All I can do is watch and feel my heart crumble when she closes the door.
Chapter 8
Chris
Present
I hate her more than I hate myself for what I did to Emily.
“Oh, wow …” Sam says, biting her lip.
“Chris … really? You had to bring that up again?”
“Hey, I think she had a right to know, okay?” I say, taking another sip from my coffee.
“But your mother was in the house when I came to that dinner with you. They were together … or not ‘together’ together?”
“Oh, they were together, yes,” Leo says, looking my way with a stern face. “It’s complicated.”
“So your father knew about all of it?” Sam asks.
I reply quickly before Leo has time to intervene because he already has his mouth open. “Oh yes, he did, but he decided to turn a blind eye to it.”
“Oh, man … I can’t imagine. That must have been really hard on him,” she says, biting her lip.
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
Leo frowns. “Let’s not go there, please.”
“Let’s just say that our father isn’t really in touch with his feelings,” I say.
“Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them,” Leo interjects.
“I don’t know. That’s just what I think, all right? I’m talking from my own experience.”
“All right,” Leo says. “Well, that was my experience. Father just found it hard to cope, so he never spoke about it, but he still felt it, deep down. I’m sure. I could tell from the way he looked at me and sighed. Not his normal sigh but more of a careless, wistful sigh.”
I shake my head while muffling a laugh. “Whatever.”
“I’m serious,” Leo insists. “He was hurting.”
“Well, then I guess that only makes what she did worse, doesn’t it?”
“Wow, I feel some tension around here,” Sam jokes, waving with her hands.
I shrug. “A lot of time has passed between then and now. They split up then they got back together again. I guess my father forgave her. The end.”
“But you didn’t forgive her,” Sam says.
“Nope. Still hate her.”
“Chris …” Leo cautions.
“What?” I lean back in my chair.
“Please don’t ruin this.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever. If you wanna pretend our family is perfect just so you can ease her into it, then be my guest.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Sam says.
“Maybe,” I say. “That depends on how well you get to know her.” I take another sip. “I suggest you keep some distance to protect your heart. She stomped on mine, that’s for sure.”
“Chris, can you please just shut up?” Leo says.
“Fine.” I sigh and look away, but then I notice the door to the coffee shop opening and my mother stepping in. Oh, fuck. Here we go.
“Mother,” Leo says. “You’re here.”
“Hello,” she says, walking over to us to give us a petty hug and fake smile. She kisses Sam on the cheeks. “Sam, you look so puffy,” she says, grabbing her cheeks. “Don’t eat too much of those muffins they serve here. They’re bad for your blood sugar, too.”
“Um, thanks for the tip, I guess.” Sam smiles awkwardly.
My mother sits down beside me, so I scoot over a bit, which makes everyone look at me as if I’m the devil.
“What?” I exclaim, feigning ignorance.
They quietly stare at me before returning their attention to each other. Good. I prefer not to be involved in any of this. Instead, I focus on that last drop of coffee that tastes so goddamn bitter.
“Mother, we actually have something to tell you,” Leo suddenly says between their light conversation. I wonder what’s up, so I look at them and see Sam anxiously twiddling her thumbs. Oh fuck, something’s up. Raising my eyebrow at her only makes her more twitchy, and a smile grows on my face.
“Oh …” I muse, grinning. “Is this what I think it is?”
“What?” Tricia says, looking back and forth between my brother and me.
Leo puts his arm around Sam as they huddle together, and then he places one hand on her belly. “We’re expecting.”
My mother’s jaw drops open, and my eyes widen. No wonder he wanted everyone to meet here.
“You’re pregnant?” my mother utters.
Sam nods with a big smile on her face.
“Yep,” Leo says.
My mother squeals, and then she jumps up to hug Sam.
I’m still a bit fazed. When he said he had something to say, I knew this was coming, but I still can’t believe my ears. My brother is becoming a father? Holy shit.
“Jesus,” I say, laughing a bit. “No wonder you wanted us to come here. This explains everything.” I get up and give my brother a bro hug. “Congratulations, brother. Or should I say … daddy?” I wink.
He smiles. “Don’t be ridiculous, but you sure did push me to say it earlier or things would’ve exploded before I got the chance.”
“Sorry,” I say. “You know how good I am with family get-togethers.”
He nods. “That I do.”
I give Sam a hug, too. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you,” she says.
“Why didn’t you invite Adrian and your father?” my mother suddenly says. Of course, she has to go and play mediator again, thinking Leo would leave them out when hearing the good news.
“I already accidentally spilled the news to them this morning, hehe.” Leo blushes a little bit. “I tried to keep it together, but it kind of just slipped out.”
“Yep …” Sam huffs.
“Oops.” I laugh.
“Right. But you know now, and so do you.” Leo looks at Tricia again, probably seeking her approval. She’s always so quick to judge.
“Well, I’m happy that you’re expecting a tiny King now. I can’t wait to hear if it’s a girl or a boy.”
Our mom hugs Sam again, and she can’t seem to let go. I’ve never seen her this happy, and that says a lot.
I look back at my brother and give him a playful elbow jab. “Seriously, you, a father? This is so weird.”
“Why?” he says.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t see you as a father figure.”
“Excuse me?” he says, raising his brows.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it as an insult. I’m just really blown away. In a good way.”
“Yeah, right.” Everyone starts laughing a bit except for our mom. She just gives me this look … the same one she uses whenever she secretly thinks of killing me. It makes me chuckle.
“Or maybe because I’m your brother, and you’re seeing babies and marriage in front of you, thinking ‘how the fuck could I ever do this?’”
“Maybe,” I muse, rubbing my lips together. “Who knows.”
My brother shoves me. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“All right, all right, yes, I can’t fucking imagine all of this happening, especially not to me. I’m not even sure I’m going to be a good uncle to him … or her?”
My brother smirks. “Hey, I’m not telling you that yet.” He places a hand on my back. “But you’ll be a great uncle, of that I’m sure. If it isn’t for the rides on your back, then it will be for the rides on your motorcycle.”
“Hey!” Sam folds her arms, and we both laugh a bit because I know my brother is only trying to get under her skin. I know he would never let his kid ride on my bike. Me, on the other hand … Let’s just say that I’m not very responsible.
Especially when it comes to the people that I care about. Emily knows all about that. I can’t be trusted with anyone’s heart.
Which is why I won’t become a dad anytime soon.
Chapter 9
Chris
A few days later
I pull the handles on my bike, revving the engine, the roar a boost to my vigor. I’m racing along the tracks, pushing the limits of this bike as far as I can. I have to be better, faster, and more agile than last time because I have to win. Now that I know she’ll be watching me, there’s extra pressure to win. I can’t lose in front of her. Maybe that’s just my insecurity, but it’s the only thing I have going for me. I need to do this for me. I have to show her my worth.