I massaged the muscles in my neck and pretended to study the clothes in front of me. What was it with me and men with names that started with R? If a man's first name started with R, was I destined to find him irresistible?
"Uh, Naomi. Hello?"
Kera's voice penetrated my thoughts. I shook my head, forcing myself to concentrate on her and not the past. "What?"
"You were in some sort of sad, I'm-about-to-cry-or-kill-someone trance. I asked what you were thinking about."
"Richard. Royce. My own stupidity." I waved a hand through the air, effectively cutting off that line of conversation. "It doesn't matter. Mel," I said, "there's a guy I want to introduce you to. He's very cute. Tall, dark hair. Good sense of humor."
Mel's vivid features brightened. "Who is he?"
"His name is Colin Phillips and he works for Royce." I recalled what Royce had told me about the man, that Colin was a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy. That made him perfect for Mel, who never lasted more than a few weeks in any romantic relationship. She talked a good talk, wanting me to take the marriage plunge, but when it came to herself she was just as anti-marriage as I was.
"Hey." Kera turned away from us to scrutinize a bubble-knit shirt. "I've met Colin. He was at the wedding I catered for that girl, Denise… Danny? What was her name?"
"Daisy." I nodded. "That's the one. His sister."
"You'll like him, Mel," Kera said. "He's more than cute. He's scrumptiously sexy."
Mel crossed her arms over her chest, her red manicured fingernails tapping on her slender biceps. "If he's so sexy, why didn't either of you go out with him?"
"He didn't ask us," I said.
"That's not a point in his favor. In fact, that proves he's a very foolish man."
"You happen to like foolish men," Kera reminded her.
Mel smiled. "You're right. When do I get to meet him?"
"Don't know," I said. "I'll have to work it out somehow."
We resumed our shopping and I soon found a pair of pants I knew both my cousins would approve of. Extra-tight and black, with ribbons of red, pink and yellow orchids sewn up the bottom left seam. I wanted them. Badly. And not because Royce thought I smelled like orchids. They were pretty, that's all. And easily removable.
"This is so cool." Kera clapped her hands, jumping up and down in a little dance. "Oh, I'm so excited for both of you. All right, girls," she said when she settled down. "We came here to shop and that's exactly what we're going to do. Now that Naomi's hormones have decided to come out and play, we need a few more items for her seduction arsenal. Let's get to work."
Later that night, I lay in bed and considered the outfits I'd purchased-one green sundress (Kera insisted), an ice-blue miniskirt with matching tank top, and a blood-red pantsuit- as well as a red lace nightie. And the black pants, of course. What would Royce do when he saw me wearing them?
Would his eyes heat like they did when he wanted to kiss me? Would he become desperate to tear the clothes off me?
The image had me aching again, hungry. I rolled to my side and stared out my bedroom window, drawing in cleansing breaths. The night sky was as black and silky as velvet, the stars tiny pinpricks of diamond light. So beautiful and peaceful. But sometimes I hated these nights alone with nothing to do but think.
I wanted to talk to Royce, to hear his sexy, seductive voice, but that was tantamount to relationship behavior so I nixed that idea immediately. I'd sleep with him, yes. Entrench him in my life and rely on him, no. I wanted to hear his voice so badly, though, that I started trembling. My blood heated, growing hotter and hotter. I moaned.
I decided to call my mom. Yes, my mom. If anything could get my mind off naked bodies and phone sex, she could. Leaning over to my nightstand, I palmed my cordless phone and quickly dialed her number. As I settled back into the covers, she answered.
"Hello?" My mom sounded grumpy and sleepy and wonderful all at once.
I smiled, feeling calmer already. "Hello to you, too."
"Naomi?" There was a pause and I pictured her jolting up.
"Is something wrong? What's wrong? I know something's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong, I swear. I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Gloria, what's going on? What's wrong?" my stepdad said in the background.
"It's Naomi. She says she's just calling to chat."
"To chat? At this hour? Something's wrong. What's wrong?"
My mom sighed. "I don't know. Give me a minute to find out."
"Fine, but I want to talk to her when you're done."
I rolled my eyes. Ah, this crazy couple could always usher me back to a sense of normalcy.
"Now, why don't you tell me what's bothering you, darling," my mom said to me. "You never call this late."
"I need your advice." The words tumbled out of me before I could stop them. "How can a girl know if a man will treat her right? If he'll be faithful to her?"
She gasped with excitement. "Are you thinking about getting married again?"
"No, nothing like that," I rushed out. "I'm just curious about how you knew Jonathan wouldn't turn out like Dad." Slap her around. Cheat on her. Verbally abuse her. How did she ever place her trust in another man's hands?
"I didn't," my mom said. "I couldn't. I could only hope."
I gasped this time. "Mom, I expected you to give me a pep talk. To tell me there's a man out there who will love me and treat me right and never cheat on me."
"You didn't let me finish. There is a man out there for you. Will he treat you right? Not always. Will he cheat? Only time can tell. Things happen and people do change." Her voice raised bitterly. "Even Jonathan and I have our problems."
Every muscle in my body froze at the implication of her words. Was she trying to tell me something? She and Jonathan rarely fought. Mom had probably meant they were having problems about who should do the dishes or something equally innocent. That's all. Over the years, Jonathan had proven himself to be a good guy. Even though I'd accused him for so many years of just pretending. I'd expected him to one day morph into a beast, but he never had. Gradually, my body relaxed.
"Now, Gloria. Naomi doesn't need to know our problems." Static filled the line as my stepdad claimed the phone. "Naomi, Jonathan here. Marriage is a wonderful thing. You know I don't believe in divorce and always discourage my patients from taking that route."
Yes, I'd heard his thoughts on the matter a thousand times over the last few months. He thought I should give Richard the Bastard yet another chance. Maybe I should have told him everything Richard had done to me. Maybe I should have explained just how deeply I'd been hurt. But I hadn't. Yes, I'd given him and my mom a glimpse, but never the harshest of the reality. I hadn't wanted the people I most respected to know how stupid I'd been. How utterly foolish.
"Are you considering going back to Richard?" he asked.
"My answer is the same as the last time you asked me. Hell, no."
"Oh," he said, disappointment loud and clear in his tone.
My hand clenched on the phone and a spark of fury sprang to life. "You're so eager for me to take him back, but you didn't live with him." Perhaps I should forget my pride for a moment and give Jonathan more than a glimpse. "You didn't have to endure total humiliation at his hands. What if I told you Richard had tried to kill me during our marriage?" My tone was hard, unbending, and for the first time in my life, I actually felt like a true Tigress.
"I'd-I'd say you had every right to leave him," Jonathan blustered. "But he didn't. Richard is not a violent man."