Sophie tugged on his jeans to get his attention, which he gave her by tipping his head down to look at her.
“I know you. You’re the knight!” She clapped her hands in glee and gave his leg a hug, and despite myself I smiled. Especially when he gifted my daughter with a breathtaking grin while ruffling her hair affectionately.
“Oh, Lordy be. Who’s that?” Ruth asked me in a near whisper, forgetting her original question. I couldn’t quite tell if she was scared of him or in awe of him. I knew from experience it could go either way.
“My boss,” I answered her.
“Why did he call you Aurora?”
“Long story,” I muttered and turned my attention back to the man in front of me. “What were you thinking?” I asked shortly.
“I was thinking you and your little girl don’t belong in this shit hole.”
Ruth gasped at my side, probably due to his choice word.
“You have no right to dictate where I will and won’t live.”
“So you’re saying you’d rather live here? When you could be in a nice house that sits on the lake just like you wanted?” His eyebrows rose and he gave me a look stating he clearly thought I was the unreasonable one.
“No. I’m saying I can’t afford to live in a nice house that sits on the lake.”
“Yes, you can.” He gave me a defiant look that I wanted to slap off his face.
“No, I can’t.”
“Excuse me,” George cut in. “We really are running out of time if we’re going to hit the deadline.”
“George—” I began to tell him he could leave when Xavier cut me off.
“Go ahead and start in the kitchen.” He nodded toward the room and turned back to me, effectively dismissing George.
“You just can’t—”
“I can,” he argued.
“Will someone tell me what’s going on here?” Ruth demanded to know.
“I’ll explain later. Right now, can you take Sophie to your place?”
“You sure you’ll be alright?” Her sour look told me she didn’t believe for one second I would be.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t want her around for the curse words that are sure to fly around here.”
Ruth complied with my request, luring Sophie away with the promise of ice cream and giving me a pointed look that said I had some explaining to do.
“Can you guys wait outside?” I asked George and Scotty, who quickly obliged even though George was fit to be tied at one more delay.
“What were you hoping to accomplish by doing this?” I asked him once we were alone.
He stared at me with that blank mask of his I hated so much.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t want to play it with you. You made it perfectly clear where we stood and this is not it. I’ve got enough to worry about without you doing… whatever it is you’re doing,” I continued.
What he didn’t do was reply.
Again.
Bastard.
I sighed and said softly, “I know your intentions are probably good and I do appreciate them, but you can’t keep trying to dictate how I live my life. These aren’t your decisions to make.”
His mouth tightened and his jaw ticked, but he still said nothing.
“Please say something,” I implored, beyond tired of the silent treatment. I didn’t expect him to listen, and I definitely didn’t expect what he said.
“I know what it’s like to have nothing. To have shit handed to you and all you can do is eat it while trying to make the best of it,” he said in a low voice that if it all possible sounded scarier than his loud, angry voice. “And I know how it feels to want a place to call your own.”
His words and the steely emotion behind them made my heart squeeze. No one who experienced his cool composure would ever guess that he knew what it was like to struggle. This was such an uncharacteristic look into the mystery that was Xavier.
“Sometimes you need someone to have your back, Aurora. I have the means to give you what you’re reaching for, and I won’t slap your hand when you do. Let me take care of you.”
“It’s too much,” I whispered.
“It’s really not. The rent on the house is paid for a year. Don’t let pride stand in the way of your happiness. Take it.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head. There was no way I could ever accept a gift like this, especially from him. Not after what had happened between us not ten feet from where I stood.
He crossed the room in three long strides. His body pressed against me as his hands ran through my hair to cup the back of my head. With nowhere to go, thanks to his tight hold on me, all I could do was stare in his beautiful blue eyes and find myself mesmerized by his long, thick lashes.
Being this close to him had all my resistance fleeing. He smelled so good, and I found myself wishing he would kiss me. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from begging him for it.
“Let it be me,” he whispered, and my eyes closed to hide the emotions those four words evoked in me. I wanted to laugh with glee and at the same time cry in sorrow, neither of which I wanted him to see.
