The cards don’t belong to you. Neither does the girl. Stop by the office tonight.
The front door creaked in the next room. I unholstered my Colt, thought better of it, and unholstered the Engholm too.
Saucy Jack was creeping into the living room with a giant butcher’s knife clenched in his fist. I nudged the bedroom door open to greet him.
“Oy!” I yelled.
Jack took a step towards me with blade raised and murder in his eyes. That’s when he noticed the guns I had pointed at his face and Tom Johnson.
“You see any of this take place?” I motioned my head to the destroyed furniture.
“I didn’t do that,” he said.
“Not my question, mate. Did you see who did this?”
He shook his head. The room suddenly stunk of piss and not my own I assure you. I motioned to the knife.
“That for me?”
Saucy Jack shook his head again.
“Are you sure?” I drew back the hammers of both my guns. “I specifically remember asking you to bring a gun or a knife. That looks like a knife so I’ll ask again, is that for me?”
“Sure, m-m-mate.” His voice took on a cowards’ stammer. This whole situation was giving me an ill feeling. I wanted to hurt this man, but really I wanted to hurt Lord Barnes and this man was standing between me and him.
“Here’s the story, Jack. You leave that cutter on the floor. You brought it for me, so it’s mine now. Turn around, exit this room, go to the nearest restaurant and order a big supper. Know that the only reason you’re enjoying a meal or a pint or the sweet air around you is because I let you enjoy these things. And like God almighty I can take these things from you at my own displeasure. Mary is my girl now. If your air mingles with hers, I’ll stomp it from your lungs. If your eyes behold her, I’ll be there to pluck them out. If you hear her voice, just know that I’ll be standing behind you with that very knife, and I will make a necklace out of the ears I peel off your skull. Savvy?”
Jack dropped his blade and nodded his head.
“Good, now get the fuck out of my sight!”
Jack slowly backed out of the living room, still unsure of whether I would shoot him. In all fairness, I should have shot him. I should have laid him out on Mary’s living room floor, but that’s a story for another time and my mind was too occupied with Lord Barnes. So I let Jack walk away, somewhat intact.
There was no question about going back to Bow Street. If Barnes wanted me dead, why would he take Mary and leave a note? Why not just send back Safari and his ilk?
The firm looked exactly as I’d left it seven days ago, a lifetime ago. The machines still clicked and clattered. The tubes still whooshed their all-important documents and cards. Miss Penny Walker still ran the first division with her wrinkled iron fist. Upon my entry, she seized a porter and had him stand next to me, as though I were there to burn the place down. He was an older bloke, one of Orel’s contemporaries. Name of Standish.
“Evening, Standish. Bit of weather we’re having.”
“I’ve got nothing to say to you,” said Standish.
The primary lift opened and three thief catchers walked out. Myron Bells, Edgar Smithly, and Abraham Silver. One of Abraham’s arms was in a sling, the other held up a nickel-plated Colt Army, the brother of the pistol in my hip holster. Silver had burns down his arms as well.
“You ought to be more careful,” I told Silver and gave him a firm pat on the sling. Silver grunted in pain. Smithly locked my elbows behind me while Bells seized my firearms. Silver pocketed his Colt and gave me a stiff jab in the gut. Not bad for a little a guy. The three catchers duck walked me into the elevator and set the lever to floor three.
I can count the number of times I’ve been to the third floor on one hand. It was posh, that’s for certain. The building was originally four stories, but they demolished the fourth to give a vaulted ceiling to floor three. Everything was wrapped and framed in polished red wood. The lobby was centered with a stone fountain depicting Perseus on Pegasus. Water bubbled from Pegasus’ feet and coated a slick hill into a pool lined with mica-infused marble. Just over Perseus’ raised spear, a crystal chandelier cast dim electric light throughout the room. The floor plan was a perfect circle. Every three meters a door broke the circle’s continuity, marking the office of one of our seven managers. Lord Barnes’ office stood opposite of the lift door.My entourage led me around the fountain.
“Anyone throw coins in that?” I asked. No one answered.
The thief catchers put me through the door and into my destination. If a man’s surroundings speak of a man, then Lord Barnes was the very antithesis of Charles Darwin. Whereas Darwin’s sanctuary was cramped and filled with books and academic kits, Lord Barnes’ was a study of open spaces and gold gilding. The red wood of his walls were carved to look like men and women intertwined. Not sexually mind you, but rather like they were spirits drifting off to heaven or hell. Persian rugs alternated red and gold threads. His family coat of arms, a helm and leopard, dominated the wall behind a lavish glass and crystal desk. Not for the first time, I noted Lord Barnes had an office without windows. Security-minded, that.
“Jolly, how long has it been?” The gregarious man stood and grasped my hand like nothing in the world was wrong. Like I hadn’t been escorted in by damaged goons under orders from a note regarding a kidnapped prostitute.
“Too long, your Lordship. Business been alright?” I gave him that horrible smile of mine.
The Right Honorable Lord Barnes was a beast of a man. He had a good seven centimeters on me in addition to five kilos. He was a big man, but his fat and muscle were in equal balance. His hair and beard had gone shock white, but he still had enough vitality to beat a man senseless, or so I had heard. He looked every bit as aristocratic as his lineage would dictate.
“Hit and miss. Please, have a seat.”
He directed me to a King Louis chair, cleaner and prettier than Darwin’s. His goons kept their position at the back of the room. Silver held a hand over his shooter. I gave him a smile too.
“So,” his Lordship said, “we can beat around the bush and fence words, but I think we’re past that point, don’t you?”
He sat behind that unbelievable desk. The crystal had been cut to look like a product of nature. Crystalline formations sprung from the top and were carved into liquor decanters. Two were whiskey brown, one vodka clear, and one purple. Couldn’ttell you what was in the purple one.
“We’ve passed a few points.”
“Where would you like to begin?”
I ran through the rhetorical methods in my head and decided on diplomacy.
“I’m sorry about Owens.”
A gun cocked behind me. Lord Barnes raised his hand to the would be shooter.
“Don’t be. He was my wife’s sister’s son and a pain in the arse. Never really cut out for the work, that one. We’ve moved beyond that being an issue, at least for now. I’m more mad about you copying my cards than shooting poor slow Owens.”
“Do I need to apologize for the cards?”
“Don’t bother. Seems as though I’ve greatly underestimated your abilities. I hired you for this outfit to act as a ruffian. A fist swinger, if you will. You’ve turned out a bit more than that. I’ve tried to kill you twice, and no living man can boast that.”
“Maybe you should have used better assassins.”
Lord Barnes laughed at this. His laughed matched his size for throaty robustness.