CONGRATULATIONS, PITY JIMMY
PITY JIMMY SAYS THERE’S NOTHING SEXIER THAN A PREGNANT WOMAN. He says this all the time these days so you don’t know if you should believe him. Time was all Pity Jimmy used to say is how and when people were born but then there was the miracle of the protein and from then on he talks like a regular person now. He never did say why his problem was too much protein and I never asked neither. He still rocks back and forth like he is in a rocking chair standing up and he still snaps his fingers without making any snapping sounds even though he talks regular now. Why Pity Jimmy says there’s nothing sexier than a pregnant woman is because one of them other blindsters the one named Janie turned up pregnant last week. They gave me what-for when Janie turned up pregnant which is another reason I don’t like it here and might leave. No matter what happens here I get in trouble for it. This is why I think I might leave in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep. I would’ve done this already but the problem is I don’t know where I am. They put me on a bus to get here and I didn’t notice what direction the bus was driving is the problem. I think I was on the bus a long time so I might be a long way from home. The other thing is I don’t have any money. If I had money I could find my way home and this way get to watch my TV and eat food from my refrigerator like before. I think they think I had something to do with Janie getting pregnant or else they think it was Pity Jimmy who had something to do with it. Pity Jimmy is always getting people in trouble so it wouldn’t make no difference if it was me or him. In the cafeteria I heard some of them blindsters talking about Janie which is when Pity Jimmy said what he said about pregnant women. I don’t know why Pity Jimmy thinks there’s nothing sexier than a pregnant woman. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about half the time. If he could see pregnant Janie then he wouldn’t keep saying what he says about her. Pregnant Janie is so fat it looks like she was born pregnant. I don’t know how anyone can tell she got herself pregnant in the first place, Pregnant Janie included. I’ve never seen any blindster have anything to do with Pregnant Janie but I didn’t know I was supposed to keep an eye out for anything neither. Sometimes they don’t always tell me what it is I’m supposed to do. Like when all them blindsters made a big sign in Braille bumps that says Congratulations Pity Jimmy all across it. They made this sign in the cafeteria and spread it out across one of the tables there and it turns out I wasn’t supposed to let them do that. I ran my hands across the sign once to feel what it feels like. I made sure to do this when no one was around even though I knew none of them blindsters could see me anyway. The Braille bumps didn’t feel like anything to me and I couldn’t tell where one letter stopped and the next one started. The sign could’ve been Braille mumbo jumbo and I wouldn’t know the difference. I don’t know if Pity Jimmy is the one who got Pregnant Janie pregnant and I don’t care neither. Although I don’t think he even knows how to get someone pregnant is what I think. Regardless, my job here has nothing to do with anyone getting pregnant. Next day they told me to take the sign and throw it in the fireplace but I took it out to the woodshed instead. I hid the sign behind an old stack of wood against the back wall. Eventually something will happen to Pity Jimmy so we can hang it up somewhere.
MICE GETTING THE POINTS
BLIND BETTY SAYS IT’S SUNDAY NIGHT AND ALL OF US ARE POOR. She says this sometimes when we are in the cafeteria trying to eat. No one here likes Blind Betty which is why no one answers when she says things like this. What the blindsters do instead is keep eating and hope she doesn’t say anything else which almost never happens. Whenever no one answers Blind Betty will talk about her mother the traveling minstrel or her retard brother and the underground world. Everyone here knows these stories backwards and forwards so I don’t think anyone listens anymore. Pregnant Janie keeps feeding herself chicken and potatoes and Pity Jimmy keeps shaking his head like there’s a gnat flying in his face which is why I think they’re not listening. Out of all the blindsters that don’t like Blind Betty it’s Pity Jimmy that don’t like her best. Pity Jimmy used to would get Blind Betty drunk on white wine and scotch but that almost never happens anymore I don’t think. I’m with Pity Jimmy day and night it seems so if he was still getting her drunk I’d probably know about it. I never knew where Pity Jimmy got the wine and scotch and he never told me neither. They never said nothing about keeping the blindsters from drinking or keeping them from getting pregnant but of course they still gave me what-for when Pregnant Janie turned up pregnant. This is not what we pay you for is what they said but I haven’t been paid by them once yet. I think what it is I do here I do for free and I think there’ll come a time when I’ll sneak off at night when everyone’s asleep so I won’t have to do it no more. I don’t know how I’ll get home because I don’t have any money which is probably why I haven’t snuck off yet. I figure sooner or later they have to give me some money otherwise they might get in trouble. I think what it is they do to me here is illegal. I asked Blind Betty if what they do to me is illegal because Blind Betty fingers all the Braille books on law and order but what she said back was curse words. Then she said that illegal was a sick bird and there wasn’t a hospital for miles. Thing about Blind Betty is you don’t know what she is talking about half the time. Like when she says it’s Sunday night and all of us are poor it’s because she bets money on football games. So in this case everyone includes only Blind Betty herself. I think I heard her on the telephone one time placing a bet. She said something like give me Chicago twenty times and then the person on the other end said something and then Blind Betty said thank you Danny and hung up. I think the Danny she was talking to on the phone was the same Danny who came by to fix the compressor that one time. How Blind Betty knows Danny is she’s friends with Danny’s girlfriend. Danny never said he was a bookie when he was here fixing the compressor but I don’t think anyone asked either. Blind Betty says someday I might have to shoot her in the back of the head for her own good just like George did to Lenny after he killed the rabbits. She says if it ever comes down to it I should take the mice getting the points because men never cover the spread on the road. I don’t know what she means by the mice or the points or who George is and why he shot Lenny but I decide not to ask questions. I tell her that is not what they’ll pay me for when they do finally pay me. This is when she’ll call me a fay gaggot and I’ll tell her that some of us are poor and can’t help it but what I’m thinking is she probably doesn’t mean for me to shoot her anyway.