“Let me be the one to give you something beautiful.” My heart instantly melted at his words. For as much as I denied it, that was what I wanted. For him to be the one to give me anything and everything. I wanted him to protect us. To love us.
I wanted it too much, which was why I knew I’d never have it.
“Let me take your back,” he continued.
All my encounters with Xavier taught me one thing—he was a magnet pulling me in and at the same time pushing me away. I needed to take control or I would end up throwing myself at him again. After how poorly it had ended the last time, I wouldn’t be able to handle another rejection.
My hands gripped his forearms, putting pressure there and telling him I wanted him to pull away. When he let me, I fought the sadness that threatened to overwhelm me.
“I can’t play these games with you. You had your chance and you threw it in my face,” I said in a low voice to hide the emotion behind them.
I took two steps back, putting some much-needed distance between us. “I’m grateful for your offer, but I cannot accept it.”
“Aurora—”
“No. I need you to leave.” He reached for me and I took another step back. “Now.”
He moved to the door, pausing with his hand over the knob, and my heart tripped at what that might mean. His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath before he lowered his hand and turned the knob. Without even putting up a fight, he walked out, not even bothering to look at me, which was probably a good thing given the devastation that seemed to overwhelm me almost instantly.
When I heard the door shut behind him, I wrapped my arms around my middle and slid down the wall until my ass hit the floor. Only then did I allow the tears of sadness and frustration to fill my eyes.
Once my tears subsided and the puffiness around my eyes wasn’t so pronounced, I went downstairs to retrieve my daughter. Ruth immediately answered her door with a concerned look on her face, to which I responded with a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.
I was still shaken by my confrontation with Xavier. I wasn’t proud of the fact that he got under my skin—again. Or that I continually allowed him to give me whiplash. It was like I just couldn’t help myself with him.
Push and pull.
Advance and retreat.
That seemed to be our M.O.
Surely I was stronger than this, although evidence was clearly pointing at the opposite.
The question was when was the back and forth between us going to end?
“Where is Sophie?” I asked after taking in the empty living room.
“Mikey’s father dropped him off early, so I told them they could go watch a movie on my bed.”
“I bet they were excited.” The kids absolutely loved Ruth’s fluffy mattress, especially to jump on. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was what they were doing right then instead of watching the movie.
“You could say that,” she murmured while shuffling over to the coffee pot. Her back to me, she filled a mug, pouring cream and sugar in, all the while keeping me on pins and needles. I hated when she did this. There was nothing worse than to be kept waiting while anticipating her mom-like questions and subsequent lecture that were sure to come.
She turned and sat at the kitchen table. When she brought the mug to her lips, she looked at me over the rim and raised an eyebrow.
“What?” I asked defensively.
“You’re wringing your hands. Any reason why?”
I sighed and plopped down in the chair across from her. “I’m waiting for you to ask me about my boss and the scene you witnessed.”
“Okay,” she said in a bored tone.
“Okay? That’s all you’re going to say?”
“Yes. If you want to tell me about him, you will,” she advised.
Oh boy. She was good. The old reverse psychology bit to get me talking. So sly… and smart, considering it worked.
“There isn’t much to say. His intentions are… misguided sometimes.” Misguided. Yes. I thought that accurately described his behavior of late. While he might have good intentions, he was going about them the wrong way. Especially since it really wasn’t his place to have the intentions in the first place.
“And what exactly are his intentions?” she asked casually, the direct opposite of how I expected her to be. By now we should have been well underway in the third-degree.
I could learn a thing or two about interrogation from her. I had a feeling I was going to need it once Sophie got older.
“He thinks Sophie and I deserve better. He’s… protective. Which I like. It’s just that, I don’t know.”
“You don’t want him to be protective?”
“No, I do,” I said quickly, surprising even myself. Sure I wanted him to protect me while at work, but not throughout the rest of my life.
“I see.” She nodded her head in understanding.
