RODERICK
(roaring)
I'm a man, and will prove it.
CAPTAIN BEST
You are perfectly welcome, miss, as many yards as you like.
DOROTHY
Monster! Your father was a tailor, and you are always thinking of the shop. But I'll have my revenge, I will! Roddy, will you see me insulted?
RODERICK
Indeed, Miss Dorothy, I intend to have his blood as sure as my name's Roderick.
CAPTAIN BEST
I'll send for the usher to cane you, little boy, but as for you, miss, I have the honor to wish you a good day.
Best takes off his hat with much ceremony, and makes a low bow, and is just walking off, when Michael, Roderick's cousin, comes up, whose ear has likewise been caught by the scream.
MICHAEL
Hoity-toity! John Best, what's the matter here?
CAPTAIN BEST
I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dugan. I have had enough of Miss Dugan here and your Irish ways. I ain't used to 'em, sir.
MICHAEL
(good-humoredly)
Well, well! What is it? We'll make you used to our ways, or adopt English ones.
CAPTAIN BEST
It's not the English way, for ladies to have two lovers, and, so, Mr. Dugan, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you owe me, and I resign all claims to this young lady. If she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take 'em, sir.
MICHAEL
Pooh! Pooh! Best, you are joking.
CAPTAIN BEST
I never was more in earnest. Best exits.
MICHAEL
(in a towering rage)
You -- you! Hang you for a meddling brat, your hand is in everybody's pie. What business had you to come brawling and quarreling here, with a gentleman who has fifteen hundred a-year?
Michael runs after Best.
DOROTHY
(gasps)
Oh, I shall die; I know I shall. I shall never leave this spot.
CAPTAIN GROGAN
(whisper to Dorothy)
The Captain is gone.
Dorothy, giving him an indignant look, jumps up and walks towards the house.
CAPTAIN GROGAN
(in a soothing tone to Roderick)
This is a pretty way to recommend yourself to the family.
RODERICK
(shouts after Michael)
The man that marries Dorothy Dugan must first kill me -- do you mind that?
MICHAEL
(shouting back from a distance)
Pooh, sir. Kill you -- flog you, you mean! I'll send for Nick the huntsman to do it.
CAPTAIN GROGAN
You are a gallant lad, and I like your spirit. But what Dugan says is true. It's a hard thing to give a lad counsel who is in such a far-gone state as you; but, believe me, I know the world, and if you will but follow my advice, you won't regret having taken it. Dorothy Dugan has not a penny; you are not a whit richer. And, my poor boy, don't you see -- though it's a hard matter to see -- that she's a flirt, and does not care a pin for you or Best either?
RODERICK
Dorothy might love me or not, as she likes, but Best will have to fight me before he marries her!
CAPTAIN GROGAN
Faith, I think you are a lad that's likely to keep your word.
He looks hard at Roderick for a second to two, then he walks away, humming a tune, looking back at Roderick as he goes through the old gate out of the garden.
When Grogan is gone, Roderick is quite alone, and he flings himself down on the bench where Dorothy had made believe to faint, and had left her handkerchief and the ribbons and, taking them up, hides his face in them, and bursts into a passion of tears.
RODERICK (V.O.)
I must have sat for some hours bemoaning myself on the garden-bench, for the dinner-bell clanged as usual at three o'clock, which wakened me from my reverie.
As Roderick passes the courtyard, he sees the Captain's saddle still hanging up at the stable-door, and his odious red-coated brute of a servant, swaggering with the scullion-girls and kitchen people.
MAID
The Englishman's still there, Master Roderick. He's there in the parlor. Go in, and don't let 'im browbeat you, Master Roderick.
Roderick enters and takes his place at the bottom of the big table; the butler speedily brings him a cover.
UNCLE
Hello, Roddy, my boy! Up and well? That's right.
AUNT
He'd better be home with his mother.
UNCLE
Don't mind her. It's the cold goose she ate for breakfast -- didn't agree with her. Take a glass of spirits, Mrs. Dugan, to Roderick's health.
It is evident that his uncle doesn't know of what happened, but Michael, who is at dinner too, and Harry, and almost all the girls, look exceedingly black and the captain foolish; and Miss Dorothy, who is again by his side, ready to cry. Captain Grogan sits smiling, and Roderick looks on as cold as stone.
His uncle is in high good-humor.
UNCLE
Dorothy, divide that merry thought with the captain! See who'll be married first. Jack Best, my dear boy, never mind a clean glass for the claret, we're short of crystal at Castle Dugan; take Dorothy's and the wine will taste none the worse. Mrs. Dugan and ladies, if you please; this is a sort of toast that is drunk a great deal too seldom in my family, and you'll please to receive it with all the honors. Here's to Captain and Mrs. John Best, and long life to them. Kiss her, Jack, you rogue; for faith, you've got a treasure.
RODERICK
(spring up)
His already?!
HARRY
Hold your tongue, you fool -- hold your tongue!
RODERICK
(shouting)
He has already been slapped in the face this morning, Captain John Best; he's already been called a coward, Captain John Best; and this is the way I'll drink his health. Here's your health, Captain John Best.
Roderick flings a glass of claret into his face. The next moment, he is under the table, tripped up by Harry, who hits him a violent cuff on the head; as he goes down, he hardly has time to hear the general screaming and scurrying that is taking place above him, being so fully occupied with kicks, and thumps and curses, with which Harry is belaboring him.
HARRY
You fool! You great blundering marplot -- you silly beggarly brat (a thump at each) Hold your tongue!
When Roderick gets up from under the table, the ladies are all gone; but he has the satisfaction of seeing the captain's nose is bleeding, as his is -- Best is cut across the bridge, and his beauty spoiled forever.
UNCLE
In Heaven's name, what does all the row mean? Is the boy in fever again?
HARRY
(turning to his father)
The fact is, sir, that the young monkey has fallen in love with Dorothy, and finding her and the captain mighty sweet in the garden today, he was for murdering Jack Best.
CAPTAIN BEST
(bristling up)
And, I'll tell you what, Mr. Dugan, I've been insulted grossly in this house. I ain't at all satisfied with these here ways of going on. I'm an Englishman, I am, and a man of property; and I -- I -