Mike nodded. They shook hands.
‘Bed,’ Kaye said firmly, kissing him.
‘Night.’ He kissed her and vanished into his room, from whence came the sound of giggling.
‘Let’s go before I get into any more trouble,’ Jared said hurriedly.
Outside, he had a taxi waiting to take them to a restaurant whose plain exterior belied the luxury within. A waiter led them to a table in a discreet corner and hovered to take their order for aperitifs. Jared consulted her taste, giving the matter his whole attention-as he did everything in life, Kaye realised.
Disconcertingly, it served to antagonise her again, as she recalled a hundred newspaper tales of glamorous women he’d escorted, wining and dining them just like this, while she’d been left alone, struggling to raise the son he neither knew about nor wanted to know about.
When the waiter had departed Jared leaned back in his seat, grinning.
‘I need this drink,’ he said. ‘Mike doesn’t let you get away with anything, does he?’
‘I’m sorry if he made you nervous,’ Kaye said.
‘I reckon he’s always going to make people nervous, because he seems to get one step ahead. What a great kid!’
‘Yes, he is,’ she said eagerly.
Tonight she must tell him that he had a son. If he rejected that, she would manage somehow. After all, rejection was what she was used to. But Jared seemed drawn to the child, and perhaps Mike could really have a father. Only he mattered.
To prepare the ground, she continued, ‘The teachers tell me he’s advanced for his age. He’s only five, but he’s already starting to read and write. He’s good at drawing, a dab hand on a computer, and he’s got this great outgoing personality. I envy him that.’
‘Don’t you have an outgoing personality?’ he asked with a touch of surprise.
‘Not really. Sometimes yes; sometimes no. My wary side can take over. But he doesn’t seem to have a wary side.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Jared grinned.
‘He’s got no sense of fear. It makes me want to protect him, but then he gets so cross.’
He nodded. ‘I can imagine. I’ve always been the same. In fact I-’
‘What is it?’ she asked, for he seemed suddenly uneasy.
‘Last night-I should apologise, shouldn’t I?’
‘What for?’
‘Well-Mike-’
‘But you were wonderful with Mike. You told him just what he needed to hear. If his hero has bad dreams too then it isn’t sissy, is it? Why would you apologise for that?’
‘Thanks-I’m glad if I helped. But-well-’ He was floundering. He seldom apologised to anyone about anything, unless it was the kind of light-hearted ‘sorry’ he’d give Hal after a race. But this apology mattered. Mike mattered. She mattered.
‘I did rather take him over, didn’t I?’ he managed to say at last. ‘You’re his mother, but I didn’t give you a chance. Why are you smiling?’
‘At how easily fooled you are,’ she said in delight.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Jared, you didn’t take Mike over. He took you over.’
He stared. ‘Yes, I guess he did at that.’
‘What he wants he just goes for. You, me, Sam and Ethel, the kids at school, even the teachers sometimes. We all end up dancing to his tune.’
Jared gave a rueful grin. ‘I guess I just fell into line. That’s all right-as long as you weren’t upset.’
She shook her head. ‘You made him happy, and that’s all I care about.’
‘All?’ he asked casually, not looking at her.
‘I’m a parent. My baby comes first. It goes with the territory.’ The moment had come. She took a deep breath and added quietly, ‘I guess you know why I’m saying that.’
She half expected him to flinch away, play dumb, but she had underestimated him. He met her eyes, defenceless. ‘It’s true, then? He’s mine?’
‘Yes,’ she said simply.
‘Mine-my son.’
Although he must have suspected the truth it still seemed to bewilder him. He repeated the words in a daze, as though trying to understand them.
‘My child-’ he whispered. ‘He’s my child-mine.’
Suddenly he dropped his head into his hands. Across the narrow table Kaye could see him shaking and was strangely invaded by pity.
‘Jared,’ she murmured, reaching out to him. ‘It’s all right.’
As soon as he felt the touch of her fingers he seized them in a terrible grip, not raising his head but shaking it from side to side like a man in a state of confusion. She reached out her other hand, caressing what little she could see of his face.
‘It’s all right,’ she repeated. She wasn’t quite sure what she meant by the words, except to convey a message of warmth and reassurance.
‘It’s not all right,’ he groaned, raising his head. ‘How could I have been such a fool? When we parted that night I was sure that I’d been careful-but that was just me being stupid and ignorant. You were so young and innocent-a virgin-and I couldn’t face my own guilt. I told myself you’d get in touch if anything went wrong, and when you didn’t I thought all was well. Kaye, why didn’t you tell me? Did you hate me?’
‘No, of course not. I tried to contact you, but by the time I suspected I was pregnant you’d left the firm and you weren’t easy to get in touch with. It was like a wall had come down around you. I sent a text to your cell phone and got back a message saying, ‘Thank you for contacting Jared Marriot. This number is now closed, but he thanks you for your good wishes.”
Jared closed his eyes, as though seeking refuge from the terrible truth, or perhaps from himself. Kaye, still holding his hand, gave it a little squeeze.
‘I think that was Mirella,’ he said. ‘We were getting close, but she tried to manipulate me even closer. I broke it off because she went too far, tried to keep people away, but I never realised how far she’d gone. But it’s still my fault. I should have contacted you. I should have-’
‘Hush,’ she said gently. ‘It’s long ago. We were both younger-’
‘And I was stupid and selfish. Why did you let me get away with it? You might have sued me for support-showed me up for the world to jeer at-’
‘But they wouldn’t have jeered at you,’ she said wryly. ‘Just me, for being rejected.’
‘I didn’t reject you,’ he said with soft violence. ‘Call me immature, irresponsible, half-witted-’
‘If you really want me to,’ she said with a slight smile. ‘Anything you say.’
‘I deserve it. I deserve everything bad you could say or do.’ He checked himself and sighed. ‘But that wouldn’t help, would it? I’m floundering around, not facing things, just as I did then. You’re the one who’s had all the problems.’
‘And all the happiness,’ she reminded him. ‘I’ve had five years of watching Mike grow, learn to walk and talk, discovering how bright he is. You’ve missed all that. I reckon I’m the lucky one.’
‘But you were left to raise him without any help from me. I wasn’t there when you gave birth. I’ve never been there when it mattered. Don’t make it easy for me, Kaye. Even with Sam and Ethel you must have been lonely.’
‘Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.’
‘Any-particular friends?’
She guessed he was angling to find out about boyfriends, but she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.
‘They come and go,’ she said vaguely. ‘I don’t tend to lay out the welcome mat.’
‘No, I can imagine. But I still don’t understand why you didn’t pursue me and make me face my responsibilities.’
‘I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. Or you might have pressured me to end the pregnancy-’