Her heart was pounding in her chest. Clark had never forgiven her for what she had done to him. And she didn’t blame him. If the situations were reversed, she wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for his treachery either. He had slandered her name, and forced her out of their circle of friends. It was like she had lost everything in the divorce. The only thing that had kept her going was the knowledge that she would be in New York soon enough, and away from it all. Which did nothing to explain why he was here on her doorstep.
Always confident, he didn’t even flinch. He smiled politely and let his green eyes work their way down her body. She instantly felt self-conscious in her skimpy black dress. The tiny spaghetti straps ended in a v-neck front and the polyester material hugged her curves in all the right places. Lexi hugged her arms across herself only increasing the amount of cleavage visible.
“I came to see you. You look beautiful,” he told her, his voice rich with emotion.
Lexi gulped hard. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her.
“Can I come in?”
Lexi bit her lip unsure of whether or not she should let him in. On the one hand, she hadn’t seen him in a very, very long time, and so it was nice to have him here. On the other hand, Jack would be here any minute. She couldn’t even imagine that.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” she muttered her eyes on the floor. She could hear whispering behind her back, and knew that her roommates were trying to decipher who the mystery man was.
Clark downcast his eyes. She could tell his mind was working overtime. “I haven’t seen you in a long time. I’m all the way up here. Are you sure I can’t come inside?”
Lexi glanced over her shoulder and saw that, indeed, her roommates were very curious about the man standing before her. She felt like she had been a spectacle on display for them for the past month. When she looked back up at her ex-boyfriend, her heart skipped a beat. There were so many things wrong with this reaction that she didn’t even have time to process them all. “I…I can’t let you in. I’m sorry, Clark.”
He nodded slowly. “Well, I guess this was a mistake,” he grumbled. “Have a Merry Christmas, Lexi.”
Clark turned and began to walk back down the hallway. She stepped one foot over the threshold and watched his slumped form trudge away from her. She hated that she was hurting him. Why did she always have to hurt him? The things that she had done to him within the past year should have been enough. She couldn’t let this go on. He was here for a reason, and she owed him at least some of her time.
“Who was that?” Claire called unable to control her curiosity.
“Just a friend,” Lexi told her before slamming the door behind her. “Clark,” she called tip-toeing down the hallway in her stilettos. He stopped before he reached the stairwell and turned to face her. She raced the rest of the way down the hallway. “I’m sorry. I should have let you come inside. I was just…just so surprised.”
“I guess I should have called,” he admitted, a smile playing across his features.
“Yeah, I think that would have helped.” Her face was flushed and hands trembling. She hadn’t been this nervous in someone’s presence in a long time, and she was in law school! Mostly, she didn’t know what he wanted, and that terrified her.
Did he somehow know that she was seeing Jack? Had he come for revenge? Could he have gone to the dark side?
“Why don’t we just talk here?” she gestured for him to take a seat on the cold stone step.
His eyebrows furrowed together. “If you’d prefer that. You look like you’re freezing,” he commented reaching forward to warm her arms.
She scurried back a step not allowing herself to get in contact with him. That could be bad. She had never had this issue with anyone other than Jack, but then again she had never been in a relationship with Jack…or whatever it was.
There was no need to be like this around Clark. They had their chance, and she had blown it. There was no way they could ever be together again. She didn’t want that. She had what she wanted already. With that comforting thought, she took the seat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He didn’t make a move to warm her again, but allowed her slight shoulder to brush against his own.
“Can I repeat my earlier question?” she asked glancing up at him through her black lashes. “What are you doing here?”
His strong hands fiddled with the white button on his blue, plaid, long-sleeve button-up. His arms rested on the dark designer-cut jeans where they faded at the knee. Seemingly realizing that she was observing him, he dropped his habitual buttoning and unbuttoning and met her gaze. “I’m here on vacation…” he paused.
Lexi could tell that there was more to what he wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure what it was. He seemed somehow reserved about what he wanted to tell her. She had been with him long enough to know when he was holding something back. She didn’t want to push him though. He could tell her whatever part he wanted to tell her. She hoped she could keep herself from prying. She would rather die than have him pry and find out about Jack. With his intuition, she knew it would only take a couple questions to come up with that answer.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I called your mom before I left to ask her where you were located on the NYU campus,” he admitted cringing at his own snooping abilities.
“She didn’t tell me that,” Lexi muttered angrily.
“I asked her not to tell you, because I didn’t know if I would come visit you,” he responded quickly. A curly lock fell into his eyes and he reached up and brushed it away. Strong memories of doing just that overwhelmed her. She reached up and swept her own hair behind her ears several times to try and still her thoughts. He smiled at the familiar movement. “Well, at least you haven’t changed much.”
Lexi couldn’t admit how true that sentiment was.
“Uh…so you didn’t think you’d come see me?” she asked trying to keep him on track.
“We ended…so abrupt…so wrong,” he responded sounding wounded. “And I know part of that was my fault.”
Lexi felt like she had swallowed a bag of cotton balls her mouth had gone so dry. She didn’t want to talk about their break up. Yes, they had broken up, but that had been quite some time ago. Why did he want to talk about that now? “Yes and everything else was my fault,” she murmured broken and dejected.
“Lexi,” his voice silky, “the way I treated you was completely uncalled for, and I don’t know if there is any semblance of a friendship…of more,” he whispered. “But if there is, then I want to find it.”
“Why are you saying this to me?” she cried angrily springing from her seat. “I don’t need to hear this from you, Clark.”
“Lexi, sweetie, I’m trying to apologize,” he said rising alongside her.
“And I appreciate that, but we can’t do…this,” she said, the thought sickening her. “How could you even want that after everything that we’ve been through?”
“You were always what I wanted. Don’t you see that? I was going to give you a second chance after you cheated on me for nearly a year with one of my best friends. Can’t you see that you were what I wanted? Then you threw that in my face.”
“You made me hurt him,” she whispered.
“He deserved to be hurt, and Kate stayed with him anyway. I hear they’re still together,” he told her. He took a step towards her.
She didn’t take the bait. Her brain told her that if she announced her secret then this would quickly turn into an all out shouting match. She didn’t need that. “You’ll never get over it,” she cried angrily pushing him backwards out of her face. “It’s been a year, Clark, and you’re still not over it.”
“God damnit, Lexi! I hadn’t even thought about this in such a long time, and now here we are arguing about it again.”