I still wasn’t sure what to do about Landon, but that was secondary. I would prefer to find some way out of it all without having to kill him, but I wasn’t sure if that was going to be possible. Ultimately, he was still the father I never had.
I’m a father.
Every time I thought about Alex, I tried to create some kind of picture in my head of what he might look like. I wondered if he looked like I did at the same age, and that reminded me that I didn’t even have a picture of myself from when I was a kid.
Raine stirred a little, and as I glanced back at her, I wondered how it would sound if she added “you’re a good father” to my list of positive traits. The thought warmed me, and I held her a little closer as her eyes fluttered open.
Like most mornings when there wasn’t an immediate need to get out of bed, we spent time just looking at each other. I pushed her hair away from her face and stroked her cheek softly, and Raine smiled up at me, closed her eyes to my touch, and sighed.
“You’re beautiful,” I said quietly.
“I doubt that,” Raine snickered. “I’m always a mess in the morning.”
I had to correct her.
“A beautiful mess.”
Raine smiled. I was about to kiss her, but my phone buzzed with a text from John Paul.
Wakey wakey! Eggs and fuckin bakey!
I rolled my eyes.
“Who is that?” Raine asked.
“JP,” I said. “I have to get up.”
I took a quick shower. When I was done, I found fresh coffee waiting for me in the kitchen. Raine had her own cup in her hand, and she held onto it tightly without drinking.
“What happens now?” Raine asked. The tension in her voice was plain.
“I’m going to train with JP,” I said. “That will be for the next few days. After that, Landon said three weeks of training.”
“Where will you go for that?”
“I don’t know for sure,” I said. “Landon’s being in Miami makes me wonder if the tournament will take place somewhere around here, which would mean we stay close—in the same atmosphere. It’s best to train in the type of environment where you’re going to fight.”
“Where will I be?” Raine asked quietly.
Fuck. So much for my planning skills.
“I haven’t gotten that far,” I admitted. “I’ll talk to John Paul.”
“I could stay with Nick and Lindsay,” Raine suggested.
“No,” I said. “They can’t protect you.”
“We could go on a trip or something,” she said. “Stay out of the way?”
I shook my head.
“I want to know exactly where you are,” I replied. “If you’re not where I expect you to be, I won’t know if you’re safe or not.”
I was teetering on scaring her, which I didn’t want to do, but I wasn’t going to let her far from my sight if it could be helped. I moved closer and wrapped my arms around her. Raine placed her head on my shoulder and sighed.
“I hate this,” she whispered.
“I know,” I said. “I hate it, too. This time next month it will all be over, and you, me and Alex…well, we have to figure that part out.”
A thought occurred to me, and I leaned back and placed my palm on her cheek.
“I need you to help me figure that shit out,” I said. “I need you to get whatever the hell we’re gonna need with a kid around. I don’t know anything about that shit.”
“You think I do?”
I think you need to focus on something that isn’t about me killing people.
“I think you have a better chance of understanding it than I do. If you can put up with my childish ass, you can probably deal with a six-year-old as well.”
Raine gave me a tight lipped smile as another text from John Paul told me to come and meet him at the front door.
“I’ll be gone a while,” I told Raine, “just to the gym upstairs. Keep your phone close, and don’t open the fucking door for anyone, even if you think you know who it is.”
“Okay,” she said as she bit down on her lip.
“I’ve got you,” I said again, and she nodded.
I kissed her softly before we parted, and I went downstairs to meet John Paul at the entrance to our building. We headed up to the gym and started working out.
“Funny how old patterns fall back into place,” John Paul remarked as he watched me do leg presses on the machine. “It’s just like old times, isn’t it?”
“You knew about this the other day, didn’t you?” I accused.
“Maybe,” John Paul said as he winked at me. “Couldn’t say anything, but glad you took my advice anyway.”
“I thought it was an order,” I muttered. I pushed out another set of leg presses and then switched to dumbbells.
I kept it up until sweat was pouring off of me, and every muscle in my body ached. I was glad I had been spending some time at the gym lately because John Paul was ruthless on the weight training. I could keep up, but only barely.
I wasn’t about to let him know that, though.
So I pushed myself as much as humanly possible. It was territory I knew—push beyond your limits and never stop, never let go. I ached, I sweated, and I burned through sets like a maniac just to show John Paul that I could.
He knew exactly what I was doing.
“Is that all you got?” John Paul snorted. “You’re a wuss.”
“Fuck you,” I said as I slammed the weights down to the floor. “I don’t see you pushing out this many reps.”
“Not my training, bro.”
I extended my middle finger toward him as I completed another set of curls. At least I hadn’t lost much strength in my biceps, but I’d neglected leg workouts, and even I had to admit my gut was a little flabby from lack of ab work. I never should have let myself go so much. Now that Raine had to count on my strength, I wasn’t at my best.
I had to rectify that.
I also had to make sure she was safe even when I wasn’t around.
“I need Raine protected,” I said to John Paul as I shifted my weight on the bench and switched arms. “I want someone I trust around her all the time when I’m not.”
“Not sure who that would be,” John Paul said. “Is there anyone you trust?”
“You,” I said simply.
“You want me looking after your chick?”
“Who else?”
John Paul scratched his arm, looked up at the ceiling, and considered for a moment.
“Can I fuck her?”
I stood up, dropped the dumbbell to the floor, and punched him in the face.
He stumbled backward from the blow but righted himself quickly as he laughed and rubbed at his chin.
“I guess that’s a no.”
“Fucking right it’s a no,” I said as I glared at him. “Don’t you fucking touch her.”
“Duly noted.” He laughed again.
We finished our session, and John Paul came with me back to the condo. Raine had her school books spread out on the couch and coffee table, but I could tell she wasn’t getting any actual work done. I sat down beside her and tossed my arm over her shoulder, pulling her close, as John Paul helped himself to a bottle of water.
“Ugh!” Raine groaned as she placed her hands on my chest and pushed me away. “You stink.”
“You should have smelled him back in the day of booze and whores,” John Paul said.
Like I really needed him to bring that shit up.
“Don’t make me fucking beat you in front of her,” I snapped. “I bet I can find some other meathead around here to train with me.”
“Won’t be as pretty as I am,” John Paul said. He emptied the water bottle and tossed it into the bin. “I’m out. See you bright and early tomorrow.”