“What do you see?” I narrowed my eyes at the smug expression on her face.
“You want him to protect you. You like him,” she announced like it was as easy as that.
“It’s not that simple.”
You didn’t like someone like Xavier. You either stayed far away from him in the interest of self-preservation, considering he could cut you down with just a look, or you worshiped at his feet, hoping for any scraps he might give you. There was no in-between as I was coming to learn.
“Honey, love is never simple.” She looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing, “He’s quite the looker. Tall, dark and handsome. Not what I’d imagine for you, though.”
“Why not?” I asked defensively.
“You know you’re beautiful, Alyssa. It’s not that you don’t deserve someone who looks like him. It’s just, he’s got demons. One look in his eyes and I knew it. Not sure anyone can beat back that kind of heat.”
An invisible brick landed on my chest and my breath left me in a whoosh at her observation. If she only knew the truth about who and what he really was, she’d probably have a heart attack.
Xavier unapologetically peddled flesh. He had a dark side that I not only had gotten glimpses of but had also heard numerous stories about.
Candy had practically been beside herself just the week before telling us girls the story she’d learned about the state Big J had been found in before being rushed to the hospital recently. Broken ribs, contusions on his face so bad he was barely recognizable, internal bleeding and a collapsed lung had come courtesy of Xavier’s carefully—or not so carefully, depending on which way you looked at it—leashed temper. Rumor had it he’d disobeyed one of Xavier’s rules, something every person who knew the man knew not to do.
It was scary as all get out that he could do that kind of damage to another human being and not think twice about it. If he could leave a man he knew barely breathing, what might he do to one he didn’t even know?
“It doesn’t matter,” I finally replied. “It’s not a good idea to go there. Demons or not.”
“Probably not,” she concurred in between sips of coffee. “Why’d he call you Aurora?”
“It’s my stage name.” Calling it that was the easiest thing for her to understand.
“I see. So what was the big to-do upstairs about moving?”
The reminder that he actually thought I would just pack up my life and move because he wanted me to had me annoyed all over again. It was a ludicrous idea and there was no way in hell I would ever find myself indebted to him over something as huge as a lake house.
“The jerk thought he could rent a house on the lake for Sophie and me and that I’d be okay with it,” I cried out in exasperation.
“Why the lake?” Her question took me by surprise.
“Because I told him that ever since my parents died, I’ve dreamed about living in that neighborhood again. It’s a silly dream, really. It doesn’t matter anyway. I told him I wasn’t going to accept it,” I prattled on, oblivious to the somber expression on Ruth’s face.
“Alyssa, you might not want to take on that boy’s demons, but he sure wants to take on yours,” she declared.
“What?”
“Some men have a drive deep inside them to make things happen. They’re born to take care of people. When they claim a woman, and in some cases her child, they’ll stop at nothing to move heaven and earth to give her what she needs. To fulfill her innermost desires. To have her feel nothing but being loved and cherished. Xavier is one of those men, Alyssa. If you can beat back his demons, you’ll know the richest kind of love.”
“I don’t think you understand.” My brows furrowed in confusion. One minute she was telling me to stay away from him and his demons, and the next she was spouting off about the rewards of loving a man like him. It made absolutely no sense, and I wondered if this was another lesson in reverse psychology.
“I understand perfectly. My Charles was a man like your Xavier.” I wanted to argue that point seeing as no one was quite like Xavier. Plus the whole pimp extraordinaire gig was the complete opposite of what I presumed Ruth’s church-going Charles had been like.
“Until the day he died,” she continued, and I tamped down my internal musings, “he shielded me from just about every bad thing he could. Wrapped me up in cotton every day. The only thing he couldn’t protect me from was our precious daughter dying in that car accident. But if he could have, you better believe he would have.”
“What are you saying, Ruth?” I couldn’t allow myself to think of Xavier as being as wonderful as she described. It wouldn’t do well when it came time to steel myself against his mercurial moods.
“I’m not saying anything, child. Just thought you should know.”
Well shit. I hadn’t seen this coming.