a bit late arriving,’ Stella said. ‘Hal brought a friend-one of the other drivers. Jared, come and meet Kaye.’
As he approached it seemed to her that he moved slowly, coming from a great distance, a ghost who haunted her and then arrived without warning. She waited for the recognition in his face, perhaps even dismay, but there was nothing. As he uttered a courteous greeting there was only unrevealing charm.
She managed to seem equally unaware, shaking his hand, trying not to be too conscious that she was touching him again after so long.