‘Come on, wake up!’ I came suddenly out of my absorption to find Blah offering me a cigarette.
‘Sorry,’ I said and took one.
He produced his lighter which had been given to him on his birthday earlier in the week. It was a heavy silver one and he was still rather proud of possessing it. He snapped it open. There was a spark, but nothing happened. He tried again and again whilst the detachment watched with sly amusement. But it wouldn’t light. At last, exasperated, he exclaimed, ‘You Anti-Semitic swine,’ and put the thing in his pocket.
It was a little thing, but it changed my whole mood for the moment. I couldn’t help laughing at the way he said it. And after I had laughed, Thorby seemed somehow less hostile. And when I looked about me again it was at any aerodrome baking peacefully in the sunshine and not at a prison with barbed-wire bars.
It was nearly five before we were allowed to stand-down. As soon as we had finished tea I got Kan to play a game of chess with me. Anything to keep my mind occupied. But I couldn’t concentrate. We hadn’t been playing more than ten minutes before he had taken my Queen. In a fit of annoyance I swept the board and gave him the game. ‘It’s no use,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t concentrate.’
Chetwood took my place. I went over to my bed and began to make it. The loss of my Queen seemed so symbolic. Everything seemed to be going wrong. Marion hadn’t turned up. Nightingale had baled out — God knows when he would be able to produce the maps I wanted. And I had to get out of the place. I just had to, before I was murdered. I felt very near to tears as I unfolded my blankets. How was I to get out? The main gate was out of the question. And there were Guards all round the barbed-wire boundaries, patrolling night and day. The only way was to slip through the wire at night and take a chance that I shouldn’t be seen. But it was a big risk. Almost as big a risk as staying. And there were Guards in the woods at the bottom. Automatically I was considering the wire below the hut as the best place to get through. But I couldn’t leave until I knew where Cold Harbour Farm was and when the plan was due to break. ‘But I must get away. I must get away.’ I found suddenly that I was muttering this to myself over and over again, my eyes filling with tears because of my tiredness and my frustration. My mind was uncontrolled, incoherent — full of nameless terrors that would not exist if I could only think the matter out calmly.
‘Hanson! Waaf outside wants to see you.’
I looked up. Fuller, who was acting as air sentry, was standing in the door. ‘Eh?’ I said stupidly as my mind tried to grasp what I had heard quite clearly.
‘Waaf wants to speak to you. She’s over by the pit.’
A sudden flow of new energy coursed through my body. All right,’ I said, and dropped the blanket I had just picked up and went outside.
It was Marion all right. And when I came up to her I could think of nothing to say except, ‘Have you found out when her birthday was to have been?’
I was horribly conscious of the fact that I had spoken very abruptly to hide my nervousness.
‘Yes,’ she said. It may have been my imagination, but it seemed to me that she gave me a rather puzzled look. ‘It would have been on Sunday.’
‘You mean tomorrow?’
She nodded.
The imminence of what I was expecting steadied me. I did not say anything. Tomorrow meant tomorrow morning, surely. To immobilise the fighter ‘dromes must mean a landing from the air and that would almost certainly be carried out at dawn. There was so little time — less than twelve hours.
‘What’s the matter?’ Marion asked.
‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘Just that there isn’t much time if I’m to do anything, and I don’t know what to do.’
‘No, I don’t mean that. I knew that would worry you. But you seemed so strange when you came out.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. I felt suddenly scared of losing my one ally. Almost unnoticed an intimacy, deeper than just the words we spoke to each other, had grown up between us. It seemed so easy to break the thread that made that intimacy — it was so indefinable, so slight. ‘It’s just that I’m tired and worried.’
‘Hadn’t you better tell Winton or someone in authority all you know?’ she pleaded.
‘Yes, but what do I know? Nothing. I’ve told John Nightingale. He didn’t laugh at me, thank God! That’s the best I can do. The rest is up to me.’
‘But what can you possibly do?’
‘I don’t know. I shall have to get to this Cold Harbour Farm tonight.’
‘But how? You won’t be able to get leave, will you?’
‘No. I’ll just have to take a chance on breaking camp.’
‘But you can’t possibly do that.’ The anxiety in her voice gave me a perverted thrill. ‘You might get shot.’
I laughed a little wildly. “That wouldn’t be anything new,’ I declared. “They’ve already had two attempts at shooting me.’
‘Barry!’ Her hand gripped my arm. ‘You didn’t mean that. You’re not serious, surely.’
I told her about the bullet that had hit the back of my tin hat during the previous day’s raid and about the burst of tracers that had streamed past me from the dispersal point that morning.
‘But why don’t you tell your officer?’
‘Because I can’t prove anything,’ I said, exasperated.
‘Oh, if you want to be obstinate, be obstinate,’ she said, her eyes wide and two angry spots of colour showing in her cheeks.
‘But don’t you understand,’ I said, ‘in each case they might easily have been accidents? Ogilvie would just think the raid had upset me and I should be sent off to Battery for a rest. It’s no good. I’ve just got to get to Cold Harbour Farm tonight. That reminds me,’ I added suddenly. ‘John Nightingale promised to get me Ordnance Survey maps for southeast England. But he can’t. He baled out in a dog-fight this afternoon. God knows where he is. And I must have those maps, otherwise I can’t tell where the wretched place is. Have you got any in Ops.?’
‘Yes, but I can’t take them away.’
‘No, but you could search through them. It would take some time, I know, but — ‘
‘I certainly will not,’ she cut in. ‘I’ll do nothing to help you embark on this crazy expedition.’
My troubles seemed suddenly to roll away as I gazed down at her defiant, anxious little face. That’s kind of you, Marion. But please — you must help me. It’s just as dangerous if I stay here. And if I didn’t go and what I am afraid of happened, you’d never forgive yourself, I know.’
She hesitated.
‘Please,’ I said. ‘It’s the only chance.’
‘But you can’t be certain that what I heard Elaine say in her sleep had any deep significance.’
‘Yes, but what about the injured workman?’
‘I can understand your regarding the coincidence of their both speaking of Cold Harbour Farm as significant, but Elaine’s birthday probably has no bearing on the business.’
‘Three more fighter ‘dromes were attacked today,’ I said. ‘During the last three or four days practically every fighter station of any size in southeast England has had a bad pasting. It just happens that the date of her birthday is about the time I think they will strike if they’re going to. Your arguments are just the sort of arguments that I know would be raised by the authorities if I went to them. I’ve made up my mind that I’m on the right track. The only question now is, will you help me or not, Marion?’