He pulled out and fell back against the pillows.
She turned, her hair falling from the elastic and framing her face. Her mouth was swollen, open as she looked back at him. “Don’t you want me?”
“Fuck. How can you ask me that? Yes, I want you. But I want all of you.” His throat ached and his voice was tight.
Her eyes flashed and something that sounded like a sob burst from her chest as she scrambled around and straddled him. He moaned as her warmth engulfed him, his eyes never leaving her face as she sank down completely.
This is determination, not desire. This was not what he wanted.
She moved on him, her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, her inner walls squeezing and pulling on him as she worked him, trying to make his body betray him. Alex was motionless until he could take it no longer, her body milking a response from him, his release getting closer, but he didn’t want to let it happen. It felt empty and wouldn’t be enough. Not anymore.
“Ahhhh!” His hands gripped her hips and he lifted her off and away. “Stop! Not like this, Angel! What’s gotten into you?”
Her eyes were wild, glazed with intensity. He wasn’t sure if she even saw him, and her hands pushed him from her. “Not like what? Isn’t this how you like your women, Alex? Isn’t it all about sex?” Tears filled her eyes, until finally, two fat drops rolled down her cheeks. Her heart clenched; thinking about Alex with anyone else like this was gut-wrenching.
“No!” Instantly, Alex had her on her back, his hands gentle as he kissed the tears from her cheeks. She was shaking softly and then gasped as she pulled in a breath. “Not this way, babe. Not with you.”
He hitched her leg over his hip, his hand gripping her firm thigh and slid into her slowly, deeply; each and every thrust with purpose. He wanted to show her this meant more to him than sex: He cared deeply for Angel, and the realization shook him. His mouth moved to her nipples, over her shoulders, sucking on her neck, his fingers gently coaxing her clit until she was helpless and unable to stop her body’s response. He wrung it out of her, like only moments before she was trying to do to him—second by precious second—until she was finally clinging to him. Angel drew in a trembling breath, trying to hold back a sob that pushed against her chest. Letting it go would mean Alex would see how vulnerable she was and that would be the end of her. She turned her face into the curve of his neck and fought for control of her heart and body.
“Angel, shhh. Just kiss me. I need you to kiss me. Give in to this.”
“Why do you want to break me? Make me lose control? Lose myself?” Tears rained from her eyes as his mouth ghosted over hers, and she trembled, her tongue finally coming out to lick his top lip, her fingers clawing at his back and ass to bring him deeper into her body. He groaned when he knew he’d won, his body tightening as her hips began to move with his in the slow rhythm that he demanded. Deeper and deeper their bodies dug into the other, Angel finally kissing him back with all the passion they both felt, until finally they pushed over the edge of control together. His heart broke at her sorrow, trying to understand her conflict, yet he couldn’t stop.
“Alex! Uh… uh…” He felt her pulse around him, clenching around his length until he thought he’d die. It was ecstasy like he’d never known, and with three more strokes, he came hard, pouring his release deep inside her. They lay entwined, trembling, in the tent they’d built in her living room, the candlelight still flickering softly but waning in the darkness, unable and unwilling to separate.
“Oh, my God! Yes, Angel. That’s it.” He pushed her hair, wet with her tears, away from her face. “I don’t want you to lose yourself, honey. I’m trying to find you. To keep you with me.”
“I’m right here.” Tears laced her voice.
His heart filled with the need to let her to know he was completely committed; that she didn’t need to be afraid he’d leave her because he had no intention of desire to be apart from her. Alex pulled Angel closer and turned his head to kiss her temple softly, moving his mouth toward her ear. Alex’s breath caught in his throat, as he realized he was about to make the biggest admission of his life. “Baby… I’m right here, too,” he whispered. “I’m here, too.”