He identified himself, using the title Generalissimo which is how we knew who he was. His last name was “Petit.” Generalissimo Percival Petit—that’s how he introduced himself to us.
The Generalissimo was dressed in full uniform, although unarmed. His regalia was not unlike that of the head usher at the Radio City Music Hall in the days of its glory. Complete with ribbons and medals. Self-awarded? I couldn't be sure, but that was my guess. Also, the Generalissimo was a midget, not much larger than a breadbox.
Behind him, the moon now chose to reveal, was an assorted group of other midgets, dwarfs, and pygmies. These little people, perhaps half a dozen of them, two of them females, were armed to the miniature teeth. Ammo belts crisscrossed tiny chests, repeating rifles and pistols were wielded in businesslike fashion; there were even two spears and a blowpipe. Most of these weapons were leveled with deadly aim at Dickson and myself.
By way of balancing the power, or at least trying to, I pointed the pistol I’d brought along at the head of Generalissimo Petit. He was a gutsy little guy; I’ll say that for him. He absolutely ignored it.
“Have you brought the gold?” the pint-sized commander demanded to know.
“Yeah.” I indicated the box alongside Dickson.
The Generalissimo motioned for two of his wee followers to come forward and get it.
“Hold on!” I came on a lot stronger than I felt with all that artillery pointed my way. “Where’s the girl?”
“The girl?” Generalissimo Petit stayed as calm as an undersized cucumber. “You must have misunderstood. The gold is simply what we expect of you as proof of your good faith. It’s a prediscussion contribution, so to speak. Now that we know that you are serious, we will contact you again regarding our terms for the disposition of the girl.”
“No girl, no gold!” I announced firmly.
From somewhere down in front there was the sound of a couple of safeties being released. I took a step closer to Petit, making it obvious that I was lining up the barrel of my revolver with his right temple. A stalemate was the best I could hope for, and I was going to make damn sure I had nothing but the best.
“[Expletive deleted]!” Dickson’s voice was very shaky a few steps behind rne. He was still alongside the gold. Obviously he recognized that if the Lilliputian soldiers went for it, he’d be one of the first barriers they’d remove.
“How do we even know if the girl is still alive?” I asked the Generalissimo.
“You’ve heard her voice on the tape.”
“You could have killed her after the tape was made.”
“She’s a prisoner of war. We aren’t savages. She’s being treated according to the rules of the Geneva Convention.”
“Before you get that gold, we at least want to see her,” I told him. “Otherwise, no deal.”
“Then will you relinquish the gold?”
I turned to Dickson. “How about it?”
“[Expletive deleted]! All right. [Not intelligible]! Under the circumstances, it would not be appropriate for me to say anything further on this point. [Ex- pletive removed] !”
“He means okay,” I translated for Generalissimo Petit. “Now let’s see the girl.”
There was a rustle amongst the small warriors behind him. Then their ranks parted to allow Alicia to appear before us. She looked super in white shorts and a white halter. Also she was wearing paratrooper combat boots and carrying an M-1.
“I thought you were a prisoner,” I greeted her.
“I am.”
“Then how come you’re carrying a gun?”
“It’s my way of showing I sympathize with the cause of the Lilliputian Liberation Army.”
“You sure do treat your prisoners democratically,” I told the Generalissimo sarcastically.
“There are no bullets in the gun. She is merely a trainee. After you meet our demands, she will be given her choice of returning to you, or of joining with us in the fight for Lilliputian freedom.”
I had a hunch he was lying. “Tell her to come closer,” I told him.
“Why?”
“I want to see her close-up to make sure she hasn’t been mistreated.”
The Generalissimo shrugged. He nodded to Alicia. She came into the light, walking up to me—wary.
Not wary enough. My arm shot out fast and my fist caught her square on the jaw. As she fell forward, I grabbed the rifle she’d been holding. The safety was off. I whirled and aimed it at the dwarfs, pygmies, and midgets pointing their weapons at us. Before I could even fire they had scattered and were diving for cover. I pulled the trigger on the gun, firing over their heads. The burst of fire clattered out over the clear- mg.
“Not loaded, huh?” I turned to the Generalissimo.
He didn’t reply. He couldn’t. Dickson was holding him tightly by the throat, our hostage now.
Alicia was back on her feet, jaw swollen, mouth snarling. She was tawny as a tigress, and moved just as lithely. I pointed the pistol at her to cool her down. The rifle was still in my other hand, ready to respond to any trouble from the Lilliputians.
“I don't understand,” Dickson understated.
“She’s in league with them.” I spelled it out for him.
“[Expletive deleted]! She’s not even a [characterization omitted] dwarf. Why the [expletive removed] Would she be in league with them?”
“There is a brotherhood of the downtrodden of the earth which has nothing to do with gender, color, national origin, creed, or size,” Alicia explained for herself dialectically. “You are the common enemy,” she told Dickson.
“But I’m your [adjective omitted] father!” he forgot himself and reminded her.
“Because you once made a drop at the sperm bank?” she jeered at him. “What kind of a father is that? You only did it for political reasons. You exploited me and my mother the same as you exploit the little people.”
“I never stepped on a [expletive removed]-sucking midget in my life!” Dickson protested indignantly. “I never even had one bugged!”
“Being a little people has nothing to do with size,” she told him.
“The hell you say!” Generalissimo Petit interrupted. “The persecution of little people has everything to do with size. My little brother was once picketing the White House when a pet cat jumped from the window ledge of the Oval Ofice and ate him!”
“That wasn’t exactly what I meant,” Alicia tried to soothe him. “I only meant that we’re all Lilliputians when we buck up against the Establishment.”
“Me too, for that matter,” Dickson sighed. “How the [expletive omitted] do you suppose I got to be ex-President?”
“You are the Establishment!” she insisted.
“That’s what you think!”
“Come on!” I interrupted them and motioned with my gun at Alicia. “Let’s get out of here!”
“If you try to leave with the gold,” Generalissimo Petit told me, “my men will shoot you down.”
“The first shot they fire, you get it right between the eyes,” I threatened him.
“That won’t stop them.” He was quite calm about it. “I’m expendable. Comrade Alicia is expendable. If we die for the cause, then we die. I assure you, if you don’t leave the gold, they will shoot.”
For my part, I would have left it. Dickson, on the other hand, wasn’t about to part with a cool million in gold that easily. He was really torn.
It was an impasse. It would have stayed an impasse too, if suddenly there hadn’t been an unexpected intrusion. The intrusion came in the form of a Flit-spray of bullets sweeping the area indiscriminately, seeking out both us and the Lilliputians as targets.
Everybody dived for cover. Generalissimo Petit didn’t quite make it. The little leader went down, hit in the chest.