Beautifully Shattered
Courtney Kristel
Copyright © 2015 by Courtney Kristel
Ebook formatting by Jesse Gordon
Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
About the Author
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all of the readers that want to hide away, cry, or scream at the top of their lungs. It may not always be easy, but it does get better. Keep holding on. Life is beautiful, including the shattered pieces.
Acknowledgments
A special thanks to my very first reader, my sister Heather. Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to follow my dreams. Words can never describe how grateful I am for you being here for every step of the way, every word I typed, and every thought I had. Because of you, this story came to life. I love you.
Thank you Dad for helping me make my dream a reality. You have always helped me with reaching every goal of mine. You are the best dad a girl could ever ask for. I love you Daddy.
Monica, you are as much to thank for this story being finished as anyone else. Your love for the characters was the push I needed to finish. Thank you for all of your nagging and staying up until 4am reading the first draft. Now it’s your turn to see what I put Heather through. Love you big sis.
Twinsy, thank you for being you. I am so grateful that you would always listen to my ranting even though you had no idea what I was talking about. Thank you for stepping in when I needed you the most. You will forever be the first person to ever know my dream to write.
My wonderful editor, Stacy Juba, THANK YOU! Your insight has helped me tremendously. Without you, I would have ripped my hair out. You’ve made this whole process so much easier. Thank you for all of the wonderful feedback, emails, and comments about the plot twist.
The fantastic cover couldn’t have been done without the amazing designer, Danielle Hurps. Thank you for the numerous cover designs, and all of the other artwork. You’re incredibly talented.
Prologue
Connor nods to the left, indicating that Jax is striding our way. Stubbornly I stare straight ahead, refusing to face the man who has destroyed me. I wave my hand at my family, conveying that now is not the time for me to confront Jax.
“You’re here to celebrate my last meet of the year, not to force me to talk to him,” I mutter to Connor.
Connor doesn’t say anything as he walks the short distance to my family. Connor bends to whisper something in Hadley’s ear. Her thirteen-year-old self jumps up and down, giddy to do Connor’s bidding.
His footsteps become louder the closer he gets. I breathe deeply, enjoying my last breath of fresh air until he leaves. The Thai aroma almost brings a smile to my lips. I really wanted greased-filled pizza, the kind that is so delicious you know it’s blocking your major arteries, but because he’s here I wanted to make him suffer. So of course I chose the one food he hates. I even gave him a vindictive sneer when he searched the menu for something he would be able to stomach. Once he’s near, his scent will invade my senses like it always does; everything will disappear leaving only Jax. I can’t let that happen, not anymore. Because of what he did, I can never forgive him. I have to forget the love I still feel for him.
My brother says something to Dad, but I don’t catch it. I’m too focused on listening to the way Jax’s steps sound on the concrete. He’s almost near me. I go for indifference as my Mom studies my reaction. I fear she’s aware of why I’m suddenly anti-Jax, but she has yet to voice her suspicions. I used to stay up late at night wishing that Jax would change, crying into my mom’s lap while she ran her fingers through my hair, consoling me for something I can’t be honest about. My wishes never came true. I should have known that Jaxon Chandler would ruin me.
I slide on my sunglasses even though it’s cloudy. The rare Southern California storm has arrived. Hopefully it’s gone by tomorrow, or the barbecue my parents have planned for my seventeenth birthday won’t happen. Not that I’m in the mood to celebrate. Every spring, for the past eight years, I’ve looked forward to my birthday for one reason. Jax. He always sneaks in and gives my present to me in private. Our tradition is now broken, like us.
I check whether anyone is watching us. They’re not, their attention glued to my little sister showing off some ballet move. Without turning to see if he’s following me, I stalk behind the Thai restaurant. His footsteps thud against the pavement.
He starts in as soon as we’re deep enough in the alley that my parents won’t hear me shouting. “Ads—”
I whirl around, eyes blazing. “No! You lost the chance to call me that when you stepped onto the plane.” I stab my finger into his hard chest. “You lost the chance to ask ANY questions! You have no right to speak to me!”
His arms hover over me, as if he wants to touch me. He’s fighting the same battle I am. If he pulls me into his arms, I’ll melt into him. His pretty words will wash over me; everything will disappear. Jax isn’t the sun, he’s the darkness, preventing me from shining. I can’t let him in again.
Decision made, I step away. His arms fall to his sides. “Why are you here?” I demand.
“Please give me the chance to explain. You stopped taking my calls, you’ve locked your window. You leave when I come by.”
I laugh. “So you thought ambushing me earlier, at my swim meet and in front of my family, was the right choice? You thought if I laid eyes on your handsome face, all would be forgiven? I HATE YOU, JAXON! Nothing you can say will ever make me forgive you.”
He drops to his knees in front of me. His hands dig into my hips as he looks up at me. I wipe my angry tears away. I won’t cry because of him. Jaxon Chandler has been the reason for too many of my tears. No more.
“I’m here. Doesn’t that count?” he says against my stomach.
We’re standing in front of the dumpster. The stench should be overwhelming, but all I smell is Jax. I torture myself with the woodsy scent, hating that I’m enjoying his close proximity.
It takes a second too long for my legs to carry me away from his touch. “It’s too late. You should have stayed in New York.”
“Ads—”
I shake my head as I back up. “I never want to see you again. I’ll be fine without you.” I grab my iPod from my pocket.
“I want to—” His words die as I insert my earbuds and leave the alley.
Coldplay blast in my ears, blocking out Jax. I lean against the brick wall of the restaurant and watch my family in the parking lot. My heart stops when I feel him behind me. He makes no move to touch me. He leans over until his breath pours over my bare shoulder.