“I want to apologize for yesterday. I think we both got a little too heated and I’m sorry for talking to you that way.” It’s a start.
“Thank you for the apology, but I’m not going to give you one. You know I’m right.” He puts his arms on his knees and leans forward. He looks… old. I always think of him as this eternal being who will live forever, but that’s just not the case.
“I can understand where you’re coming from, Saige, but a decision like this can’t be made in the blink of an eye. I have projects in the works, things that need to be done.” I don’t give a shit.
“When I was growing up, I always thought of you like Batman, with less gadgets, of course. You were catching bad guys and fighting the good fight. That’s not to say you weren’t, but you were also doing things that benefited you. Look at the house. Look at all the money you have. It didn’t just come from nowhere. And I know you’ve killed people. Innocent people to get what you thought you needed. Your hands aren’t clean. Your motives aren’t all pure.”
He doesn’t interrupt or contradict me.
“I won’t lie to you. I have done bad things. I’ve hurt people. But it was all in service of the greater good. The benefit of the many as opposed to the few. The choices I’ve mad haven’t been easy and I didn’t make them lightly. I relive those moments every night. They haunt me. I’m not happy about the things I’ve done, Saige, but I can’t undo them. My past has a body count, and I’d be a liar if I said there wouldn’t be any more. There will be.” I feel like he’s being truly honest with me for the first time in my life.
“But those are your choices. You can’t force someone else to make the choices you’ve made. That’s my point. Everyone deserves to have the freedom to make their choices. Everyone. Sylas, me, the rest of his team. They’re good guys, Dad. They really are.” I know their hands aren’t clean either, but none of our hands are. We’re all dirty.
“I love you, but I don’t want your life. I want my own life, whatever that looks like.” He looks down at his hands.
“It’s not that simple, Saige.” He keeps just saying the same thing over and over.
“I’m done talking about this, if that’s what you’re going to say.” I get up and go to the kitchen for a cool glass of water. I’m all fired up again.
“You’re young still, Saige. So young,” he says, getting up and following me.
“That’s such bullshit, Dad, and you know it.” I pull a glass down and go to the fridge to get some ice and then fill the glass with water. “I don’t care about your justification and I don’t want to talk about this anymore. The end.” I go back into the living room and he follows me once again.
“Where’s Sylas today?” he asks.
“Are you serious? You’re trying to be my dad now?”
He grimaces and then rubs his face.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Saige. I just want things to go back to the way they were.” I slam my glass of water down on the coffee table so hard I think it’s going to break, but it doesn’t.
“We can’t! We can only go forward. Fucking hell, I can’t deal with this anymore.” I want to run away from him like a kid throwing a tantrum, but this is my apartment and I’m a grown-ass woman.
“I’m not going to lose everything I’ve worked for,” he says calmly and that pisses me off more.
“Then I don’t think I can be your daughter anymore. I’m done.” I walk to the door and hold it open.
“Saige,” he says, pleading.
“No. Get out. Get out of my house.” I motion with my arm and I’m so upset, I’m shaking.
“I wish things could be different,” he says as he gets up. I expect him to beg, to tell me that he’s changed his mind, but that’s not what he does. He gets up and walks out.
I close the door behind him and fall to the floor. Of all the things I ever thought would happen, I never thought I would lose him. The man I used to love more than anything.
But he doesn’t love me more than anything. He loves his work and that’s what hurts the most.
Twenty-Three
Sylas finds me on the floor. I’ve been trying to get up for hours, but it’s not working. I did move to a sitting position, but I just can’t get up.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling me up. “What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” Because my phone was on the coffee table and I couldn’t make it that far. I actually fell asleep on the floor and slept for a while in the fetal position.
“Dad was here,” I say. Even my voice hurts.
“What did he say?” He picks me up in his arms and carries me to the couch, cradling me like a child. I feel like a child right now. A scared little child that just lost her daddy.
“He picked the job and I said I didn’t want him in my life anymore. And he left.” My voice sounds like it belongs to someone else. Someone who isn’t me. I don’t understand what my life is anymore. How in the hell did I get here?
“Oh, Saige, I’m so sorry. I never thought he would do something like that to you. I can’t believe it.” Me neither.
“It hurts so much, Sylas,” I say. I can’t even stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
“Shhh, you don’t have to talk about it right now.” I let myself hold onto him as he tells me about his day with Lizzy and strokes my hair.
“How about we take a bath?” he asks and I nod. He carries me into the bathroom and sits me on the toilet while he draws a bath and pours in some bubbles. When the bath is full, he helps me get undressed. I think he’s going to leave me in the tub by myself, but then he strips and joins me, moving so I’m lying against his chest.
“Just relax and think about something nice.” I close my eyes and think of that night when Sylas and I walked along the beach. I was so enthralled with him. I think that was one of the first times when I knew that I loved him.
“That’s my girl,” he says and his voice rumbles against my back. The water swirls as he strokes my arm up and down. The bubble bath smells like roses and I feel myself getting drowsy.
Sylas starts humming and I know exactly what song it is. “Take Me to Church” again. I definitely think that it’s our song now. Odd song for a couple, but we’re not the traditional couple.
He finishes the song and I feel him messing with my hair.
“Are you braiding my hair?” I ask, opening my eyes and looking over my shoulder at him.
“Maybe. I learned how to do Lizzy’s. My mother always did it and I had to learn after she was gone. I used to cut her hair for her as well. I learned how to do a lot of things.” I look and he has braided my hair. Very well.
“I should enlist you to help me get ready in the morning. Why have you been hiding this skill from me for this long?” I say.
“I don’t know. I guess I just don’t think about it.” He lays the finished braid over my shoulder. The ends float in the water, swirling around.
“Do you want to move in with me?” I say and he just starts laughing.
“Aren’t we already living together? Isn’t that what this is?” Technically, yes.
“We are, but I want to make it official. And I know you still have things at your other place. We don’t have to live here. We could get a place together.” I hadn’t thought of that before. I really like my apartment, but it’s not really a couple’s apartment. There’s no space for Sylas to put any of his things, not that he’s asked.
He puts his hand under my chin and turns my head. I move around so I’m facing him, propping myself up on his stomach.
“You want to move?” he asks.
“Not really, but this is my apartment, not ours.” He studies my face.
“It’s okay. I don’t have that much stuff.”
“What about your coffee table? And the pictures of your mother?” He stiffens.