“It led back to Kin’jal?” Maiya asked.
“No. To Sai, of all places. Dropped me high in the air. I hobbled back to civilization with legs full of broken bones. Nearly died, too. T’would have been such cruel irony, to have survived the Ash only to die in the human realm. For the longest time, I thought Fate was playing games with me.”
“Ouch,” Maiya hissed, wincing.
“There’s more. The Ashen lands shift. I saw only glimpses of it in the distance, but… reality is broken in that realm. It fits well with the theme of deranged beasts. If one were to chart a course through, I fear it would be rendered useless before long.”
“None of this was mentioned in the record,” Maiya murmured. “This must be a secret of the highest order.”
“I know not why they would hide this information, but it is yet another reason the Ash is so dangerous. On top of the Ash Beasts. Only half of my expedition perished to prana poisoning. The other half died well before then, fighting Ash Beasts. The only reason I slipped by is because the monsters were too busy gorging on Kin’jal flesh to bother with me.”
“I’ve fought Ash Beasts near the Wall myself,” Maiya said. “They were the most terrifying opponents I’ve ever encountered. I can’t imagine how much more fearsome they must be within the Ash.”
Though she’d mentioned it earlier, her exploits still came as a shock to Vir. To think she’d not only fought off Ash Beasts, but had fought more than he had… Not that it was a competition, but Vir was somewhat proud of his growth. Now he didn’t know how to feel.
Regardless, Vir’s thoughts echoed Maiya’s. The Narapazu and the Brood Matron were in a different league than other foes he’d encountered. Even the Phantomblade was a tough foe.
“Ash Beast strength in the Ashen Realm is incomparable. I can assure you, their lofty Balar Ranks are well-earned. To fight one—even a smaller one—is to risk death for all but the truly strong.”
A knot in Vir’s stomach began to tighten. “So, when you said there’s a way through…”
“I meant finding an Ash Gate that leads you to your destination. If you can survive the poisoning, the possibility is there. Ash Tears open and close continuously. You might even get lucky and find a gate soon after you enter that blighted place.”
And to think Mahadi—Janak’s home—is deep within there. Vir shivered. And yet, Janak, Shardul, and Ekanai all believed he would survive.
“There’s no other way?” Vir asked.
“Not that I’m aware. You’ll find no one else in the Pagan Order who’s been to the Ash and survived, I’m afraid.”
“Well, it’s not much, but it’s something,” Vir said softly.
“If you must go, enter near Matali,” Amarat said. “The beasts are weakest there, which leads me to believe it leads to a less dangerous region of the Ashen Realm. Of course, I could very well be wrong.”
The elderly demon gazed at Vir. “You are still young. You have your whole life to live. Do not throw it away in search of glory.”
“What if it’s not glory I’m after?”
“Then I would advise you to act in a manner that leaves you with the least regrets. There’s not a soul alive without regrets. All we can do is seek to minimize them.”
Vir didn’t reply, and the demon said no more.
“I am here if you need me.”
With those words, Amarat departed, leaving Maiya and Vir alone.
Several minutes passed in silence.
“What will you do?” Maiya asked.
“I have to go.”
“Even though it’s suicide?”
“I… don’t think it will be. Not for me.”
“Because you’re a demon?”
“That’s part of it,” Vir replied. “But there’s more.”
There was only one fact about the Ash that led him to believe that—Ash prana.
“You know how I use Ash prana, right? It’s why people think I’m prana scorned. Because my affinity’s different from the ones humans know about.”
“Right. Well, the Altani might. They definitely know more about magic than the rest of us, but no one knows how or why. “
“Maybe. There’s another nation who knows of it, though.”
“Oh?”
“You know how I can see prana, right? Turns out some of the Order demons have a similar ability.”
“I gotta stop being surprised by all the impossible things the Order can do. That’s wild.”
“Tell me about it,” Vir said. “Anyway, humans usually have an assortment of affinities within them. The stronger the mejai, the fewer of those other affinities they possess.”
“So…”
“So every Ash Beast I’ve fought had Ash prana. Only Ash prana. No other affinities.”
The only exception was the Brood Matron, though that was because she consumed animals of the human realm to produce her offspring.
“You’re saying that you have the same affinity as Ash Beasts do. And Ash Beasts are weakened considerably outside the Ash,” Maiya said, her eyes lighting up in comprehension. “Which means… You’d also grow a lot stronger in the Ash!”
“Right. I mean, I’m pretty sure there’s more Ash prana in the Ashen Realm than there is here, or those beasts wouldn’t be that strong. I dunno if it’s the dominant affinity there, but it’s enough to strengthen Ash Beasts. It ought to do the same to me. Hopefully.”
The question was by how much, and whether his strength gains would be enough to deal with the threats there.
“Vir, that’s incredible! Leave it to you to become stronger in the Ash when everyone else is off dying of prana poisoning.”
“That might still happen. I can’t say. But the custodian survived. Demons just seem to weather its effects better than humans.”
“Yeah,” Maiya said, her expression turning sour. “I’d die the instant I set foot there.”
Vir wasn’t oblivious to Maiya’s feelings. After being separated for so long, he wanted nothing more than to be together.
Yes, he’d found a place with the Pagan Order, but the more he thought about it, the more he came to appreciate the bond he had with Maiya. As she said, nothing stopped him from visiting the Order whenever he wanted.
As he stared into Maiya’s beautiful hazel eyes, he imagined that life—living in Sonam’s castle with Maiya, going on adventures, or even just exploring the city and Kin’jal together. Enjoying a night at the pub or snuggling on a cold night like they used to.
The weight of temptation nearly crushed Vir. But he knew well what would happen. One day, he’d wake up to find Maiya dead beside him, her throat slit by Ekanai. Or worse, his makeup would slip and Kin’jal would prosecute him for being a demon. Maiya might lose her station for being seen as a demon sympathizer.
Vir shut his eyes, purging that future from his thoughts. Until he came to terms with his past incarnations, there would be no peace. No happy, idyllic life with Maiya.
And even if none of those came to pass, Lord Janak’s words would haunt him. The Demon Realm. What was it like? Who was he? What was the purpose of the Primordial?
Vir knew at that moment that he had to do this. Not for the Order, or for Maiya. For himself.
“I’ll return. This, I swear to you. I will find a way to silence these voices in my head. This destiny, whatever it is, I’ll finish it. And then I’ll come back.”
Maiya held his gaze, even as her cheeks flushed. “As I said. I’ll be here.”
“You say that, but even I don’t know how long this might take. It could be years, Maiya.”
“This is the part where you say, ‘don’t waste your life waiting for me,’ Vir. You were about to say it, weren’t you?”