“About what?”
“About Noriko. I was wrong. We should have treated her sooner.”
“No—” Shuya shook his head. “It’s okay. Thanks. I would have been useless on my own.”
Shogo exhaled and fixed his gaze on a part of the wall. “We’ll just have to wait and see. If it’s just a cold, then her fever will go down as soon as she gets some rest. And if it turns out it’s from septicemia then the medicine should kick in.”
Shuya nodded. He was grateful they had Shogo. Without Shogo, he would have been helpless, doomed to watch Noriko deteriorate. He was also sorry for saying to Shogo, “You can forget about our deal,” and heading off here. It was immature. Shogo must have made his decision after carefully weighing the risk of moving during the day against Noriko’s condition.
Shuya decided he should apologize. “Hey, I’m sorry. Saying you were on your own and all. I just got so excited—”
Still looking away from Shuya, Shogo shook his head and smiled. “No. You made the right decision. End of conversation.”
Shuya took a breath and decided to let it go. Then he asked, “Is your father still a practicing doctor?”
Shogo shook his head as he took a drag. “No.”
“What’s he doing? Is he still in Kobe?”
“No. He died.” Shogo said it casually.
Shuya’s eyes opened wide. “When?”
“Last year, while I was playing this game. By the time I got back he was dead. He probably got in a scuffle with the government.”
Shuya’s face stiffened. He was beginning to understand the glimmer in Shogo’s eyes when he’d said, “I’m going to tear up this fucking country.” The moment Shogo ended up in the Program, Shogo’s father must have tried some kind of protest. Which must have been met with a shower of bullets.
It occurred to Shuya that the parents of some of his classmates might have ended up the same way.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Shuya paused and then asked another question, “Then you moved to Kagawa Prefecture with your mother?”
Shogo shook his head and again replied, “No. My mom died when I was a kid. I was seven. She died from illness. My dad used to cry over the fact that he couldn’t even save her. But my dad specialized in surgery, like abortions. Nervous disorders were out of his field.”
Shuya apologized again, “I’m sorry.”
Shogo chuckled. “Hey, it’s all right. We both don’t have parents, right? And it’s true about getting a lifetime pension. I’ve got enough to live on. Although they don’t give you as much as they say they do.”
Bubbles began to form at the bottom of the first large pot. The charcoal under the rice pot was still mostly black, but the charcoal under the large pot was flaming red. The heat reached the table where Shuya and Shogo were standing next to each other. Shuya sat up on the table, which was covered with a flower-pattern vinyl tablecloth.
Without warning, Shogo suddenly said, “You were good friends with Yoshitoki Kuninobu.”
Shuya looked over at Shogo and looked at his profile. Then he looked ahead. It felt like a while since he’d last thought of Yoshitoki. He felt a little guilty about it.
“Yeah,” he answered. “We’ve known each other forever.” After hesitating a little, Shuya continued, “Yoshitoki had a crush on Noriko.”
Shogo continued smoking, listening.
Shuya wondered whether he should continue with what he was about to say. It had nothing to do with Shogo. But he decided to tell him anyway. Shogo was a friend now. It was all right for him to know, and besides, they had time to kill right now.
“Yoshitoki and I were at this orphanage called the Charity House—”
“I know.”
Shuya nodded and continued, “There’re all kinds of kids there. I ended up there when I was five. My parents were killed in a car accident. But that’s unusual. Most of them—”
Shogo understood. “They end up there because of ‘domestic’ problems. They’re illegitimate children.”
Shuya nodded. “So you know.”
“A little.”
He took a deep breath. “Well, Yoshitoki was illegitimate. Of course, no one at the orphanage told him, but there are ways to find out. He was conceived from an ‘illicit affair’ and both sides refused to take him in. So…”
The water made a gurgling sound.
“I remember something Yoshitoki once said to me. It was a long time ago, probably when we were still in elementary school.”
Shuya recalled that moment. They were in the corner of the school playground, rocking back and forth on a big swing made of a wooden log and wire rope.
“Hey, Shuya. I was thinking—”
“What?”
Shuya responded in his usual casual voice, kicking at the ground to rock the log. Yoshitoki didn’t put much effort into it, letting his legs dangle from both sides of the log.
“Well… uh…”
“What is it? Spit it out.”
“Well… do you have a crush on anyone?”
“Oh, please,” Shuya grinned. He knew it was something about girls. “So that’s it? What’s the matter? You have a crush on someone, huh?”
“Well…” Yoshitoki evaded the question and once again asked, “Well, do you?”
Shuya thought about it and then moaned, “Hmmm.”
By then he was “Wild Seven.” So he’d gotten several love letters. But at the time he never fell head over heels for anyone in particular. As it turned out, he wouldn’t until he met Kazumi Shintani.
He answered, “Well, I think there’re some cool girls.”
Yoshitoki didn’t say anything back so he assumed he wanted to hear more. He continued speaking in a light tone, “Komoto’s not bad. She actually wrote me a love letter. I haven’t, uh, responded though. Then there’s Utsumi, who’s on the volleyball team. She’s pretty cool. That’s my type. You know, real outgoing.”
Yoshitoki looked pensive.
“What is it? I told you, now you tell me. Who is it?”
But Yoshitoki only said, “No, that’s not it.”
Shuya knit his brows.
“What is it then?”
Yoshitoki seemed quite hesitant, but then he said, “You see, I never really understood.”
“Huh?”
“I mean…” His legs dangled passively as he continued, “I think if you really loved someone you’d marry her, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” Shuya replied with an idiotic look on his face. “Yeah. If I loved someone, I’d want to marry her… I mean I don’t feel that way about anyone.”
“Right?” Yoshitoki said, as if it were only natural. Then he asked, “So let’s say you just can’t get married for some reason. If you ended up having a kid with her, wouldn’t you still want to raise the kid?”
Shuya felt a little uncomfortable. He’d just begun to get the idea of how babies were made.
“Having a kid? Hey, you’re still a kid. That’s dirty stuff. You know I heard that that’s—”
That was when Shuya finally remembered Yoshitoki was born as a result of an illicit affair and that neither of his parents wanted him. Startled, he held back what he was about to say.
Yoshitoki was staring at the log between his thighs. Then he mumbled, “My parents weren’t like that.”
Shuya suddenly felt really bad for him. “H-hey, Yoshi—”
He looked up at Shuya and said somewhat forcefully, “So I-I just don’t know. Loving someone. I don’t feel like I can trust that sort of thing.”
Shuya continued pushing with his legs, but he had no choice but to stare back at Yoshitoki. He felt as if he were being addressed in a language from another planet. At the same time, it sounded like a dreadful prophecy.
“I think—”