Lauren laughed, taking another sip of wine.
“So, whatever it is, it must be pretty bad if you’re drinking alone.”
Lauren shrugged. “Well then go get a glass and make me a little less pathetic.”
He smiled down at her sympathetically, and then he turned and made his way into the kitchen. She heard him opening cabinets until he found the right one, and then he walked back into the living room and sat on the floor next to her with his back up against the couch.
Lauren leaned over and grabbed the bottle, pouring some into his glass. For a minute, they just sat next to each other in silence.
Then Lauren said, “This is oddly familiar. Only it used to be whiskey.”
Michael smiled. “And it used to be straight out of the bottle. We’ve classed it up a bit, apparently.”
Lauren laughed. “And it used to be you that was being consoled.”
“Yeah, well. That’s because I was always the fuck-up.”
“No, it was because you always dated whores.”
Michael smiled half-heartedly, looking down at his glass. “Not all of them were.”
She turned her head to look at him, realizing how offensive that last comment must have been. One of those women had been the mother of his child.
“Will you tell me about Erin’s mom?” she asked softly.
Michael licked his lips, his eyes still on his glass. “There’s not that much to tell. Her name’s Samantha. I met her at a party. She was a friend of a friend and we just…clicked,” he said, lifting his glass and taking a long sip.
When he didn’t continue, Lauren said, “So what happened?”
He turned toward her with his brow quirked. “Aren’t we supposed to be talking about you?”
When Lauren just looked at him expectantly, he sighed.
“We were dating for about six months before she got pregnant. She was twenty-one at the time, and she didn’t want to keep it.” Michael raked his teeth over his bottom lip before he said, “But I convinced her to. I didn’t ne@, and she "> shouldered something else to regret. I was twenty-four years old. Definitely old enough to face the consequences of my actions instead of taking the easy way out.”
Lauren kept her eyes on him as she took another sip of her wine.
“Obviously, she agreed to keep the baby,” he said, playing with the stem of his glass. “But that was the beginning of the end for us. I think she resented me for convincing her.”
He took another long sip before he said, “A few months later, she tells me that she’s getting back with her ex. I guess they’d rekindled their relationship while ours was going down the shitter.”
Lauren frowned, and Michael looked over at her.
“He didn’t want another man’s baby. Of course he didn’t,” he said with a hollow laugh. “I know all too well how that story ends.”
Lauren dropped her eyes, chewing on the inside of her lip.
“She tried to get an abortion, but no doctor would do it that far along in her pregnancy. So she had the baby, and she gave her to me. Signed over her rights in the hospital.”
Then he tilted his head back, draining the last of his wine before he reached for the bottle and filled his glass again.
Lauren stared at him, her throat suddenly feeling tight. She pictured him at twenty-four years old, coming home with a newborn, completely alone. No wife, no girlfriend, not even his mother to turn to for guidance. Going strictly by doctors’ advice and parenting books.
Her heart felt like it was breaking in her chest.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she felt it harden.
“Did you love her?”
Michael looked up at her. “Samantha?”
Lauren nodded.
He sighed. “Yeah. In my own way, I did. Or at least I thought I did. But after she left Erin, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
Lauren pursed her lips, nodding slowly as she looked down. He loved Samantha. He gave himself to girls like that all the time.
But he’d walked away from her.
And suddenly, it was as raw as if it had happened yesterday.
Without warning, everything she’d been bottling for years came rushing to the surface.
She was furious.
Furious that she couldn’t have a real relationship because of him. Furious that she’d gotten in a fight with her best friend because of him. Furious that Jenn was right, that she probably just ruined another good thing because of her goddamn feelings for him.
And it wasn’t about closure. It wasn’t about answers. It wasn’t about getting her friend back.
It was about finally getting to stand up for herself, after all this time.
“You loved her,” she said. “She was a shitty person, and you loved her.”
He kept his eyes straight ahead, but Lauren watched his shoulders rise as he inhaled a deep breath.
“You did it over and over,” she said with paper-thin restraint. “Gave your heart to these worthless girls.” She took a breath before she said the words she’d been waiting almost nine years to say. “So what was wrong with me?”
Michael closed his eyes and dropped his head, nodding slowly. “You know, for the past few months, I’ve been going back and forth between wishing we could just have this conversation a@, and she "> shouldernd praying we never would.”
“What was wrong with me, Michael? Why did you walk away from me like that?”
She watched him put his glass of wine on the floor before pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubbing roughly.
“Tell me why.”
He slid his hands down his face. “We were friends, Lauren—”
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit,” she snapped, cutting him off. He turned his head and looked up at her, startled. “We’re both adults now. You knew it was more than friendship for me. You knew I was in love with you. Anyone with eyes could see that I was.”
He looked away from her, and she could feel herself losing the hold on what little composure she had as she pushed off the floor and stood over him.
“That last day? When we were together?” she said, her voice shaking. “It was more than friendship for you too then. Even if it was just for that moment. Don’t even try to tell me it wasn’t.”
She saw a tiny muscle flex in the side of his jaw, but he still wouldn’t look at her.
“How could you just walk away like that?” she demanded. “After everything we were to each other? Why would you do that to me?”
She thought of them together in that bed. Her first time.
“I mean, was I that bad?”
“No,” he answered firmly before she’d even finished the question, whipping his head up to look at her. “Stop it. Don’t go there.”
She threw her hands in the air. “Well then give me an answer!” she shouted. “I deserve to know why you abandoned me!”
“Don’t you get it?” he said, jumping up to face her. “Don’t you get that it wasn’t about you?”
Lauren shook her head in disbelief. “Don’t give me that. I know you’ve been hurt. I know you’ve lost people in your life. But if you’re gonna stand here and tell me this was about your fear of that happening again, that’s complete bullshit,” she spat. “It’s not fair that you applied that fear to me. I never gave you a reason to.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t psychoanalyze me,” he said with disgust. “You think I’m gonna say it was all subconscious? That it was me trying to protect myself because I was afraid to love someone and have them leave me again? This wasn’t some subliminal self-preservation crap. It was intentional. I wanted you out of my life!”
Lauren swooped down and grabbed her wine glass as she pushed past him. “Well, you got what you wanted Michael, so now I wish you’d just leave me the hell alone!”
She stormed into the kitchen and slammed the glass down in the sink, causing it to shatter. Before she could even check to see if she’d cut herself, she felt him grip her arm and spin her back around.