Surprisingly, I made it to Oklahoma City alive and well. I plopped in the first unoccupied chair I came to, trying to breathe. Trying to calm my nerves. Now you don't have to deal with Royce. Now he can't hurt you.
"Shut up," I screamed.
Several people whipped around to look at me, but no one approached me or commented. And I found, as I sat there, that the ringing in my ears was slowly dying. My fears were finally quieting.
And for the first time in hours, I began to breathe. In. Out. I took in as much of the precious air as I could. All the while, people maneuvered around my seat, hustling past me. I watched them. Couples, singles, children. They were all headed somewhere, going about their lives and living as best they could.
Yes, they were living.
I hadn't been, I realized in a sudden burst of clarity. Not really. Only with Royce had I come truly alive. In fact, before him, I'd been living in slow motion, going about my daily life but never forging a real future for myself.
Like my fear of flying, my relationship fears had weighed me down and kept me in one place. Always that fear of crashing and burning-in a plane or out. Didn't matter. I'd been afraid. I'd let the fear rule me.
What a coward I was. Not a Tigress. Not even a whole woman.
Did I want to live the rest of my life that way?
No. God, no. Hell, no.
And if I died today, I'd go to my grave with so many regrets. That's what fear/worry/anxiety, or whatever name I wanted to give it, did. Made a person stagnant. I didn't want to be stagnant anymore.
Richard hadn't broken me.
It was true, I realized. I slowly grinned, realizing, too, I hadn't wished my ex to everlasting hell as I usually did when I thought of him. He hadn't broken me. In a way, he was the reason I'd met Royce. If Richard and I hadn't split, I wouldn't have opened my own business. And if I hadn't opened my own business, I wouldn't have met Royce.
Royce… Sweet, tender, loving Royce. He was honorable. He desired me. He loved me. He was nothing like Richard, so why had I let the fears Richard had caused in me affect our relationship?
Coward, idiot, dummy.
"Not anymore," I said firmly, not caring who heard me.
Maybe I couldn't predict what tomorrow would bring, but I knew I would always love Royce. And loving him didn't have to be the bad thing I'd feared. It hadn't been so far. So far it had been wild and wonderful, amazing and joyous.
Being hurt was a part of life. I couldn't keep myself from it, no matter what I did. Without the voice of fear to distract me, I recognized that for fact. Knew it. Allowing myself to experience good things-love-could only help me when the bad times rolled around.
"I'm going to be okay," I told the lady striding past my chair. "I'm really going to be okay."
She gave me an odd look and hurried on.
I stayed at the airport all night, awaiting my morning flight home. I didn't sleep, but remained awake and made a list for Royce. With every item I added, I felt stronger, more assured that I was doing the right thing.
In fact, the only thing left to do was tell him what I'd decided-if he would even speak to me. I wasn't going to be afraid, though. I was marching onward. I'd make him listen if I had to.
No more fears for Naomi Delacroix. I was finally a Tigress. I would tackle life as it came. I would love and be loved.
My return flight was delayed due to rain, and when the death trap did finally take off, the ensuing turbulence almost killed me through a heart attack-and I almost killed the woman seated next to me by squeezing her too tightly. But I made it. I lived. I even flipped the plane the bird as I departed.
I hefted my bag over my shoulder and sprinted down the terminal. Outside, I hailed a cab and climbed inside. "Haul ass!" I told the driver.
He peeled out.
Thankfully Royce's apartment wasn't too far away. When we stopped abruptly, I threw the cabbie a ten and raced inside the building. But…
Royce wasn't home. And he didn't answer his cell.
Think, Naomi. Think. Where was he? I searched my place- nothing. I called his mom-no answer. I called Kera and Mel- no answer. I called Colin-no answer. Not knowing what else to do, I hailed another cab and drove to the church I'd reserved for our wedding. That would have taken place hours ago if I hadn't chickened out.
Maybe he was there, explaining to the guests that I was a flake who'd run out on him.
When I arrived, I threw open the double doors. "Royce," I called. I don't know what I expected to find inside, but what I found wasn't it. "Royce?" My shocked gaze scanned the building and tears welled in my eyes.
Everyone stood in place, and they were staring at me expectantly. There had been no cars in the lot, but everyone was here.
Mel and Kera were at the altar on Royce's left and Colin was on Royce's right. My mom and Jonathan smiled encouragingly at me. Even Rachel was there. And Jennifer. She blew me a kiss. Royce's mom and dad nodded at me, and I noticed they both had tears of happiness in their eyes.
"About time," someone muttered.
"Quiet," someone else scolded.
I clutched a hand over my stomach and stared down the aisle. Royce's expression was neutral and didn't change when our gazes locked. He was in a tux, so unbelievably handsome, while I was in jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt. My hair was in complete disarray.
Determined, I strode to him. Gulping, heart hammering, I handed him the list I'd made. "Here," I said. "This is for you."
He didn't say anything. Just read over it, expression unchanged.
"Why are you here?" I asked him quietly, my gaze never leaving his face.
"I decided to take a chance that you'd come," was his only response. Still no change in his expression. "Why are you here?"
He'd decided to take a chance. God, I loved this man. And I, well… "Didn't you read the list?"
Fierce now, his dark lashes swept up and he met my gaze. "I need to hear you say it, Naomi."
Tears spilled from my eyes. My chin trembled, making speech difficult. "The list tells all the reasons I can't live without you. All the reasons I love you." I was going to take a chance, too. "You're smart. You're honorable. You're funny. You're passionate. And you're… you. You're mine."
I turned to the crowd. "I love this man," I shouted. "I love him, and I want to marry him. I want to have his babies."
Several ohs and sniffles drifted from the crowd.
Royce and I might stumble along the way, but the journey would be worth any hardships. Slowly I faced him. "I love you," I said. "I love you so much, and I want to be with you, as your wife, forever. It might have taken me a little while to figure it out, but I still made it to the church. Consider this my application."
He grinned, his lips inching upward, and he dragged me into his arms with a murmured, "Thank God."
"Do you still want to marry me?" I asked hopefully.
He palmed my cheeks. "Well, your BlueJay says we've got an appointment today."
I grinned, too. "Give me the words."
"Yes, Naomi," he said, placing a soft kiss on my lips. "I still want to marry you. I'm nothing without you. I've loved you from the moment I first saw you. You were wearing green, and I've been obsessed with the color ever since."
His words hit me full force, and I thought back to all the women in green who had camped out in his office. All the women who had sent him pictures of themselves wearing green lingerie-or green body paint. I was the reason for that. Me. I covered my mouth with a shaky hand, more empowered in that moment than I'd been my entire life.
If I'd had any lingering fears about Royce's commitment to me, they vanished instantly. This man loved me so much he remembered the first outfit he'd seen me wear and wanted everyone else in the same color. He was crazy-insane in love with everything about me.