“All of this was for nothing?”
“No, it made me realize what I did to you. And I’m not going to do it again. So this is good-bye. I’ll try not to bother you again. I love you, Lex,” he said planting a sweet kiss on her lips.
She could barely function right now. He was leaving her after all. They weren’t going to be able to get through this. Even though she thought they would be able to work it out, they would never be given the chance. And as she watched him walk out her door, she truly knew that she would never ever hear from him again.
CHAPTER 23
PRESENT
Lexi slipped inside Ramsey’s town house carefully positioning herself where he couldn’t get a look at her back. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth wincing at the extreme tenderness. Ramsey glanced in her direction, and she instantly moved to cover her throat with her hair. No need for him to ask questions. It would really just be an unnecessary hassle. And, in either case, it wasn’t something she could explain.
She stood by the stairs and waited for him to go first. She followed behind closely ducking into the guest bedroom where he stood against the doorframe.
“I’ll get you something to sleep in,” he told her a smile playing across his features.
“Uh…thanks,” she stated awkwardly turning to face him in the doorway. She liked the smile he was sending her way. It was very…sincere. He looked as if he genuinely did not want to be any place else in the world at that moment. He would be content standing in the doorway staring into her face for eternity. He wasn’t even pressuring her to feel anything more, just to look at him. And, man, was he attractive.
Lexi’s stomach twisted at the thought. She did not want to be thinking these types of thoughts around Ramsey. He disoriented her in a completely different manner than she was used to. Jack tilted her completely off balance. She couldn’t think…she could hardly breathe around him. It was as if her orbit shifted around him.
With Ramsey she could feel a sense of equality about their movements as if the world was in the right place again. He revolved around her, and she matched his movements. It was a completely new experience. And also terribly frightening to know that she could have such a connection to someone she had just met…to someone she hadn’t even particularly liked up until tonight. She couldn’t think about that right now. Tonight, of all nights, she needed to keep her wits about her.
She stood motionless in the doorway as Ramsey fetched her clothes. She couldn’t help thinking about the events of the night and how they had unraveled.
The sex was never supposed to happen. She just wasn’t capable of controlling her actions around him. Turning Jack down was the hardest thing she ever tried to do. No matter how many times they had fucked up together, she never found it easier to break free from him. There was always Jack. Even after the crazy sex and horrible things he had said to her, she couldn’t think about giving him up. He had told her that none of it mattered, and it didn’t change anything.
How could none of it matter?
How could the sex not alter his decision in the slightest?
Lexi couldn’t wrap her mind around that concept. Sure she had been sleeping with Jack for years, but it’s not like the sex never mattered. She had held out on him for a year a half, granted they hadn’t been together the whole time. No, they had never been together. He had made that perfectly clear when he walked out that door…when he ran.
Her face darkened at the painful memory. She typically kept it under lock and key where no one could access it. But with everything that had gone on tonight, she couldn’t hold it together. Her jaw was clenched tight and her eyes had the remembered look of agony. All she wanted to do was keep from crying until Ramsey brought her something to change into.
Just then he walked around the corner and down the hall. Lexi quickly recovered hoping that her expression was as neutral as possible, but she could see that he wasn’t fooled.
“Thanks,” she muttered yanking the clothes out of his hand and slamming the door quickly.
Lexi smacked her head back against the door instantly regretting her actions. Reaching her hand back to touch her head, she found a small knot forming where it had been knocked against concrete. As if her problems weren’t enough, now every bump and bruise would remind her of Jack. Great!
She groaned as she forced her body to stand back up. Hugging her arms tightly around her body, she moved in front of the full-length mirror pinned against the wall. Lexi gently pulled down the side zipper on her now ruined dress. The silky material slid off her narrow hips and pooled at her feet. She unclasped her black, strappy, high heels and kicked them off. Her strapless bra followed. Lexi turned from side to side examining the damage. She could see little bruised indentions in her thighs where Jack’s hands had held her up. Her lip was turning a slight shade of purple, but her neck wasn’t quite as bad as she had anticipated. Her back was scratched, but not red and puffy like before. In the dim lighting, the rest of her body looked nearly normal.
This allowed a small smile to cross her face. Their indiscretions wouldn’t be as noticeable as she thought. Her aches were at a minimum, and she would be as fit as ever in a couple days.
The smile dropped off her face and the tears began to well in her eyes. She allowed them to flow freely down her cheeks, cursing herself for feeling the emotions she was encountering.
This might be her last reminder of Jack.
He had said that he still needed time to think, but didn’t she, of all people, know better? Jack didn’t think. He acted. He did exactly what he wanted when he wanted to, and since he had done that with her, he had received everything he had endeavored towards.
She collapsed, naked, in a heap to the floor. Her hair cascaded around her face. She felt something wet on her knees and she realized, suddenly, that it was tears. Lexi swiped at her eyes. She glanced up into the mirror and recognized the trail of black flowing down her cheeks. She vigorously scrubbed the mascara tears away leaving her cheeks raw and splotchy.
Her head tilted to the side as she stared onwards at her reflection. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear once out of habit. The movement reassured her, and she did it again until the curly strands were maintained neatly behind her ears. It was the least she could do to keep from crying again.
This was the last time she ever wanted to cry for Jack Howard.
Her head snapped to the side at the sound of the door creaking open. Ramsey stood silhouetted in the doorway in nothing but a snug pair of maroon boxer briefs. For a second as she stared at him, she lost all thought of being naked sitting on the floor. He looked so delectable. She had never seen him with his shirt off, and damn was her first impression right. He certainly had to have a personal trainer.
“Oh, sorry,” he said his eyes sliding down her near naked form. She could tell he wasn’t sorry, and she was too broken and dazed to say otherwise.
“Did you need something?” she asked, her voice cracking with the effort to keep from crying.
“I was coming to check on you.”
For once, he kept his distance. Lexi let her head drop wishing she could erase this entire night. She had been stupid to think that she could be a part of Jack’s life. And in that moment, she felt more used than she ever had in her life. Even if that hadn’t been Jack’s original intention, after he left her standing there bruised and broken, she couldn’t help but feel that he had used her. And she wasn’t even sure what had fueled such anger from him. The sex was amazing, but there was an undertone of hostility in his movements. Not to mention his abrupt goodbye. When he said that it didn’t change things, she was really more afraid that he meant it.