He bursts out laughing, and it’s so infectious I can’t stop from laughing with him; we both know I’m full of it. “You are the shittiest liar.”
“I know,” I agree with a giggle, not bothering to deny it. I get on behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, bringing my front flush against his hard, warm back. My smile dies and my heart flutters at the familiar feeling of being this close to him again. It’s a feeling I didn’t think I would get to experience again.
“You ready?” he asks, his voice sounding huskier than it did a minute ago.
“Yes,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure he heard the reply.
He starts up the bike, the powerful vibration and loud motor has anticipation pounding through my system. Kicking back the stand, he starts out of the garage slowly, and hits a button on the keypad as we pass it, closing the oversized door behind us, as we start out of the parking lot.
Once we get onto the highway, he lets go and hits the throttle. I suck in a sharp breath and squeeze him tighter. Fear, anxiety and adrenaline slam into me, and completely overwhelm me. I close my eyes and my heart instantly begins to calm as I let myself use the only senses I’ve known for as long as I can remember. I take in the warm wind on my face, the smell of nature around us, and, most of all, I absorb the feeling of Ryder’s hard body warming mine. I forgot how completely exhilarating this could be.
Once I’m more grounded, I reopen my eyes and try to take in our surroundings, but the dark night and our rapid speed make it difficult. So instead, I take the experience for what it is and just let myself feel. It takes me back to a time I remember so well, one I loved and one only Ryder ever gave me. Freedom.
It isn’t too long before Ryder slows and pulls off to the side of the road in what seems like the middle of nowhere. I look around, wondering what he’s doing, but as we drive further in I get a glimpse of the view before us, and my heart stalls in my chest when I realize where we are.
He parks the bike and I’m climbing off before he even has it turned off. I remove my helmet and jacket before walking closer to the edge of the cliff. I make sure to stop a fair distance away as my gaze becomes riveted to the incredible view stretched before me.
“Describe to me what we’re looking at, Ryder.”
“The clear sky above us is dark and covered in stars. Way off in the distance are thousands of lights from homes and buildings that light up the entire city. It looks like we are a world away rather than minutes.”
I swallow past the sudden ache in my throat as his words replay in my head. His description was incredibly accurate, but I never understood the true beauty of it… Until now. I look up at the clear night sky to see a million stars, but they quickly become blurry as tears begin slipping down my cheeks. My heart becomes so overwhelmed from finally seeing what I always missed out on, that I cover my face and cry. Ryder comes up behind me and turns me around before enveloping me in his strong arms. He doesn’t say anything; he just holds me and lets me cry everything out.
“You have no idea how many times I tried to picture this place,” I mumble into his chest, feeling the need to try and explain what I’m feeling. “Anything I ever pictured never came close to this.”
He rubs soothing circles along my back in a comforting gesture, and the warmth of his embrace has some of my tears subsiding. “It doesn’t matter, Em. The best part about coming here was us getting to be together. The view was just an added bonus. You always experienced the best part of it.”
Warmth blooms across my chest, my heart melting at his words. I nod, realizing he is right; the best part of that time was us – getting to be together. This was a place where we both escaped to and created a world of our own. One where wealth and politics never defined us.
“Come on. Let’s sit down.” He lays down his coat for me to sit on then takes the spot beside me. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them, feeling cold without Ryder’s arms around me anymore.
“Sorry,” I whisper, feeling the need to apologize as I wipe away the remainder of my tears.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Em. I can imagine it must be pretty overwhelming at times.”
I nod. “Yeah, it is. This is all so new to me still and I’m struggling to find my way.”
“How so?”
I take a moment to think of a way to explain it to him. “It’s like I’m having to learn to live all over again. When I lost my sight I learned to live in the dark. It was a different world, but I figured it out and I eventually strived in it. Now I’m thrown into what seems like a whole new world. People think it’s easier because now I can see, but it’s not at all. Something as simple as a place I have walked to a hundred times is now confusing because my entire direction is screwed up. But if I close my eyes then I can find my way.” I shake my head, feeling frustrated just thinking about it. “Even the stupid street lights. I’ve had to learn colors, something that we all learn in kindergarten, and it makes me feel like a complete idiot.” I turn my face away, feeling exposed as I admit to him everything I have been feeling for the past month.
“Emily, look at me.” His warm hand cups my cheek and he turns my face toward his. “There is nothing even remotely stupid about you, you are the smartest chick I’ve ever met.” I shake my head but he stops the movement with his hand. “I’m serious. I mean, how many people can read with their hands?”
Looking back at him, I decide to tell him something I haven’t expressed to anyone. “Sometimes I wish it never came back,” I whisper thickly. “I know that is such an awful and ungrateful thing to say, but it’s how I feel most of the time.”
His intense, green eyes are soft with understanding. “No, it’s not awful, it’s normal, Em. Your entire life has been flipped upside down for a second time. I know it’s hard right now, but you’re going to figure it out and you will strive in it, just like you did before. It’s just going to take time.”
He’s right. I know he is, but I’m having a hard time finding my patience right now. I suddenly think about my appointment with Dr. Ross. “You know how I went to that appointment earlier today.” He nods, his expression piquing with interest. “Well, the doctor I saw made a suggestion that he wants me to try.” Just the thought has panic bubbling up to the surface.
“What did he suggest?” he asks when it takes me a moment to find my words.
“He wants me to try hypnotherapy. He thinks it would be beneficial for me to remember what happened in the woods all those years ago. Or, at the very least, try to unlock the nightmare I had, to see if it could have any correlation to what brought my sight back.”
“Are there risks involved with that?” he asks, sounding concerned.
I shrug. “He said typically no, the risks are not great, nor serious, but my case is also rare so he can’t guarantee anything a hundred percent. But he did say he feels like everything would be okay. He’s strongly encouraging me to try it.”
“And what do you think?”
“The entire thought terrifies me, because whatever I dreamt that night, Ryder, it scared me so bad that I never want to feel fear like that again.” I can’t stop the hitch in my breath, or the tears I had been trying to hold at bay from slipping down my cheeks.
“Jesus, Em.” Catching me off guard, he lifts me in one smooth motion and brings me over to straddle him. He wipes my tears before cupping my face affectionately. “Don’t be afraid, baby, whatever happened is over now. But maybe this is something you should consider. I know you’re scared, but if this does have to do with whatever happened all those years ago, if you don’t deal with it – who knows what would happen if you have another nightmare. Have you thought about that?”
I nod. I have thought about it. I don’t want to go to sleep and have something happen that reverses this and I’m thrust back into the dark again. Although, with the way things are feeling right now maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I stare back at Ryder’s handsome face and know I don’t mean that. As hard as things have been for me, one thing I can’t be unhappy about is getting to see all the people I love: Summer, Rosa, Cece and now the one boy who captured my heart so many years ago.