“Where are we going?” I asked, having no idea where we were.
“It’s a surprise.” His deep voice slid over my skin like a gentle caress, teasing me into wanting a different kind of caress from him.
He shifted gears as we began climbing a hill. When we crested the top, he maneuvered us into a sharp turn. When we rounded the corner, I gasped at the view that opened up before my very eyes. At the bottom of the steep cliff to the left side of the car was a lake in all its magnificent glory. Lights along the other side of the water glinted and danced, a little tease of the kind of life I once lived and dreamed I’d one day experience again.
Ever since my parents had died, I’d yearned to be on the lake again. To wake up in the morning and watch the calm water as nature slowly came to life around me. To feel the peace of lying on my back in the cool water with the sun beating down on my front. To sit in a chair on the back deck watching Sophie jump off the dock into the water—the same way my mother had when I was Sophie’s age. That was the kind of life I wanted for my little girl and me.
Those few years I’d had with my parents in their house on the lake were the happiest of my life, and I wanted Sophie to be able to experience the same joy. The realization that probably would never happen made me frown.
Life could be so unfair.
“What’s got you so down?” Xavier asked with a quick glance in my direction.
“Nothing.” I sighed and leaned my head back against the seat rest. Before riding in his car, I’d never really understood what the term soft as butter meant in reference to leather. Now that I did, I appreciated it wholeheartedly.
“That doesn’t sound like a nothing. Tell me.” His hand reached over and grasped my knee, lingering for the briefest of moments before he moved it to rest on the gearshift. My skin tingled from the residual heat of his skin on mine.
“I was just thinking how much I’d love to live on the lake again,” I admitted.
“So why the frown?” He glimpsed at me with a questioning raise of an eyebrow.
“Because it will never happen,” I replied glumly.
“Never say never, sweetheart.” My heart stopped when he called me sweetheart. It felt like such a familiar term of endearment between us, though he had never used it before. I would have expected something hard and cliché like babe from him. Not something as sweet as sweetheart. I liked it. Too much.
Shaking off the way he made me feel, I focused on his words instead. “I can safely say never. No way in hell I’ll ever be able to afford a place on the water. It’s okay, though,” I added softly. It was more for me than for Xavier, and judging by his wry grin, I think he knew that.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you never know what life is going to throw your way. You can control the present and plan for the inevitable, but somehow you’ll still get a surprise thrown in there.” His tone was edged in steel when he finished with, “So never say never.”
“Okay,” I agreed. Something about the way he spoke made hope flair alive in me again. Maybe it was something I needed right then more than I thought.
“Were you planning on taking a drive tonight anyway?” I found myself asking as we tracked around the lake.
“Yeah.”
“How come?” I asked distractedly, not wanting to take my eyes off the scenery.
“A lot on my mind,” he finally admitted after several seconds of silence.
I turned my body to face him and studied his profile. A memory of how preoccupied he had been the last few days assaulted me. He seemed more ornery than usual as well. Barking and threatening people like it was second nature. I hadn’t really focused on it before now, having chosen rather to ignore him in hopes that I wouldn’t be a target of his anger.
Who was I kidding?
I had really hoped staying away from him would make it so I stopped fantasizing about him and the way it would feel to have him moving over me. In me. Around me. Anything as long as it was with me.
“Anything you want to talk about?” I asked with sincerity, the need to soothe him far too real.
He gave me a guarded look before shaking his head. Disappointment filled me, but I refused to show it. Instead, I just smiled and said, “If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”
Apparently done with talking, Xavier pushed a button on the steering wheel and music poured from the speakers—saxophones spinning a jazz tempo behind Sting’s soulful voice as he sang the classic “Ain’t No Sunshine.”
I never would have guessed this would be his choice of music. Then again, there was a lot about Xavier O’Brien I didn’t know.
I had the feeling that was exactly what he wanted—for people to see only what he allowed them to see.
“Jazz?” I teased.
He shrugged those broad shoulders of his and grinned at the windshield.
“What else would I find on a Xavier O’Brien playlist?”
“Depends on my mood,” he evaded.
“Hmm.” I tapped my finger on my chin thoughtfully. “You seem to be a no-nonsense kind of guy. And you typically look ready to either spit nails or rip a bear’s head off with your bare hands. So I’m going with either hardcore rap or death metal as a guess. Which is it?”
He gave me a surprised look and chuckled. “You got me. Death metal all the way.”
I smiled while thinking I really wanted to make him laugh like that all the damn time. Something told me he took himself far too seriously.
“Well, do me a favor and wait until after you drop me off to play your music of choice.” I gave a mock shudder that made him roll his eyes.
“Don’t worry. You’re safe.” His eyes followed my leg from my knee to the top of my thigh before he added, “For now.”
The double meaning behind his words had my internal muscles clenching in anticipation. I had the sudden urge to unbuckle my seatbelt and straddle his body in an effort to be as unsafe as possible.
“Too bad,” I mumbled under my breath and straightened in my seat, looking out the window as the scenery flew by and we fell into a companionable silence.
All too soon we were back on the highway, pointed towards the city. A huge part of me was disappointed our time together was coming to an end. There were so many things I wanted to know about Xavier. So many questions I wanted to ask him.
Of course, those thoughts were just a way to distract me from exploring the real reasons I wanted to spend more time with him. It was starting to get harder and harder to ignore the attraction I felt whenever he was near. Especially since he had become a recurring player in my dreams after that first exceptionally erotic dream I’d had, starring him.
The craziest part? The fact that the best dreams weren’t the sexual ones, but rather the ones where we sat side by side on a porch looking out over a field of hay while the sun set. My soul had never felt more at ease than in those precious moments before I awoke.
“Why aren’t we going back to The Den?” Recognizing the park around the corner from my apartment, I perked up, wondering why he wasn’t taking me back to my car.
“Boys will bring your car to you in the morning,” was his response.
“Still doesn’t explain why you don’t want me driving it home tonight,” I pressed.
Xavier turned into my complex, the engine purring as he parked in a spot by the stairs leading up to my door. He cut the engine and draped his arm over the steering wheel, turning to look at me, a picture of masculine beauty. “It’s late. We’re here. I’ll have the boys bring your car to you in the morning.”
“Okay,” I whispered. My eyes locked on his lips, and I mentally pleaded with him to kiss me. After spending so much time with him and knowing that he was looking out for me and my safety, I couldn’t force myself to deny I wanted him. “Walk me upstairs?”