The vampire nodded.
Rahim summoned his energies, sending Katon away in an explosion of glistening energy. Rahim turned back to me. “While I’ve no specific directions to help guide you, keep mucking about and see what you can find.”
“Mucking about? Is that the official term for what I do?” I gave him a dirty look. “Frank Trigg, professional mucker. He’s one bad mucker-trucker.”
Rahim shook his head, a sly smile on his lips.
“You are good at what you do, Frank. And what you do best is stumble upon trouble. I’d hardly call that a skill.”
“Yeah, well…your grandfather was a goat herder. What would you know?”
He laughed, his eyes sparkling. “At this point, I seem to know very little. That is why you are so very important. Amongst the ignorant, you are king.”
He mimed setting a crown upon my head. “Find us something, Frank. We’re desperate,” he told me, his tone turning serious.
“If only you were a woman, that kind of talk would really get me worked up.” I rolled my eyes, pushing aside the image of Rahim as a woman. I shuddered.
He patted me on the shoulder, a genuine smile gracing his lips. “Be safe. Let me know what you find.”
With that, he teleported away, leaving me behind with the wreckage and one hell of a case of the heebiejeebies.
Alone, I took a moment to think, difficult as that was sometimes. I was used to being behind the eight ball. My entire devilish life had been built around the premise of getting screwed and not in a fun, porn star way. It was most often in the prison kind of way, getting sucker punched and waking up with a sore ass with some big guy named Bubba sitting on the bunk smoking a cigarette and heating up a branding iron. Mostly human, I had always been the underdog when it came to dealing with the demons and devils of Hell, but this was different. Caught up in a war where the combatants were an archangel and two of Lucifer’s top lieutenants, I felt like France. All I wanted to do was raise my arms and shout, “I surrender.” I was feeling way outclassed, but I had an idea.
It wasn’t just a few of us who would suffer if Armageddon came to pass. It would be everyone, human, angel, and demon alike. So thinking, it was time to call up some reinforcements.
Welcome to Hell
Back at home, I stumbled inside, manacles in hand. Certain they’d come in handy at some point, I stashed them where they would be the most useful; the bedroom. I placed them in a box beneath the bed for safekeeping and quick access, right beside the jumbo tube o’ lube and my inflatable Jenna Jameson doll. One could never tell when the need to restrain a supernatural being might arise. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Just thinking about how I’d use them got my blood flowing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just my crotch that was throbbing. My nose was killing me. So to fix that, I dug out a vial and took a sip of Lucifer’s blood. Within moments, I was healed and much happier for it. I wrapped the vial in a washcloth, to help protect it, and stuffed it in my pocket. I hoped it’d fair better than the last one. I couldn’t afford to keep losing the things. Finished with my healing, I peeled off my bloody shirt and examined the chain mail underneath. Between the hole blown in the shoulder and all the damage it’d taken when I was tossed through the walls, the chain shirt was barely hanging together. The links had begun to unravel. I pulled it off, realizing it wouldn’t do me much good in the shape it was in. And since I didn’t have time to meet up with my Medieval Renaissance pal to get it repaired anytime soon, I tossed it to the side. Regrettably, it was the only one I had. I slipped on a shirt and hoped I wouldn’t need the chainmail. My cynicism laughed at me.
Cleaned up and as ready as I was gonna be, it was time to go.
I went to the spare bedroom of my house and opened the door. Long ago, I had converted the room to accommodate something other than visiting relatives, something far more useful. I didn’t feel bad about it as the only family I had was Scarlett and it’s not like she would be popping in to stay over. Not willingly, at least. Painted all black, the room seemed to swallow what little light the bulb in the hallway gave off. On the floor was an engraved silver circle, surrounded by electric lights in the shape of candles. What I lacked in magical power, I made up for in ingenuity.
Actually, it had been Lucifer’s idea. He had always been the brains of the operation. Anyway, I flipped the switch on the wall and the candles flickered to life. I shut the door, waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dimness, then went and sat in the middle of the circle. I picked up the small knife, which lay on the floor, and took a deep breath as I glanced around the room, feeling a bit apprehensive. I felt weird. It had been quite a while since I’d been in here last. A fine layer of gray dust covered everything. I wondered if it would still work with Lucifer gone. I figured, what the hell? I didn’t really have anything to lose. It would work or it wouldn’t.
I used the knife and poked a finger. After tossing the blade to the side, I reached down and squeezed a drop of my blood onto the circle, willing it to life. I immediately felt a surge of magical energy and saw the edges of the circle shimmer. I smiled as the gate came online, silently thanking my uncle for not taking all of his power with him.
I closed my eyes and thought hard about my destination. Once I had it fully envisioned, I willed myself through the gate. In an explosion of energy and willowy blackness, I arrived a moment later. I was in Hell.
The smell of burnt flesh and brimstone stung my nose as I drew in my first breath, grinning all the while. For all its notoriety, it felt good to be home. I glanced around the monstrous cavern halls to gain my bearing and smiled when I realized I’d appeared exactly where I intended to, the Sixth Plane. The circle had worked perfectly despite the trauma inflicted upon the dimensional walls. I wasn’t sure it would, but I was sure glad it had. Pessimism ran deep in me. I looked off in the distance and saw where I needed to be. Carved in black stone, and decorated in the gleaming white skulls of the enemies of its master, the castle cast an imposing shadow in the reddishyellow light. While glad to be back, I knew I didn’t have time to waste reminiscing, so I headed off. It only took me a few minutes to reach the castle, the roads and fields empty.
That was a little disconcerting.
It had been over fifty years since I’d been in Hell last, but I hadn’t imagined it would have changed so drastically in such a relatively short time. Normally, the Sixth Plane would be bustling with activity. As one of the more lenient Circles, the Sixth attracted the most adventurous of Hell’s denizens, which lent it an energy that couldn’t be found anywhere else. Culturally devoid and entirely lacking in morality, the carnival atmosphere prevailed. If there was something taboo you wanted to see, touch, taste, or fuck, the Sixth was where you went. There was very little that couldn’t be experienced there.
I know most people would picture the entirety of Hell as being such a place, but that’s not true. In general, it’s an ordered society with a civilized, albeit somewhat tormented, populace. It’s not the rampant serpent’s nest of evil it’s made out to be. That’s all a story made up by the Church to keep the believers in line.
There are, of course, those parts best left alone if you value your life and sanity. Places even the denizens of Hell would rather not think about, but as a whole,
Hell is little different than Earth. It’s drier, hotter, and entirely subterranean, but otherwise pretty similar. It is, after all, populated by the same people. To see the Sixth so devoid of life was disturbing. I’d spent many raucous nights here sowing all manner of seeds. Today, it felt like I was visiting a grave. Lucifer’s departure had taken away more than just Hell’s leader. It had taken its spirit as well. I shuddered and returned my focus to the castle. I didn’t like the feelings that were being dredged up. Once at the castle’s gate, I called out. I stood there for several minutes twiddling my thumbs, but there was no reply. Worried the war had taken its toll on the seat of power of the Sixth, I called out louder. Once more, there was no response.