“You girls are so going to scream!” Jameson chides.
“Do you want to go?” Max asks, looking at me with uncertainty.
“About as much as I wanted to get a tattoo. Yet, I still have a tattoo.” He smiles and softly kisses my temple.
Later that morning I text Abby, extending an invite to her and Jesse. Surprisingly she accepts and we agree to all meet at seven at Antonio’s Pizza Palace. I’ve hardly seen Abby in the past couple of weeks other than the few occasions that she and I have made plans to hang out. I tried to apologize for the excitement that led to Max coming over and ransacking our apartment, and although she seems to have forgiven him, Jesse has no interest in hanging out with us, and it causes a bit of tension between us.
The haunted house is horrifying. I literally feel like it strips four years of my life away as we’re chased by a man with a chainsaw, another with a large axe, and countless other menacing characters through the scarcely lit space as spooky sounds and screams echo around us. By the end, Kendall has latched herself like a barnacle to both Jameson and Max. While I’m tightly wound around one of Jesse’s arms and Abby has a strangle hold on the other.
“Seriously. Never again,” I repeat, reluctantly releasing my hold from Jesse as we make it through the exit. I jump as a hand lands on my back and look back to see Max grinning at me.
“A little jumpy?” he teases, arching that single eyebrow with the look that melts my annoyance with him before it can even fully formulate.
I am jumpy, to the point that it’s a bit embarrassing. I cling to Max’s side for the remainder of the evening that we spend back at the guys’, laughing and telling stories. The previous awkwardness with Jesse seems to have been left behind in the walls of the haunted house. Perhaps it’s from seeing Max in a more relaxed setting and realizing that the version he’d seen wasn’t his normal state. Or maybe it’s the fact that I was plastered to his side like drywall out of desperation for what seemed like hours, but was probably closer to twenty minutes. I don’t spend much time speculating what has changed the overall demeanor, but I’m grateful for it as I sit back and soak it in.
My birthday passes in a buzz of costumes and parties, ending at the hospital where Savannah delivers my fourth niece, Sawyer. Her arrival is the greatest gift, making my birthday nearly as perfect as she is.
“I can’t stop reading this!” Kendall squeals, pinching the bridge of her nose. The book drops to her chest as she falls back into the couch beside me.
I grin at her and nod. “I know, it’s like a train wreck. You can’t turn back and it keeps getting worse!”
She giggles, pumping her feet into the air.
Jameson and Max enter the room and I glance at the clock on the wall, wondering what they’re doing back so soon. They were supposed to go to the gym, and I was hoping to be gone by the time that they returned. It’s only been fifteen minutes.
Max and I are experiencing one of our first awkward stages. We’ve just returned from Arizona where we attended his older brother Billy’s wedding. The long weekend had been amazing, until the night before we left when Max made a comment about sex just being sex that sent me on the strange path I’m still trying to navigate, making me speculate things about our relationship that I haven’t before now.
“What’s with this chick crying every time they have sex? That’s not normal! Is it?” Kendall asks, looking at me confused, “Do you cry during sex? I don’t.”
“Can we not be that open with all of that, babe?” Jameson asks, obviously uncomfortable.
“Wouldn’t you rather hear what I have to say, as opposed to doing it behind closed doors? Because it’s going to happen, one way or the other.”
“You don’t just start a conversation like that about sex!” Jameson cries, and if I wasn’t in such a mood I’d probably laugh at the vulnerability he’s showing.
Jameson has become one of my favorite people. I’m beyond happy he and Kendall are dating. The first day that I’d met Jameson my initial thought was that the calm, inquisitive, and caring side he’d shown me at the track was just a façade, but it wasn’t. He is hilarious and goofy with a radiant energy, and calm and caring with a more inquisitive nature than most.
“Like you guys don’t talk about sex, please!” Kendall retorts.
“Yeah, isn’t sex just sex? Something we just do because it’s our primal instinct? We are animals,” I say.
“And with that, I think you’re done reading this book,” Jameson says, grabbing the book off of her chest and winging it across the room. “Something tells me they need to talk.” He grabs Kendall’s hand and pulls her up.
“Here’s some good advice, don’t repeat whatever it was you said before,” Kendall says, widening her eyes and nodding at him before they walk down the hall disappearing into Jameson’s room.
I intentionally avoid Max by turning my back and heading up the stairs to get my things.
“How long are you going to freeze me out?” he demands, following close on my heels.
“I’m not freezing you out.”
“The hell you’re not! You’re pissed at me for what I said, and you’re trying to make me pay for it!”
“Pay for it? You think I’m trying to make you pay for it?”
“People have casual sex all the time! I’ve had plenty of it; sex isn’t always about emotions and deep-seated promises tying two people together. It’s naive to think that!” Max’s eyes are dark with anger as he throws an arm in the air.
Although words rush through my head faster than I can aptly process them, I don’t respond. I don’t think I’ll be able to without losing my composure, and the last thing I want to do right now is cry in front of Max, especially when he’s saying these words.
I grab my backpack that thankfully still holds my books and laptop, and without attempting to gather my other belongings that are strewn around, I turn to leave. I know I won’t be able to keep things inside much longer.
“You always want to run away when shit gets real!” His voice is a notch louder than normal as he stands in the doorway with his hands clutching the molding. “You have to stop running!”
“What am I supposed to do, Max?”
“Fight! Tell me that’s not what it means. Tell me how you feel!” His voice still carries an authoritative edge, but it wavers at the end, as though he’s realizing these words shouldn’t be said as a demand.
“Are you kidding? You want to completely demean me and our relationship, and now you want me to profess my feelings for you?” I feel my eyebrows lower as I look to him for an answer. All he does is stare back at me with hard eyes, his jaw clenching.
“Move!” I demand, gripping my backpack.
“What is running away going to accomplish?”
“What is being here going to accomplish? All I want to do right now is get away from you! I’m disgusted with you!”
“You’re disgusted with me for having casual sex?”
“I’m disgusted with you for pretending to care!”
“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Max seethes, his fingers tightening around the molding causes the veins in his arms to become more prominent.
“I thought I knew that, but right now…” my head shakes with defeat “…I don’t know what I know, other than I need to get out of here.”
Before he can respond, I push past him and head down the stairs. I get in my car and throw my bag to the passenger seat and leave.
I drive around aimlessly, not sure where to go. I don’t want to chance running into Jesse and Abby at the apartment, and being peeled like an onion by my dad isn’t appealing. I have no intention of discussing the meaning behind sex with him—ever. Before I realize it, I’ve headed directly to the beach that Max and I found several weeks ago.