THE PRICE OF FISH
BLIND BETTY SAYS ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST. Pity Jimmy is rocking in his chair like he agrees with her but I don’t think he does. Why I think Pity Jimmy doesn’t agree with her is because Pity Jimmy doesn’t like Blind Betty one bit. Nobody here likes Blind Betty but it’s Pity Jimmy that don’t like her the best. He doesn’t even listen to her when she talks which is most all of the time. Blind Betty is one of the blindsters that wasn’t born blind. Not all these blindsters were born blind. Some like Blind Betty can remember what certain things look like. She says she can remember what an apple looks like and what a dandelion looks like. One thing she can’t remember is what her baby brother looked like. Blind Betty had a baby brother who was a retard and who died back when Blind Betty wasn’t blind. I hear about her retard brother almost every day which is part of what they promise to pay me for. It’s my job to walk these blindsters around obstacles and land mines and listen to their stories about retard brothers. The good thing about Pity Jimmy is all he says about people is how and when they were born. Pity Jimmy never says what any of it means and no one tries asking him. I asked him once and all he did was snap his fingers and jerk his head at me. Out of all these blindsters Pity Jimmy is probably the blindest one of all. This is why they tell me to keep an eye out special for Pity Jimmy. The land mines can be anywhere so you have to watch out when you walk. Blind Betty stepped on a roller skate one time and cracked her head open on the shiny new floor. They did up the floors so you could see yourself in them. I never see myself in the floor but they said I could if I looked. They say the floors shine like pool water like a mirror ball and that you can skate on them floors if you’re not careful. They put us all on a bus so they could do this to the floors. Blind Betty said they bussed us away so that our lungs wouldn’t bleed out our earballs. Blind Betty knows about these things because she’s fingered all the Braille books on anatomy. They all of them gave me what-for when Blind Betty cracked her head open. This is not what we pay you for they said. I think I shook my head yes but I don’t remember ever getting paid by them even once. I think what it is I do here I do for free. I said this to Blind Betty and she told me what does that have to do with the price of fish. Blind Betty doesn’t like it when you interrupt her which is probably why nobody here likes her much. This is also why she said on the bathroom floor it doesn’t matter what you had for breakfast. She was telling us how after she’d cracked her head open she’d get dizzy in the bathroom and fall down. She said she was on the floor sometimes two hours before someone thought to come check on her. One time it was me they sent to check on her and I found her there on the bathroom floor like she was taking a nap. I splashed water on her face and slapped her cheek like I seen done in the movies. Then I walked her to bed and went to find Pity Jimmy who was probably doing something wrong somewhere and getting me in trouble for it. What I said to Blind Betty was that at least she got flapjacks for breakfast after she cracked her head open. I said at least that’s something. Pity Jimmy was next to me when I said this and was rocking in his chair back and forth and snapping his fingers when Blind Betty said what she said back. I want to think Pity Jimmy agreed with me instead of Blind Betty because I’m the one who walks him around and keeps him from cracking his head open but you can’t tell with him sometimes because he’s blind.
BLIND BETTY TO HER BABY BROTHER
BLIND BETTY IS TO BLINDSTERS WHAT HER BABY BROTHER WAS TO RETARDS. I thought this up the other day but I don’t know if I know what it means. Years ago there was Blind Betty who back then was regular Betty because she hadn’t caught the disease in her eyes and went blind yet. Also there was her baby brother who was a retard and who lived in the underground world. This underground world was the exact opposite so if you were tall in the aboveground world you’d be short in the underground and vice versa. What I think I meant was when I think of blindsters I think Blind Betty and when I think of retards I think of her baby brother. I never knew a blindster before Blind Betty and I never knew a retard neither. I seen both blindsters and retards on the TV but that was it. The TV I had squealed like a wounded bird but even still it played shows about blindsters and retards whenever that sort of show was on. I told Blind Betty all about my TV around the same time she told me about her baby brother and the underground world. The thing about Blind Betty is she’s blind now and blindsters lie more than regular people do so you don’t know if what she says about the underground world is true. The problem is there’s no telling if Blind Betty was as big and fat a liar back when she was regular Betty as she is now as a blindster. From what she tells me I think the answer is yes.
GREEN GO FAST AND BLUEBONNET HOME
PITY JIMMY SURPRISED ME WHEN HE SAID MY PROBLEM IS I GOT TOO MUCH PROTEIN. Up till then all Pity Jimmy did was rock back and forth like he was in a rocking chair standing up and snap his fingers without making any snapping sounds. He also would jerk his head around like there was a gnat flying in his face. The good thing about Pity Jimmy is all he would say about people is how and when they were born. That’s all Pity Jimmy had to say up until he said what he said about protein. Blind Betty wasn’t there when Pity Jimmy said he got too much protein. I was walking Pity Jimmy back to his room so I could give him his medication. I’m the one to give him his pills after he eats in the cafeteria breakfast lunch and dinner. We keep the pills in his room because the one time we brought them to the cafeteria I lost both bottles. There were two bottles and I didn’t have enough pockets was the problem. Blind Betty is the one who taught me which pills to give Pity Jimmy and in what order. If you give Pity Jimmy the wrong pills in the wrong order he will fall down and have convulsions and swallow his tongue and die. I don’t know this to be true but it’s what Blind Betty tells me. Blind Betty has fingered all the books on health and anatomy so she knows about these things she says. So when I give Pity Jimmy his pills I don’t know if I’m doing it the way I’m supposed to do it. Blind Betty told me to give him the green pills first and the blue pills second. She said the way I can remember it is green go fast and bluebonnet home. She doesn’t say why I should remember it this way only that it is a mnemonic device and it is the only way he won’t fall on the floor and convulse and swallow his tongue and die. This is why he has to take pills in the first place Blind Betty says. What she doesn’t say is what a mnemonic device is but I assume it has something to do with Pity Jimmy’s medicine so I don’t bother asking. Every time I give Pity Jimmy his pills I wait for him to fall on the floor and do what Blind Betty says he’ll do. I never tell this part to anyone though. I also don’t bother telling anyone what Pity Jimmy said about protein. Even if his problem is too much protein you probably can’t believe it because he’s blind.