Saul didn’t know what to say.
He exchanged kisses with Cassandra, but he wasn’t certain this would have counted the way Flavius meant. “Sorry?” he replied as if taken by surprise.
“I asked you if you have been with a woman, surely you know what I mean by that,” he chuckled.
“I…no, Master,” he admitted.
Flavius remained silent for a moment, then burst into a loud laugh. “You’re telling me you are still virgin? Don’t you like girls? I know that at least Caleb is going to a particular tavern, whenever he has the chance to do so. I thought you were going with them.”
“Yes, sometimes. Though, well sure, I like girls, I just…” He hesitated. Of course, he could have access to some of the girls in the tavern, but he felt too attached to Cassandra to do that.
“Look at you. You are blushing. Are you in love with someone? Is there some girl in your heart?” he chuckled, hitting Saul with his elbow.
“Master? No, I’m not…I just…well…” he tried to say.
“Well? Just what?”
“I’ve never thought about it,” Saul said, turning crimson.
Flavius came nearer to him and kissed his cheek. “I love it when you blush. I think you should have frequented the girls of that tavern.”
“You mean prostitutes?”
“Who else?” Flavius replied, laughing. “Or maybe not. I love your innocence, your purity, your sincerity.”
“Have you been with many women, Master?” he asked.
“Definitely more than you have, but not as many as most of the people I know. I just needed to get experience for my future bride.”
“What is it like?” Saul asked shyly.
“Being with a woman?”
“Yes, he almost whispered. Saul felt embarrassed about his question, but since Flavius had brought up the topic, he would like to understand what he had missed. In his heart, Cassandra’s kisses were all he desired. Having her body against his already felt as good as he thought having sex with her would. He was possibly in love with Cassandra, even though he knew he shouldn’t be since, in one year, he wouldn’t see her anymore.
“You should experience it for yourself. I can’t tell you what I feel; it would be different from what you might feel,” Flavius said.
Saul thought Flavius was probably right; perhaps he should find out with Cassandra before he would have to leave the house before it would be too late.
Chapter 12.
As time passed, the relationship between Saul and Flavius stabilized. As the wedding day drew near, Saul felt more comfortable about leaving Marcus Tiberius’ house and going to serve Flavius and Claudia.
“It breaks my heart to know you won't be here anymore, Saul,” Cassandra said as she laid her head on his chest.
“I will miss you, too, but we don’t have any choice I am glad I could share my life with you, even if it were for such a short period.” He caressed her hair.
“Are you still afraid about Claudia?”
“I am not sure, but I know Flavius won’t allow anything wrong happen to me, and I can still count on Marcus Tiberius taking me back if I am mistreated as part of the clause of the wedding contract; it is a consolation.”
“He is really fond of you, but I hope this won’t be the reason for you to come back,”
“I am affectionate to him as well, and I feel sorry to go away. He has been more than the man who owned me. I can’t explain it, but there is a deeper bond that makes me feel attached to him,” he said.
“I don’t understand how you can feel a bond with a person who treated you like a property, giving you away as a wedding gift.” She searched his eyes.
“I know it is difficult to understand. Perhaps I am crazy, but since he took me as his own, I felt more than owned; I felt protected. In the way he looked at me, talked to me, or punished me, there was a deep understanding between us. It was like he could read my heart, and I could read his own.” He placed his hand on his chest. “With Flavius, the relationship is different, and I am afraid it will never be the same as I share with Marcus Tiberius. Flavius will be a good Master, but he is not Marcus Tiberius.”
She shook her head, smiling, and kissed him. “I love you, Saul.”
“I love you too, Cassandra.” He really meant it. She was the first and only woman he would have in his life. She understood him and his feelings about his slavery.
Slavery under Marcus Tiberius was not an unbearable burden to carry, but he could not be sure about Flavius. Caius’ warning about being used as a sexual object echoed his soul.
He could have accepted it from Marcus Tiberius but felt scared about being used like that by Flavius. Of course, he could not avoid it if this was his master’s desire.
Why can I accept being used for sex by Marcus Tiberius and not by Flavius? Am I in love with him? We shared moments of tenderness, but despite our kisses, we never reached the complete sexual act. Do I wish it had happened?
He had no answers to his questions; he just wanted to be able to choose for his future.
Too quickly, the day dawned when Saul became Flavius’ property.
Claudia’s family provided the house and the other slaves for the new family, as Flavius’ parents bore the responsibilities of the ceremony, the furniture for the house, textiles, and Saul, as promised.
The celebrations lasted for days, keeping the slaves busy preparing and cleaning up into the early hours of each morning. Saul didn’t have time to be worried about his future life as he concentrated on his duties, alongside the other slaves with whom he would be living. He barely saw Claudia for the whole length of the celebration. He was assigned to the preparations of the new house for the young couple. That was a decision taken by Flavius to avoid any sort of conflict between Claudia and Saul, at least during the celebrations and banquets.
Nara, a twenty-year-old slave from Greece, had a particular way of looking at people as if trying to penetrate the inner part of their souls to understand their thoughts and their true nature. His former Master had died, and he was sold, together with the other possessions, by the sons.
He was born a slave, so he knew nothing about freedom and considered his status natural. Nara never dreamt of being free, and because of this, Saul thought he would understand him better.
“What would I ever do with freedom? Why should I need that? If I were free, I probably wouldn’t be able to take care of myself,” Nara said as they sat down together during a break. You can’t imagine what I felt when my Master died in my arms as I was begging the gods to take my life instead of his.”
His voice trembled.
“Was he old?”
“Forty-five when a severe fever took his life. I felt terrible.”
Saul thought about Marcus Tiberius. Will I feel the same way when my old Master dies?
“Do you already know our Masters?” Nara asked.
Saul glanced down at his hands and started to explain briefly something about Flavius and the complicated relationship that bonded them and to his old master, Marcus Tiberius.
“Were you his lover?”
“Whose?” Saul asked, surprised.
“His father’s or Flavius’; well, no matter whose lover you were, but were you?”
“No, of course not. I was bought by his father to help him with translations and during his trips.”
“Well, maybe Flavius wanted you as his lover,” Nara explained.
Saul stared at him with big eyes, not understanding what Nara was saying or how he could come to this conclusion.
“No, I don’t think my Masters are interested in me in that way,” he replied, not honestly sure of what he was saying.