“She was really annoying,” she said. “You should take it a little easier with people like that.”
That night we played Scrabble. I could have made the word ovaries and gotten a triple-word score, but I scrambled it and exchanged the letters instead.
Ordinarily I got up early when I had to make a delivery. This left me the afternoon to get my strength back. I had struck a deal with these guys who hauled furniture for a store a few blocks away. I’d call them the night before and we’d meet at the corner early the next morning. We’d load the piano in a van that I rented, then they’d follow me in their truck. We’d deliver the piano and I’d give them cash. They always gave me the same smile. The morning we were supposed to deliver the baby grand, though, things didn’t exactly work out that way.
We had a seven o’clock meeting time, but I found myself alone on the sidewalk, pacing, waiting for them to show. The sky was gray-it was obviously going to rain later in the day. I hadn’t wakened Betty, I’d just slid out of bed like a lazy snake.
Ten minutes later, I saw them round the corner slowly, coming toward me, skimming the curb. They were driving so slow I wondered what the hell they were doing. When they got to me, they didn’t even stop. The driver was behind the wheel, making gestures and grimacing at me, and the other one held up a sign that said, “THE BOSS IS ON OUR ASS!!” I saw the problem immediately. I pretended to tie my shoe. Five seconds later a dark car drove by: a little man in glasses at the wheel, his jaws set.
I was not amused. When I set a delivery date I keep it. I started thinking wildly, then broke into a sprint toward Bob’s store. The lights were on upstairs. I scooped up some gravel and threw it at the window. Bob appeared.
“Shit,” I said. “Did I wake you?”
“Not really, I’ve been up since Eve o’clock, trying to get you-know-who back to sleep.”
“Bob, listen. I got a problem… I’m all alone here with a piano to deliver. Could you get free?”
“Get free? Gee, I don’t know. To give you a hand? Sure.”
“Terrific. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
I thought that with three of us, we could get the piano through the window. The truck driver alone could carry a closet up six flights, but just Bob and me… I wasn’t sure. I went back to the van and took off for the rental place. I got a young guy with a striped tie and pants with creases like knives.
“Here,” I said. “I brought your van back. I need something bigger, with a device for unloading.”
The guy thought this was pretty funny.
“Great timing… so happens a guy just brought back a twenty-five-ton pickup with a hydraulic arm.”
“Exactly what I need.”
“Only problem is you got to know how to drive it,” he smirked.
“No problem,” I said. “I could drive a slalom course in a semi.”
The truth is that it was a hell of a machine to maneuver, and it was the first time I’d ever laid hands on one. I made it across town with no damage, though-it wasn’t as diabolical as I thought. You have to start with the idea that it’s up to everybody else to get out of your way. The day was having trouble dawning-the clouds seemed glued together. I went to get Bob. I brought croissants.
We all sat down at the table, and I had a cup of coffee with them. It was so dark outside they’d had to turn the lights on. The bulb in the kitchen was a bit cruel. Annie and Bob looked like they hadn’t slept in weeks. While we were devouring our croissants, the baby decided to throw a little temper tantrum. Archie spilled his bowl of cereal all over the table. Bob got up, teetering slightly.
“Just give me five minutes to get dressed, and we’re out of here,” he said.
Archie was washing his hands in the little stream of milk that ran over the edge of the table, and the other little one was still screaming. Why do I always have to bear witness to abominable things? Annie pulled a baby bottle out of a saucepan, and we could almost hear each other again.
“So,” I said. “You and Bob getting along a little better?”
“Well, let’s say we’re getting along a LITTLE better, but that’s all. Why, you have something in mind?”
“No,” I said. “These days I use all my energy to not think about anything.”
I looked ever at my little tablemate, who was busy making patties out of his cereal, squeezing it in his hands.
“You’re an odd duck,” she said.
“I’m afraid I’m not really… unfortunately…”
When we were finally outside, Bob looked at the sky and made a face.
“I know…” I said. “Let’s not waste time.”
We carried the piano out onto the sidewalk and tied the straps on. I went and got the user’s manual out of the glove compartment, then went over to the mechanical arm. There were all kinds of levers to work it-levers to start it, make it go left, make it go right, up, down, withdraw, extend, levers to work the claw. All you had to do was coordinate everything. I turned it on.
On my first try I almost decapitated Bob-he watched me do it from the other side, standing there with a little smile. The controls were supersensitive and it took me a good ten minutes of practice before I could work them well enough. The hardest part was avoiding the sides of the truck bed.
Don’t ask me how, but I loaded the piano. I was covered with sweat. We tied it down like madmen, then took off.
I might as well have been transporting nitroglycerin, I was so nervous. The storm was hanging over our heads. I could not morally allow it to rain on a Bosendorfer-l just couldn’t. Unfortunately the heavens slowly started descending, and the truck dragged along at thirty-five.
“Bob, I’m a hair away from sinking the ship,” I said.
“I know. Why didn’t we put a tarp over it?”
“What tarp? Did you see something that looked like a tarp?
Fuck, light me a cigarette, will you…?”
He leaned forward and pushed in the cigarette lighter. I glanced at the dashboard.
“What are all these buttons for, I wonder?”
“Beats me. I don’t recognize half of them…”
I had my foot to the floor, a cold sweat running down my back. Just another fifteen minutes, I told myself-a wink of the eye, and we’re home free. The suspense was killing me. I was biting the inside of my mouth when the first drop fell on the windshield. It hurt so bad I wanted to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth.
“Hey, I found the window-washer button,” said Bob.
When we got there I drove around the house and parked next to the window, doing a slalom between the flower beds. The lady was ecstatic, walking around the truck, wringing her handkerchief.
“I decided to handle this myself,” I explained. “All my men split on me at the last minute.”
“Yes, I certainly know how it is,” she complained. “So hard to find good help nowadays…”
“You said it,” I added. “Someday they’ll come murder us in our sleep!”
“Hahaha,” she said.
I jumped out of the truck.
“And we’re off!” I shouted.
“I’ll show you how to get the window open,” she said.
There were occasional light gusts of wind, cool and wet. I knew that every second counted. The piano shone like a lake. Inside, I jittered. The atmosphere was a little like in a disaster film-the part where all you hear is the ticking of the bomb.
I untied the piano with abandon. It rocked back and forth heavily. The sky was about to crack-I was holding it at bay with sheer brain power. As soon as the window was open, I aimed carefully, then sent it through. There was a sound of breaking glass. The first drop fell on my hand. I lifted a triumphant face to the heavens. I found each little drop prettier than the one before, now that the piano was safe and dry. It was with a happy heart that I turned off the controls and went to see what in the world I could have broken.