Malek came out on the front steps, and I knew it was time to stop reminiscing.
“How is she?” I stepped up onto the porch.
“She’s weak, but she’s awake. She’s waitin’ for you.” He held open the door and I entered the living room. “You got here fast. No problem getting off work?”
“Nah. I just told them it was a family emergency. Travis was the problem. I had to get him to leave work a little early to get the kids.”
“You told him you were coming here?” Malek shot me a look of surprise, and maybe even a little smile. But he had no reason to get all hopeful. Did he really think after all I’d said to him at my job that I would take that kind of risk?
I had actually thought about telling Travis the truth, that I was going to visit Nana. But that would probably start a war in my house that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. After Malek left our house Christmas Day, Travis was not exactly happy with me. Sure, he realized I didn’t have anything to do with Malek stopping by, but it was my fault that he had our and-dress. So I guess he felt I should take part of the responsibility. He reminded me that if I had never been involved with a thug like Malek, that situation would have never happened. I knew his pride was a little hurt that Big Momma stopped him before he beat the shit out of Malek the way he wanted to, so I just nodded and kept my mouth shut I didn’t need no more confrontations on Christmas Day. I did remind him later, though, that if I had never messed with Malek, then we wouldn’t have Maleka right now, would we? He couldn’t deny me that truth, but he did make sure to tell me he better not catch that shady brother anywhere near me or Maleka ever again.
“No, I didn’t tell him. If I did, we’d both be dead right about now.” I walked past Malek. “Where’s Nana at?”
“In her room. First door on the right.” He pointed down the hall.
“I know where it is.” I rolled my eyes. “I used to live here, remember?”
“How could I forget?” He grinned. Guess he was taking his own little trip down memory lane. “I’ll be out here in the living room if you need me.”
“Okay,” I whispered. All of a sudden I was so nervous. I knew Nana had always had health problems, but I was afraid to see what cancer had done to her. She’d always been such a vibrant woman, and I wasn’t sure I was prepared to see her weakened. I peeked my head into her room and called out her name softly. “Nana?”
“You gotta get up close to her, girl.” A voice came from across the room.
“Oh, hey, Miss Janet” I hadn’t expected to see Malek’s mom sitting there. Last time I’d seen her, she’d been about forty pounds thinner, strung out on crack. Looked like Malek was telling the truth when he said she’d cleaned herself up. Good for her. At least that meant someone was there for Nana now. Maybe later I’d spend some time with Miss Janet, but for now I had to do what I came to do.
“Nana?” I called a little louder as I stepped closer to the bed. Nana lifted her head with a faint smile. Poor Nana. She looked like only half of her former self. Her face was all sunk in around her cheekbones, and her nightgown looked big enough to fit two more people in it.
“Stephanie? Is that you?” Her voice was raspy but recognizable.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s me.” I took her hand, trying not to shudder at how bony it had become.
“How’s my great-grandbaby?”
“She’s fine,” I smiled, hoping to mask the feelings of guilt that were overwhelming me. “She’s at school right now.”
“She must be getting big. Malek told me how pretty she is”
“Yes, ma’am. She sure is.” Dear old Nana. It looked like she wasn’t even going to ask why I hadn’t been around with Maleka I always knew Nana had a heart of gold.
“Malek said she has his nose.”
“Yeah, that and more. She looks just like him.” Nana’s faint smile was now a wide grin. “I’ll bring you some pictures next time I come, Nana.” Nana placed her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes for a few minutes. I just sat quietly and watched her labored breathing, wishing I could ease her suffering somehow.
“Stephanie, you seen Malek today?” Nana asked after a while.
“Yes, ma’am. He’s the one who told me you were sick”
“I’m not sick, baby. I’m dying.” She said it with such certainty.
“No, you’re not. You’re not dying.” I waved my hand and tried to sound lighthearted.
“Yes, I am. But that’s okay. I had a good life and it’s time to go home.” She gave me that faint smile again and took another short rest. “Stephanie? I want you to do me a favor.” She stared up at the ceiling as she spoke to me.
“Sure, Nana. What do you want?” I sat up a little, expecting her to ask me to get her a glass of water or something. I was not prepared for her actual request.
“I want you to spend some time with Malek.” She turned her head to look at me, her eyes suddenly more alert than they’d been. “He’s not taking all this very well, and you’re the only one I know who could ever keep a smile on his face. So can you do that for me, baby? Can you spend a little time with him?”
I just stared at her. She couldn’t possibly know all that she was asking. I hated to disappoint her, especially since I was already feeling guilty enough, but I didn’t think I could take the risk involved with her request. Now I just hoped she’d understand.
“I don’t think I can do that, Nana. There’s still a lot of bad blood between me and Malek. He walked out on me with a two-month-old baby and I still haven’t been able to forgive that”
“I know, baby, but that was a long time ago. Life is too short to hold on to hurts from the past,” she chided gently. Her words rang true as I realized how easily she’d forgiven me for keeping Maleka away from her. “All I’m asking is that you spend a little time with him. You may find he’s grown up a little more than you think.”
“I have a fiancé now, Nana. I don’t think he’d appreciate me spending time alone with Malek.” I was trying to come up with every possible argument not to be around Malek. It wasn’t just that I was afraid of Travis finding out. I was a little afraid of myself. As bad as he’d treated me, I couldn’t deny that some small part of me was still drawn to Malek. After all, we had a history together.
“I’m not asking you to get back with him, child. Just spend some time with him. Tell him about his daughter. Go out to the movies” She coughed weakly. “Just take his mind off my cancer. Can you do that for an old, dying woman?”
Shoot. Now she was laying on the guilt. In the back of my mind, I wondered if Nana and Malek hadn’t planned this all along. I don’t mean to say she wasn’t sick. Just that she seemed to regain a little of her strength when she talked about me and Malek. And she was sure working pretty hard to convince me. But whether it was planned or not, she was right I couldn’t deny her dying wish. Nana had been good to me, and it was time to repay her.
I exhaled loudly with a nod. “Yes, ma’am I can do it. I just hope my boyfriend will understand.”
“If he doesn’t understand that you’re granting a dying old woman her last request, then maybe you need to rethink your engagement.” She was awfully feisty all of a sudden.
“I don’t know about all that. But I’ll find a way to make him understand.” At least I hoped I would.
“Then it’s settled. You’ll do it?”
“Yes ma’am. I’ll do it.”
“Good,” Nana smiled and closed her eyes. Her face looked much more peaceful now as she rested. Either she was glad her grandson would have some comfort, or she was proud of the game she had just worked on me. I sat and watched her rest, wondering just how I was gonna grant her request with the least complication. I’d just have to give it to Malek straight and let him know this was a favor for Nana, nothing more. I knew I was playing with fire spending any kind of time with him. I just wanted the flame to be as small as possible.