Cool. No problemo.
I turned to leave the kitchen, and felt his hand on my arm, pulling me around to face him. His eyes were warm and soft now, a hint of remorse lacing his expression.
"Hey, I'm sorry," he replied gently. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It's kind of a sore subject, I guess. It's the one thing we can't give one another and it's frustrating as hell. We aren't on the same page with it, in all honesty."
"S'alright," I said with a nod, turning to leave.
"Hey you two," Eli said, coming into the kitchen. "Want to play some cards or something?"
I gave Eli a kiss on the cheek as I headed out. "I'm exhausted guys, rain check? This chick has a date with a long soak in a tub full of bubbles. Don't forget—tomorrow we start decorating inside and out."
I heard their manly grumbles as I retreated down the hallway to my room.
My bubble bath was delicious. I soaked for nearly an hour, and thought about the kiss Cain had given me. Maybe I was making too much of it. Maybe it was just something done without thought. I was inclined to believe that's all it was.
I mean, we all cared for each other; that was perfectly clear. We were all close, so maybe it didn't have to mean a damn thing. I wasn't going to overanalyze it. I probably needed to get out more. I'd kind of become a house frau and it was showing. I hadn't sworn off men for life, just the users. Maybe I was ready to try my hand at cultivating a real relationship with someone who had potential rather than just anyone with a hard dick.
After my bath, I climbed into my empty bed and pulled out the large plastic bag that contained yarn, knitting needles and the two work-in-progress wool scarves I'd been knitting in secret for a couple of weeks.
I was making a dark teal scarf for Eli; Cain's was a dark maroon, and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when it sort of/probably looked an awful lot like something Draco Malfoy would wear. The colors were perfect for each of their palettes.
My Grandmother Townsend (my mom's mother) had taught me how to knit and crochet one summer when I stayed at her house in Oregon. I was probably eleven or twelve at the time. She lived in the middle of nowhere, so I had been happy to have something to keep me busy.
I had knitted potholders of every color, and crocheted hats for my parents and brother, proudly presenting them as gifts when I arrived back home. Only, I never saw my mother use that first potholder, and of course, the hats hadn't really been their style I was told.
The following year, my Grandmother Townsend passed away. When my mother returned home after her burial, she brought boxes of yarn, knitting needles, crochet hooks, and patterns with her and gave them to me.
Over the years, I had dabbled here and there with making things. It was a skill that had stuck with me, I suppose, and would serve me well in making Christmas presents for my guys.
I had found earmuffs on sale to go with them. My budget was still fairly tight these days.
I was knitting away, finding the sound of the clicking needles almost soothing. My grandmother had told me that many a problem had found a solution while she knitted. Maybe I'd have a better chance of finding a date if I wasn't sitting home knitting, I thought to myself with a smile.
I definitely needed to do something before New Year's Eve, because this girl, as mature and down-to-earth as she was trying to be, wasn't going to be a fucking wallflower on New Year’s Eve.
There had been a couple of guys at the bureau who worked in Accounting that had been somewhat flirtatious with me, but I'd pretty much been blowing them off.
I promised myself that, after Thanksgiving, I would make a concerted effort to strike up a conversation with one of them. They were both very nice guys, and not the usual bad-boy types I seemed to gravitate towards. That had to be a good sign. I'd start with Kenneth. He had the higher-level position of the two.
I smiled as I continued knitting. Granny Townsend was right. I had definitely worked out a practical plan while knitting, to ensure I was on the right path toward maturity, self-respect and cultivating healthy relationships.
chapter 10
We all had Black Friday off from our respective jobs, so I put the guys to work assembling the Douglas Fir artificial tree, and getting the white twinkle lights situated evenly. That had managed to get me several exasperated sighs and a couple of eye rolls thrown my way.
I admit, I was damn picky when it came to my Christmas tree decorating. My mother had always left it for me to do, once Trace left home, and I had taken the responsibility quite seriously.
"Much better, Eli," I praised, after I had instructed him to fill the gap where one string of lights plugged into the next.
"Thank you, Princess Paige," he teased, with a shake of his head. "Damn, I never knew how inept I was at this until you so graciously pointed out the multiple faux pas I made here." He gave a waggle of his eyebrows.
Cain came in from the garage just then with another rubber tub marked "X-MAS SHIT." He set it down next to the tree and took the lid off of it.
"Here it is," he said, with a big smile. "I knew we hadn't tossed this stuff out before the move."
He reached in and pulled out several home-made ornaments. Like maybe from his own childhood. There were snowmen and gingerbread men made out of colored felt, with sequins and buttons glued on, a Christmas angel that looked like it had been made out of a tampon, with a bunch of glitter adorning it and a gold pipe-cleaner shaped as the wings.
"These are precious," I said, my lips twitching to a smile. I had never seen Cain look like a 'kid at Christmas' which was exactly how he looked at this very moment. It was hard to even imagine him being a child, what with his serious nature and the passionate undercurrent I had felt first-hand the night before.
He looked over at me and our eyes met.
Damn, he was fucking complicated—or maybe it was simply that the longer I knew him, the less I seemed to know him. He could still surprise me with his sudden change of emotions, or the occasional peek into his psyche.
"I don't know why I've kept these," he admitted with a sheepish smile. "I guess it's the fact that they represent some happy times as a kid."
"Or because you're an insufferable packrat," Eli chimed in, as he started hanging Christmas ornaments. He didn't catch the one finger salute Cain threw up behind his back, giving me a wink.
I started putting wire hooks into some of Cain's ornaments, getting ready to hang them. "Where did you grow up, Cain?"
"Chicago," he replied. "Until my parents divorced when I was thirteen, then I moved with my mother to Baltimore. I didn't see my father much after that," he said, shrugging.
I knew Cain well enough by now not to dig any deeper. If he wanted me to know more, he would tell me when he was ready. Compared to Eli and me, just from the bits and pieces that Cain had shared over the past several months, his formative years didn't sound particularly pleasant.
We were nearly finished trimming the tree when Eli looked at his watch. "Shit, I'm fifteen minutes late picking up Darce."
"Huh?" I asked, looking over at him as he headed for the closet.
"Shopping. We made plans yesterday."
"You're actually going out with all of the crazies on the worst fucking shopping day of the year?" I asked incredulously.
Cain snorted. "You know better than to ask, Paige. Dude doesn't miss a chance to out-shop Darcy."
"Yeah, as if," Eli chuckled, zipping up his jacket. "I'll stop on the way home for some Chinese take-out. Sound good?"
"Fine by me," I replied, placing an ornament on the tree. "Be careful out there."
Cain and I finished the tree, making small talk about our Christmases growing up. I felt a bit uncomfortable, like something was hanging over our heads that we weren't addressing. I finally had enough nerve to mention it.
"Cain, I know you're a private person and I totally respect that, but you and I need to talk about yesterday…about the kiss." I was stumbling over my words, not sure what his reaction would be.