“I don’t fancy it.”
“Exactly. Because a man carrying a tommy gun plants his feet and lets loose and no one knows—literally no one—what will happen next. This is a gambler’s weapon. A gangster’s gun. It’s not about perfection or skill or even surviving. It’s about brass and swagger. It’s big and loud and ridiculous and it says: Give it your best! Because one of us is going down and I don’t know or even really care which it is!” He grins again.
“You’re back on track, then,” Polly murmurs happily, and sees him nod, and then nod again more slowly, his eyes opening very wide. Criminal epiphany.
“Oh, yes,” he says fervently. “Yes, I am. Back on track, indeed.”
“Mercer!” Joe Spork yells at the top of the stairs. “Your sister is a genius!”
“What?” Mercer peers at him, then blanches slightly. “No, she isn’t, you must be mistaken.” And when this makes no impact on the effervescing Joe, “Oh, shit. This is what old Jonah told me would happen. He said one day I’d be running along behind you like the last Marx brother trying to catch the vase. I told him you were sensible.”
“I was. Look where it got me. So now I’m not.”
“Joe, what—”
“No time. I need to prepare. So do you. Tell Jorge I need them all tonight.”
“Need what?”
“He’ll know.”
“I don’t!”
“I’ve got a plan.”
“What sort of plan?”
“You’re going to hate it.”
“Oh, good.”
“Let’s see about the army first, and then we can argue.”
“Army? What army?”
Joe grins and dashes out.
“What army? You don’t have an army! Apart from”—he gestures at the dog lying flatulently on the sofa—“the world’s smallest airborne toxic event over there! Joe? Joe!”
Polly Cradle emerges from the Tosher’s Beat with her eyes fixed on one of the Sharrow House maps. “Oh,” she says, after a moment. “Oh! Oh, my.” Long nails scratch lightly at the glossy paper, tracing the line of the old railway which leads to one wall of the grounds. “Oh, my…” Her breath catches in her chest.
“What?” her brother asks.
“He’s back on track.”
Jorge’s message goes out to one person at a time—the Night Market has no website, no bulletin board—but for every felon, receiver, forger or fixer he tells, five more find out, and then ten. Invitations go to the big players and rumours to the small, but in the Market a rumour might as well be embossed in gold. All this chatter comes, inevitably, to the notice of law enforcement, but Jorge is well-used to signal leakage and disperses lies and fables to nurtured snitches. A police task force is dispatched to Manchester on a snark hunt, another to Bray. Analysts are awash in Spork sightings by lunch, cursing by tea. All the while, the intended recipients of the message are hearing it louder and louder: Joe Spork is putting together something big.
Big Douggie, boxer and purveyor of doughnuts, did prison for the Post Office job in ’75, and got out just in time for Mathew’s death and the changing world. He’s washing towels when the phone call comes, wishing he could find a way to stop them smelling like day-old fish stock.
Joe Spork’s putting a job together.
What, Joe the Clockmaker?
Yeah, but not any more. They say it’s the biggest ever. I heard Mathew planned it before he died.
Of course, Douggie says yes.
Dizzy Spencer runs the Carnaby-Royce School of Motoring, teaching older ladies who have never learned how to navigate the Congestion Charging zone. She does a roaring trade with recently arrived Saudi royals. In Mathew’s time—when she wasn’t under the sofa with the Honourable Donald—she was the best getaway driver between Shoreditch and Henley. She’s bored out of her mind and ready to pop.
Joe Spork’s putting a job together.
Dizzy doesn’t hesitate for one second.
Caroline Cable—Aunt Caro—designs locks for the company no one’s heard of which makes the locks you actually can’t crack with a tensioner and a number three pick. The simplest one is the best: there’s no keyhole, just a drawer you put the key into and a handle. Key goes inside, you shut the drawer and turn the handle, the key fits the lock and the door opens. If the key doesn’t fit, no dice. No way to access the mechanism when the drawer’s closed, no way to turn the handle when the drawer’s open. Thank you and good night.
Poacher turned gamekeeper, and she hates every penny of it.
Joe Spork—
“Hell, yes,” Caro Cable says.
Paul McCain, of the Grantchester McCains, missed the high days and wishes he hadn’t. His dad ran with the great ones: Mathew Spork and Tam Coppice and the others. They nicked a dinosaur from the Natural History Museum once, bespoke, for a certain Indian gent who had a space for it in his house in Goa.
Honestly. Nicked a dinosaur. They don’t do crimes like that these days.
Paul says yes, and feels as if he’s won the lottery.
Word spreads, and London’s crooks are not immune to sentiment. The fun’s gone out of the life; it’s a little professional, a bit grey. People have accountants now, and tax consultants, and Lily Law has them too and you don’t want to be investigated by that lot, not even a little.
But here’s the thing: Joe Spork is putting a job together.
And that has to mean fireworks.
And then there are the others: the ones who went pro and made good, who don’t like surprises or displays. Dave Tregale, who can shift money around the globe, into the white economy and out of the black and back again; Lars the Swede, once Joe’s teacher in basic personal defence, who can have you removed from circulation in seven languages; Alice Rebeck, of unknown origins, now a retriever of lost journalists from foreign lands, and—so it is whispered—vanisher at need of over-curious investigators. Half a dozen others, names to be mentioned with circumspection, if at all.
These, too, receive the invitation from Jorge, from Tam, from a new law firm titling itself Edelweiss Feldbett, or by signs and portents unknowable.
Joe Spork is putting a job together.
These are not people who are used to receiving instructions any more, not men or women who take kindly to midnight pre-emption. They do not enjoy fireworks. Still less are they comfortable with one another’s company, here, in—of all places—the grand hall of the Pablum Club (to the Hon Don’s most strenuous sotto voce discontent). But where, after all, would you be less likely to look for a gathering of serious crooks, than in a very exclusive members’ club in St. James’s?
The hour comes, and a little after, and this great, gathered mass of criminality grows restless. Sure, they’ve renewed some old acquaintances and seen some people they always thought there might be some chemistry with, back in the day, and met some new people there might be some with now (ho ho!) and of course it’s always nice to hear what everyone else is up to, even in the most guarded terms, and work out where there might be an opportunity, perhaps even the possibility of collaboration. But still and all (murmur black suits and serious faces, pinstriped ladies and elegant dames) time is money, after all. And Big Douggie and Caro and Tony Wu, sitting at the edges and in the shadows, feel out of place and very straight-laced, and wish they were somewhere else.