"So, how do you know?"
"Well, we know from the meeting the other night that he's going, right? So all I had to do is find out what his schedule is going to be. Turns out it's no problem. I told them I was a reporter and they faxed me a copy."
Marco pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and opened it for me to see.
"See? Saturday he gives a speech. Sunday he goes on a TV interview show. Monday he gives another speech. Tuesday . . . oops! Suddenly on Tuesday he begins a five-day vacation, and they don't say where he's going."
"Why would he keep it a secret, I wonder?"
"Oh, puh-leeze. If it is hemorrhoids? A politician getting his hemorrhoids operated on? The jokes are just too easy. Letterman would be talking about it in his monologue."
I smiled. "Yeah, okay. Good work."
"Tomorrow's Saturday," Marco said. "Should we do it then?"
I guess the expression on my face showed how I felt. Marco cocked his head and looked sideways at me. "You okay, man? You had a close call last night. I've been there, so I know it isn't easy to just get past it."
39 "No, I'm cool," I said. I gave him a push. "Besides, since when are you all psyched to go?"
Marco had always been the most reluctant member of the group.
"You know since when," he said softly.
I nodded.
Marco was no longer reluctant to fight the Yeerks. It had become a very personal battle for him.
"Yeah, sorry," I said.
"As far as the others are concerned, I'm still the same old Marco," he said. "I don't want them thinking anything is different. I don't want them feeling sorry for me."
"Now, Marco, how is anyone ever going to feel sorry for you? You're so totally obnoxious."
"And I plan to stay that way."
The bell rang, signaling the next class.
"Okay," I said. "Tomorrow. We'll need to think of some way to get inside that hospital, though.
They'll really be on the lookout."
"Actually, Cassie already suggested some thing to me," Marco said.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, man. You know, I like Cassie. But this is the girl who suggested we try an ant morph."
Marco started to head into the gym. I headed toward class.
"Not ants," he said over his shoulder.
"I don't even want to know."
"Think dog poop."
"What?" I demanded. But by then he was through the door and gone.
40 Chapter 10
Something nice, but for fifteen bucks or less," I said. "My dad's birthday is in two months, so I have to spread my money pretty thin."
It was after school. We had headed to the mall. Me and Cassie and Rachel. My mom's birthday was coming up. I had about fifteen dollars to buy her something, and the last time I'd bought her a present it hadn't turned out all that well.
Who would ever guess that she wouldn't appreciate a classic Spiderman #3 in almost mint condition?
Okay, so I was a year younger then. Plus, I had asked Marco to help me find something.
This time I asked Cassie if she would help me shop. Which was almost as dumb, since Cassie isn't really into clothing and cute little stuff.
So Cassie had asked Rachel to help.
"How about that store?" I asked, pointing at one that had women's clothing.
"Yeah, right. Good choice, as long as you have at least a hundred dollars to spend," Rachel said.
"Okay. How about ..." Cassie began.
"Uh-uh. Cassie, think about it," Rachel said, looking slightly perturbed by our stupidity. "Look at the name of the store. It might as well scream 'fat, middle-aged ladies.' Jake? Do you want to tell your mom you think she's fat?"
"No." I shook my head vigorously. But then I thought it might be a trick question. "I mean, I don't, do I?"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "No, you don't. Duh. Have you two ever shopped for anything? I feel like I'm dealing with Ax here. I mean, are you two from this planet? We're looking for something on sale. Something that says 'Mom, I still think of you as being young and cool.' Something classic, understated. Most likely, we're talking a department store." She pointed. "That department store.
Second floor. Toward the front, on the right. That's where we want to be. Look for sale signs.
They'll be red with black letters."
Cassie grinned at me. "See? Rachel owns this mall."
"Shopping and kicking butt. Rachel's specialties," I said affectionately.
We cruised the department store and in about ten minutes, Rachel had found a silk blouse.
"It was thirty-three dollars originally," Rachel crowed. "Thirty-three, marked down to twenty-five. Then, a thirty percent discount for this one- day sale. We got it for seventeen fifty! Do you 41 realize that's almost half off the original price? Seventeen and a half bucks! For that blouse! Yes!
She shops, she scores!"
"Yeah, but I was only going to spend fifteen," I said meekly.
"You didn't spend too much. Don't you know anything? You saved fifteen dollars and fifty cents.
You came out ahead by more than fifteen bucks!"
"Wait a minute. How did I save, if I spent?"
Cassie put her hand on my arm. "No. Don't ask. Rachel uses a whole twisted math involved in shopping. Don't even try and understand it."
Rachel ignored Cassie's teasing. "Hey. While you pay, I have to go check something in Juniors.
Meet you at the food court."
Rachel peeled off, leaving me and Cassie alone in the racks of clothing.
"So when are you going to tell me your idea?" I asked.
"I thought Marco already told you."
I shook my head. "Nope. He just said 'think dog poop.' I did. I got a very bad feeling as a result."
Cassie looked a little pouty. "Look, it was the only animal I could think of that could get in and out of a hospital without getting stepped on or poisoned. We wouldn't even be seen, probably. I mean, they go everywhere. Who even notices them?"
"Cassie, so far I have done three insects. Flea, that was okay. Ant, that was definitely not okay.
And roach. I'm starting to feel jealous of Tobias. I mean, he's stuck as a hawk, but at least he doesn't have to go around turning into bugs."
"Do you have a better idea, Jake? Because I respect your feelings. I was just trying to help. It's just a suggestion."
I drew a deep breath. "No, I don't have any great suggestions. I'm just ... I mean . . . it's just, whatever happened to the good old days when we would be tigers or wolves or something fun? I don't want to be a fly. I saw that movie. The Fly. Both versions. The old one, and the new one with Jeff Goldblum. I mean, a fly? A fly?"
"The movie. I forgot that movie," Cassie said.
She made a face. "The one where the guy has a tiny little human head stuck on a fly body and he's trapped in a spiderweb and he's going 'h-e-e-e-l-p m-e-e-e' in this little tiny voice? And that guy is so grossed out he just crushes him?"
We both just stood there, looking kind of sick.
42 "Moths?" Cassie suggested.
"Too slow," I said. "And too big. They would spot us."
"Okay ... um ... bees?"
"No way. No social insects ever again. Bees could be as bad as ants that way. No social in sects.
No hives. No colonies." I shuddered at the memory of the ant morph. It had been like dying. The ant had no individual self. It was just a part of a bigger machine.