“Sure.”
Things being what they were, I didn’t deny myself a double shot of whiskey and Coke, while waiting for the lady to shuffle through the cupboard, looking for a carton of filtered cigarettes. She stood back up, her face flushed and her bun crooked. I handed her a bill.
“How’s the piano business?” she said.
I didn’t have the heart to take a cheap shot.
“Could be better,” I said.
“Yes, well, you know, everybody’s scrambling these days.”
“Yeah?” I said.
“Yes. Times are tough all around…”
“Could I have a piece of pie, to go, please?”
While she went to get it, I picked up the bill which was sitting on the counter and put it back in my pocket. She wrapped some wax paper around my pie and put it down in front of me.
“That be all?” she asked.
“Yes, thanks.”
It was worth a try. Sometimes it works. It’s sort of a free lottery. It can get your spirits back up. The lady hesitated for a fraction of a second. I smiled at her like an angel.
“Not too much silver,” I said. “My change, I mean. My wife is tired of my complaining about the holes in my pockets…”
She laughed a little, nervously, then opened the drawer of her cash register. She gave me the change.
“Sometimes I think I’m losing my marbles,” she said.
“It happens to everyone,” I said.
I was in no hurry to get back to the store. A little piece of baked apple was hanging out of the wax paper, like a teardrop. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I zupped it. Paradise comes cheap here on earth, luckily-it keeps things in their proper perspective. What is it really that measures a man? Surely not breaking one’s ass to sell a few pianos-that would be sheer folly; it certainly isn’t worth ruining one’s life over. A tender corner of apple pie, soft as a spring morn-that’s something else. I realized that I’d taken this piano thing too seriously-I’d lost my head over it. It’s hard to stave off madness, though-you have to watch out every minute.
I started back, thinking of all this. I swore to myself that even if I sold nothing all day, I wouldn’t let it get to me. I’d zen it out. Still, a sale or two wouldn’t be bad. I told myself this as I walked through the door. Betty was smiling behind the cash register, fanning herself with a piece of paper.
“Taste this apple pie,” I said.
Talk about a smile-her face might have been polished with ammonia. It was like I’d just asked for her hand in marriage.
“You know,” I went on. “Let’s not delude ourselves. They say business is bad all over these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t sell anything today. I’m a victim of the global economy.”
“Haha,” she said.
“I personally don’t see anything to laugh about. But then again I’m more pragmatic…”
I was intrigued by the way she was fanning herself with the paper. It was winter after all, and despite the blue sky it was not particularly warm. The air seemed charged. Suddenly I froze-I blanched, as if I’d just stepped on a nail.
“It’s impossible!” I said.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Shit, no. It’s impossible-I left you here for ten minutes…”
“Yes, well, it was plenty of time. You want to see the order form?”
She held out the form-the one I couldn’t keep my eyes off of. I was floored. I slapped the receipt with the back of my hand.
“My God, why wasn’t it me who sold this? You want to tell me why it wasn’t…”
She came and took my arm, her head on my shoulder.
“It was you who sold it. It was thanks to you…”
“Yeah, right. Still…”
I looked around to see if some mischievous spirit wasn’t giggling behind a piano. Life tries to rattle you every chance it gets. I gave it my compliments-l saluted it for its skill at dealing out low blows. I breathed in Betty’s hair. Yes, I too knew how to cheat. I wasn’t going to be beaten so easily. I bit into the apple pie, and the miracle was accomplished-the storm went away, growling far behind me. I found myself standing before a calm sea.
“If you ask me, this calls for a celebration,” I said. “What would you like more than anything?”
“To go eat Chinese.”
“Chinese it is!”
I closed the store with no regrets. It was still a bit early, but why push your luck? One piano-I’d happily settle for that. We went off walking up the street-the sunny side-while she told me about her sale. I pretended to be interested. To be honest, it bugged me a little. I didn’t listen very closely to what she was saying; I was thinking more about the shrimp toasts I was going to scarf down. The girl bouncing around next to me reminded me of a school of glowing little fish.
We were walking past Bob’s place when he came running out, his eyes wild.
“Buenos días, Bob,” I said.
His Adam’s apple was sticking out like a gigantic knuckle. It made you want to push him back into the store.
“My God! Archie’s locked himself in the bathroom! He can’t get out! What a jerk that kid is. I’m going to try to get in through the window! My God, it’s high!”
“You saying Archie locked himself in the bathroom?” I said.
“Yeah. Annie’s been trying to talk to him through the door for ten minutes, but he doesn’t answer-he just blubbers. You can hear the faucet running, too. Shit, there I was, peacefully watching TV-why do people have children…?”
I ran behind him into the yard next to the house. Betty went up into the apartment. There was a big ladder lying in the grass. I helped him prop it up against the side of the house. The sky was bright. After a brief hesitation, Bob grabbed the sides of the ladder and climbed two rungs, then stopped.
“I can’t,” he whined. “I swear I can’t. This makes me sick…”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What do you think? I’m dizzy. What can I do? It’s like being up on a scaffold.”
I wasn’t especially acrobatic, but the second floor of a building didn’t scare me much.
“All right, come down,” I said.
He wiped his brow while I climbed up to the window. I saw Archie. The faucets were open full blast. I turned to Bob.
“I don’t see many alternatives,” I said.
He made a discouraged gesture below.
“Yeah, I know. Go ahead, break the goddamn windowpane.”
I smashed it with my elbow, opened the latch, and jumped inside. I was proud of myself-I’d compensated for the day, in extremis. I winked at Archie and closed the faucets. Snot was streaming down his chin.
“Have nice pIaytime?” I asked.
The sink was clogged and overflowing everywhere. I fixed that, then opened the door. There was Annie with the baby in her arms. Annie wasn’t bad. Her mouth was a bit floppy and she had a wild glow in her eyes-the type to avoid.
“Hiya,” I said. “Watch out for the broken glass.”
“Oh, for the love of Mike! Archibald, what’s got into you?”
Just then Bob showed up, out of breath. He looked at the puddles of water on the floor, then looked up at me.
“You can’t imagine all the stunts a three-year-old pulls. Yesterday he tried to close himself in the refrigerator.”
The baby started crying, twisting his little purple face into an abominable grimace.
“Oh darn, it’s time already,” sighed Annie.
She turned around and started undoing her buttons.
“Great, and now who’s going to wipe up this mess? Me, that’s who. I spend all day cleaning up after that little monster.”
Archie looked at his feet. He tapped them in the water. He couldn’t have cared less about what his father was saying. Betty took him by the hand.
“Come on, we’re going to read a book, you and me.”
She took Archie into his room. Bob told me to go make some drinks-he’d only be a minute. I went into the kitchen. Annie was sitting there, her nipple jammed in the mouth of Number Two. I smiled at her. I got out the glasses and lined them up on the table. We heard the bathtub emptying. I sat down at the table, having nothing else to do. Her breast was incredibly large-I couldn’t keep from staring at it.