“I was my master’s lover. After his wife died, I shared his lonely nights. I cannot say if he loved me, but I did love him. My mother was one of his slaves, and I was his own since I was born. I am not expecting you to understand what I mean; you have been brought to slavery, maybe you see things differently. A slave can be used in many ways, and if you think it is offensive to become a lover, you are wrong. That is a privilege recognized by the other slaves,” Nara said with a grave expression in his eyes, as his hand grabbed Saul’s.
“I can’t see any privilege.”
“First of all, you are treated better, and slaves take care of your health and beauty.” Nara started to enunciate, counting with the fingers on his hand.
“You don’t have to work hard, as your duty is that of being at your master’s side, something like a wife. The bad point is that other slaves can become jealous, but your Master will always defend you. So, think twice; if your Master wants you, feel honored.”
Saul considered his new friend’s words. Maybe he was right, but he felt he would only accept being Marcus Tiberius’ lover. He was not sure he could trust Flavius as a Master or a friend.
“Flavius almost scares me. He has become more authoritarian, maybe too much, since I last saw him. In the beginning, I hoped he would become a strong Master like his father, but not that much, and I still find myself in the middle of their fights.”
“You are in the middle because at least one Master wants you for himself. If you are sure it is not the father, for sure it is the son.” Nara said with the tone of a person who knows exactly what he is talking about.
Saul shook his head. “Let’s not talk about it anymore, please. You were asking about our Masters. As for Flavius, I think that as long as we follow his orders, there won’t be any problem, nor will there be any unfair treatment. However, Claudia is a very difficult mistress. It seems that she enjoys humiliating and mistreating the slaves. I have known this aspect of her, and God knows that I have been praying not to be given away.”
“What is your belief?” Nara asked.
“I am a Jew. Well, I don’t know if there is a God for me anymore, but in principle I am,” he replied, baffled by the simple yet complicated question.
“I supposed so when you mentioned only one God. There is a God for everyone. Isn’t yours saying that you need to suffer to reach the heavens?”
Saul shrugged. “Sort of. My father said we might not have deserved the freedom my people gained, and we were paying our dues for our pride. I know nothing about pride. I was just eleven years old when the Roman militia irrupted in our house. During the trek to Rome, I thought the Romans were the cruelest and most selfish people in the world until Marcus Tiberius bought me. He showed me even a Roman can have mercy and be fair; even though he enslaved me, I felt cared about. He let me go to school, and he guided me as a father would. I owe him everything.”
“I am glad I met you. I really like you, Saul,” Nara said.
Saul put his hand on Nara’s shoulder. “I don’t know how our lives will be once everything settles down, but it is comforting to I have a person like you at my side.”
After the celebrations ended, everything settled into a routine entirely different from the one in Marcus Tiberius’ house. The tension between the supposedly happy new weds was palpable. Flavius never had any tenderness toward the bride. Also, his smiles resembled the grins of a wild beast, rather than the one belonging to a man. Claudia could not hide her hurt feelings and constantly seemed under pressure. At times, she almost seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which she could barely control.
Despite the efforts spent by them to keep a harmonious relationship, peace seemed something hard to achieve. Raised voices and sharp tones rang through the halls of the house. The slaves paid the price for the disharmony. The punishment meted out by Flavius was rare and justified, but Claudia beat the slaves to discharge her frustration— frustration at being second to Flavius’ work, and frustration at being second to Saul, who spent almost every day with her husband, and sometimes the nights as well.
One night, on his way to bed, Saul saw candlelight dancing on the walls of Flavius’ working room. He stood in the doorway. “Master, aren’t you going to sleep?”
Flavius grabbed his face between his hands and stood from his chair. “I am trying my best with Claudia, but it never seems to be enough. What should I do?”
Saul walked toward him. “I guess you weren’t meant to be together as your parents were, but perhaps you should ask her this question. It seems to me that you are keeping her in the background. If you let her be more in your life, possibly things would work better.”
“I don’t know, Saul, maybe you’re right. We are totally different. I don’t like the way she rages against her slaves. She seems to enjoy seeing the fear in their eyes; I prefer the calm I always see in yours,” he said, caressing Saul’s face with the back of his hand.
Saul thought of Caius’ words about being used as a lover, and Nara’s words about it being a privileged position. Among all the slaves, Saul was treated better and felt safer from Claudia’s storms. Flavius’ constant presence protected him.
The touch of Flavius’ lips on his returned him to the present, and his senses melted into that tenderness. He thought about the many times Cassandra had kissed him. Flavius was as tender as she was.
Flavius entwined his fingers with Saul’s and led him to the bedroom. The Master became a lover, and the slave had the illusion of being equal to him. When both lay sated, they cuddled in each other’s arms, returning to the roles of the Master and slave.
“Saul, I want to spend the entire night holding someone I love in my arms. I want to sleep with you by my side. I need to feel the warmth of your body and soul against me,” he whispered.
To Saul’s surprise, the words “I love you, Master” passed his lips without thought.
Was he in love with his Master? Was it possible for a slave to love his Master as Nara claimed, or was love something different? He had no answers.
He was sure he loved Cassandra because he didn’t want to look around for a girl when he went to the tavern with Caleb. Was that what he felt for Flavius? It was maybe the same kind of affection a pet feels for the Master who takes care of it, for the hand which feeds him and gives shelter, protection, and love. Was that love, he wondered as he returned his master’s kisses.
Perhaps that’s what it was: love.
Nara was again right, and the reason for the arguments between Flavius and his father was jealousy.
As he had him to himself, his soul regained serenity; the one he experienced before the wedding, and with those thoughts, he slowly fell asleep in Flavius’ arms.
The morning after, they both woke before sunrise, and Saul helped his Master to dress.
“Next month, I need you to accompany me on one trip. It won’t last long, but I have to take care of a business matter, and I don’t trust anybody else. Also, I will need your services.”
“Yes, Master; it will be a pleasure to travel with you,” he said, adjusting his master’s toga.
“You are so beautiful,” said Flavius, tracing the lines of Saul’s naked body with his eyes. He reached for him and kissed his cheek before leaving to breakfast with Claudia.
“I see you prefer to stay far from your wife even at night,” Claudia spat as she met him at the table.
“Claudia, I am sorry about our argument. I needed time to think about what is going so wrong and why we constantly argue about the same old issues.” He struggled to hide his frustration.
Surprise registered in her brown eyes. “I am sorry too, but I can’t understand why you prefer a slave to me. You put me second in your life; I am never a priority. I understand you don’t love me, and I don’t expect that, but I would appreciate your respect.” Tears glistened.