I kick my Converse off near the fire pit we’d created and continue down the desolate stretch to where the water softly kisses the sand.
Thoughts flood my mind as I begin to walk toward no particular destination, trying to articulate what’s happening. It takes me a while to realize that I’m further than I’ve ever been and should probably stop. Otherwise, I’ll never make it back before the sun sets, and I don’t have a flashlight to try and find the path that is fairly indistinguishable even in the daylight.
I stare out, facing the waves as my mind relaxes and focuses on the tickle from the water as it washes over my feet, pulling the sand out from under me in small increments, making me slowly sink. I take a deep breath, enjoying the sounds of the surf and the seagulls as they cry overhead, and feel the wind blow through my hair.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I hurt you again.”
I leap in the air as my silence is penetrated by Max’s deep voice.
“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to startle you,” Max says, a small grin tugging on his full lips. I pull my attention away from his handsome face. The last thing I need to do right now is be reminded at how beautiful he is.
“Why are you here, Max?” I ask, frowning as I look back to watch the water lap over my feet.
“All weekend I kept hearing how great we are together. How it will be our wedding that everyone’s gathered at next.” His voice grows closer.
My head snaps around to face where he stands a couple of feet behind me. “I’m not giving you any ultimatums or pressuring you into anything!”
“I know.” He turns his attention to the water, and then to me. His eyes don’t seem to be able to focus on me as I watch them waver between iciness and warmth. “I’d almost prefer you did! I never know what in the hell is going through that damn head of yours! I don’t know what you’re thinking or how you feel! You’ve dated so many guys, and yet you were a virgin! And you weren’t reluctant to sleep with me at all, even when you thought …”
Confusion clouds my thoughts as I stare at him. What is he talking about? Is he upset about the first time we had sex again? Then it hits me like a wave soaking me to the core: Max is feeling vulnerable and is afraid of me just as much as I am of him.
“You think I’m using you for casual sex?” The words come out barely above a whisper as my mind spins.
He looks at me expectantly.
“Max, I’ve had a crush on you since the day you moved in next door,” I admit, rolling my eyes, having to discuss his insecurities by forcing me to discuss my feelings. But why am I hiding my feelings? Am I causing his insecurities? But what if Max doesn’t feel as strongly as I do?
I take a deep breath and my lungs quiver, as if they don’t want all of the oxygen because they aren’t sure they want me to continue talking. “Max, I love you.” My brain goes into overdrive, processing if I should have just let my vulnerability shine through.
Max crushes my body against his almost violently, holding my face in his hands as he kisses me. Conflicting emotions rush through me, as the anger, confusion, and doubt begin to wash from me like a receding wave. Love is an emotion that until spoken, I hadn’t realized the immense power that it holds.
“I love you,” Max says against my lips, kissing me softly once more before pulling back further to look at me. I feel my heart race, not realizing how badly I needed to hear his confirmation. He reaches up and softly cradles my face with a large hand. Gently, he slides my hair back as his blue eyes, bright with energy, frantically seek mine, reading my every thought, fear, hope, and things I’m not even aware of. “I love you so much.”
“You’re still reading that book?” I laugh, sitting beside Kendall on the couch and look over her shoulder. “I thought Jameson tossed it?”
“If I sent him a text like this, I think he’d have a heart attack and die,” she says, ignoring my question, and pointing to a section of the book.
I lean forward to read the passage she’s referring to and laugh. “He’d probably die happy though,” I say, smiling at her. Kendall throws her head back and laughs a loud and contagious laugh as Max comes through the doorway with Jameson, returning from a run. He looks at me, holding my gaze as his smile grows as a silent knowledge of our love passes.
Thanksgiving break arrives before we know it and we’re all anxious for the short break. I’ve been working tirelessly at school and planning Max’s surprise party that Wes, Kendall, and Jameson are helping me to pull off. Landon has been running interference for us, distracting Max and getting him out of the house. Jameson, Kendall, and I are once again summarizing the plans as I take them to the airport the Thursday before break.
“I want to see a picture of her picking an apple, or I’ll never believe it,” I tease, pulling up to the departure gate.
“Pick apples.” Kendall scoffs, getting out of the car. Really, I couldn’t care less about the apples, it’s just the only thing I can think of to try and make her laugh. She’s been freaking out about meeting Jameson’s family, fretting that they won’t like her since we learned his parents weren’t enthused when he moved to San Diego, land of “fake people.”
“It’s supposed to be like twenty degrees. I think I’ll be practicing my snow bunny look indoors.” I laugh before they each lean forward to press a kiss to my cheek and climb out. I wave goodbye and head back to Max’s, knowing that although I’ll miss them for the next five days that they spend in Yakima, I’m really looking forward to having some time alone with Max since Landon flew out earlier this morning to spend the next week home with his family in Florida.
Intent on not wasting a single moment that we have together, Max is waiting for me when I arrive. We quickly establish some basic rules: no leaving the house, no one is allowed in the house, and no technology other than movies.
“One final rule,” Max says, taking a step closer to me. I see the predatory glint in his eyes as he closes in on me. “You’re only allowed to wear underwear.” He grips the bottom of my shirt and pulls it over my head revealing a yellow lacy bra. “You and yellow.” He growls.
I grin, enjoying the appraisal his eyes make as they travel over my body. Max’s hands fall to the button of my dove gray capris, and I smile against his lips as I work to free his shirt.
“You ready to head to your apartment?” Max asks, making a trail of kisses up my spine as I lie on my stomach, feeling blissful. I know we’ll enjoy being home with our families but I still hate leaving this moment, not knowing when we’ll have uninterrupted time together again.
“Promise me that we can do this again.” I sigh into the pillow and close my eyes, loving the contrast of the cool sheets and the heat pouring off Max’s skin.
“Let’s just say we’re sick. We’ll spend Thanksgiving here,” he whispers, landing kisses along my shoulder blade as his hand snakes around my lower back, gripping my waist. Max flips me to my back making me laugh.
“I don’t think Jameson and Kendall will play along.”
Max grunts as his head falls to my chest, his mouth closing around my nipple. I’m not certain if it’s because he knows I’m right, or if it’s elicited from a deeper need. I don’t try to figure it out as his teeth scrape against my sensitive skin making me arch my back and grip his shoulders.
“My god, I love you,” he whispers, looking up at my face as his hands trail from my neck to my hips and then slide beneath me, wrapping around my ass. He squeezes once as he takes in a deep breath and then groans, burying his face in my chest.