“I don’t want you to see me like that,” he says, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “I don’t want you to know that part of me.” I take four steps until I’m standing so close to him, we’re almost touching, but not quite.
“I want to know all the parts of you, Sylas. I love them already. We both have darkness in our lives. We’re not like regular people, and that’s something we’re going to have to deal with. It’s going to take work, you and me. But if you’ll take me as I come, I’ll do the same for you.” I reach up and stroke the side of his face. He hasn’t shaved again, and I wonder if it’s because he knows I like it that way.
One single tear rolls down his cheek and I brush it away with my hand.
“Don’t hide from me,” I say.
“I have to go, Saige. I have to go.” He closes his eyes and backs up, reaching for the bag.
“I’m not going to beg you to stay. But know that you’re hurting me right now, Sylas. Not because you’re going, but because you lied to me.” Without a word, he puts the strap of the bag on his shoulder and walks out of the room.
I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to chase after him. He’s made his choice and he’s going to have to live with it. I ignore the few tears that slip down my face and I flinch when the door closes. Leo climbs out from under the bed, as if he was hiding from the tension. He rubs against my legs and looks up at me with a mournful meow.
“I know,” I say and walk into the kitchen to get him some food.
It’s good that I have so much studying to do, because it gives me an activity other than wallowing in bed with ice cream and too many romantic movies. I briefly consider calling Lo and telling her Sylas has left me, but it would be too much work to come up with a good story. She’s bound to ask a lot of questions and I don’t have the energy or desire to lie.
Sylas sends me one text that he’s on a plane and he’ll let me know when he lands. I send back two letters “o” and “k.”
I wonder what he’s thinking about. If he’s conflicted at all. If he misses me. He’s barely been gone for a few hours and the apartment is too quiet. Too empty. Leo won’t leave me alone, and I think it’s because he knows. I’ve never really been a cat person, but he’s growing on me.
I’m knee-deep in writing a paper when my phone rings and I nearly fall out of my chair trying to grab and answer it.
“Hello?”
“Saige Beaumont,” Cash says, his normal chipper self. I wonder if he’s ever sad. If he’s ever not so upbeat.
“What do you want?” My fuse is beyond short tonight.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m with him. We just arrived in Texas and he’s just getting a rental car.” So he took Cash with him, but not me. Cash, who hid the fact his father is alive from him.
“Okay,” I say.
“I wanted to tell him, but I knew that if I did, this is where we’d end up. I’m not going to talk him out of it, because I’d rather not end up in the hospital. I might be stronger than he is, but he fights dirtier. And I know where his head is at. I understand it.”
Cash’s story is a sad one, even more tragic than Sylas’.
“He promised me he wouldn’t go without me. And then broke that promise a few hours later.” I know I sound like a jealous girlfriend, but I don’t care. I’m pissed at him for lying to me. For making me think I could trust him.
“I’m sorry, Saige, but you know why he has to do this, right? He thinks he can’t move on with you until he gets this part of his past behind him.”
“I know, I know,” I say, and I’m fighting a losing battle.
“Okay, he’s coming back so I’m going to go. I’ll keep you updated.” The call ends before I can say anything else.
I look down at my phone and I want to smash it on the floor. But then I’d still be pissed and I’d have a broken phone.
I lay my head down on top of my laptop. I want to sleep. I want to sleep for a week. I give myself one moment of wallowing before I sit up and go back to my paper.
Four cups of coffee and several thousand words later, I’m done with my paper. I move on to my study guides and check the clock. It’s nearly three in the morning. I might as well stay up all night at this rate. The caffeine in my system isn’t going to let me sleep, anyway. I power through and just before it’s time for me to get up, I get another text from Sylas.
Miss you.
That’s it? That’s all I get?
Are you safe? I send back.
Yes. Will call you later.
I let out a scream and Leo bolts through the house. I set my phone down and go to take a shower to get myself ready for the day.
I could follow him. I could book a plane ticket right now and leave. I could send my professors emails and say I have a family emergency and go to him. I could.
Chewing on my lip, I turn on the hot water as Leo comes into the bathroom to sit on the sink to watch. I thought cats hated water, but he’s obsessed with the shower.
So distracted, I realize I’ve put my body wash on my hair instead of conditioner. I rinse it out and try to get my shit together. I’m going to have to rush to get to campus, but there’s nothing I can do about it now, although that caffeine drip would really be a blessing right now.
There are no messages from Sylas on my phone, and I’m going with the statement that “no news is good news.”
I arrive on campus with still-wet hair and a gloomy mood. I struggle through my classwork and end up falling asleep on my desk in both my afternoon classes. Fortunately I’m not the only one, what with everyone pulling all-nighters studying. My professors take it with a grain of salt and I mumble apologies.
Still no word from Sylas when I get home and I’m about ready to lose my mind. I fire up my laptop and start looking at plane tickets. Just to see. They’re not cheap, but there’s a flight leaving in three hours. I could totally make it if I drove to the airport now.
Leo hops up on my lap and meows, rubbing his head against my chest.
“I know, I know. I wish I were a cat. Life would be so much easier. I’d only have to worry about food and water and sleeping sixteen hours a day.” He blinks sleepily up at me.
“What should I do?” He starts kneading my skin and I yelp.
My phone goes off and I grab it.
“Hello? Sylas?”
“Saige?” It’s Cash and he’s sounding… panicked. I’ve never heard Cash so panicked, so it must be bad.
“What’s wrong?” A million and one things tumble through my brain, including the possibility that Sylas is dead. He can’t be dead, he can’t be dead, he can’t be dead. A wave of nausea overtakes me.
“He’s not doing very well.” He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive. My Sylas is alive.
“What the fuck does that mean, Cash?” I nearly scream. My hands are shaking so badly I can barely hold the phone up to my ear. It’s a good thing I’m sitting down.
“He’s catatonic. I can’t get him to move or speak. He’s completely withdrawn and short of taking him to a hospital, which might cause them to lock him up in a psych ward, I don’t know what to do.”
“Can you put me on speaker?” I say.
“Sure. Okay, go ahead.”
“Sylas?” I say, hoping my voice can do something. “Sylas, are you listening to me?” I hear what sounds like a whimpering.
“It’s Saige, Sylas. She’s on the phone,” Cash says.
“Sylas?” I say.
“He’s not doing anything. I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get him on a plane like this.” Fuck.
“Where are you?” I ask and he gives me the name of a hotel in Dallas. I quickly type it into my laptop and figure out how far it is from the airport. Only fifteen minutes. The earliest I could get there would be two in the morning. Ideally, I’d get there, help Sylas, get him on a plane and be back in time for class tomorrow.