“What?”
“When you were sick last month, Gayle slipped and called you Lynn, then broke it off and switched real fast to Eden. If you prefer Eden, I don’t care. Don’t you understand, I don’t give a damn.”
“I hate Eden. As for Lynn—”
“Well, then—”
“It’s more, much more, and I don’t know how to—You’re the one who doesn’t understand.”
He said nothing, forcing himself to wait, forcing himself to patience, endless patience. She remained silent, staring down at the ring. He rose to stir the burning logs in the fireplace. The room was warm and smelled of holly and pine tree and hot chocolate. He looked over at the small Christmas tree, sparkling with multicolor lights. Together they’d threaded strings of popcorn and argued how best to place the bulbs. He insisted that half the decorations be his—a motley assortment of bulbs his sister had given him a good ten years before, and ancient tinsel, tangled and faded, looking as if a cat had mangled it. A Santa Claus bulb without a beard hung next to a very expensive antique Victorian Santa. He grinned every time he looked at the two of them side by side. It was the most beautiful tree he’d ever seen. He remained silent. The firelight made her candlelit living room glow and shimmer. He’d never been more scared in his life. Or more certain. He slipped the poker back in its rack, pulled the mesh back across the fireplace opening, then returned to join her on the floor. He sat opposite her, not next to her. He had all evening to get what he wanted.
“The ring is beautiful, Taylor.”
“Yes. I wanted the ring to be beautiful since I want it on your finger for the rest of our lives.”
“I’m very surprised. I wasn’t expecting—”
“A man to propose to you? A man who hasn’t yet even told you he loves you? You’re right. I didn’t do it right. I love you Lynn/Eden. Marry me.”
She was silent, not looking at him now.
“I could get on my knees and ask you again, but you’re already sitting on the floor so I don’t think it would have much romantic impact.”
“Oh, no, no.”
“Also, I didn’t have to sell my car to pay for the ring. I do have sufficient funds to keep us both very comfortably. My job is steady and the hours aren’t bad, except from time to time, as you already know.”
She was still silent, seemingly studying the nap of the carpet.
“If you want to keep modeling, that’s fine with me. If you want to sit on your rear end and eat chocolates all day, why, I’ll bring you a box of Fanny Farmer pecan turtles every night. If you want to start a family right away, that’s also fine. I’m easy, sweetheart. Whatever you want. I just want you to be happy. With me.”
His heart pounded. His mouth felt dry as dust. He wondered about the nap on the carpet. It must be fascinating, because now she was running her fingers against the grain. Why didn’t she say something, dammit? But she didn’t. He forged ahead. “If you want to stay here, I’ll move in with you. Or if you prefer my apartment, we can live there. However, I think the two of us together need more room. I think we should find a new apartment. I like the East Side, but the West Side is fine with me. I know a number of great hangouts over there. As I said, I’m easy. Whatever you want.”
Still she looked shell-shocked. She looked incapable of speech.
“Do you love me, Eden?”
She looked up at him then, so still she could have been a statue. She drew a deep breath and said, “I don’t know about love. I do know, though, that you’re miraculous, Taylor.”
He blinked at her. “You’re always surprising me,” he said, and that was true.
“I mean it. I never realized before that a man like you could even exist.”
“Why not?”
Too much too fast, he realized, and wanted to kick himself. Too straightforward, punching too quickly.
She merely shrugged. She still held the ring box. She hadn’t touched the ring inside.
“I guess you could say I haven’t had many good experiences with men.”
“They’re not me, these other men.”
“No,” she said. “They’re not. They weren’t.”
“Because I’m miraculous and I don’t ever want you to forget it. I also love you.”
He saw the fear in her and wished he could have the man or men who’d done this to her. And what had this man or these men done? His hands clenched into fists.
Tears were in her eyes. “I can’t. Not yet. I’m sorry, Taylor—”
He raised his hand and said easily, “I’ve got an idea. Tell me true now. Have you enjoyed having me around for the past month and a half?”
“Yes.”
“Have I ever frightened you?”
“Yes.”
“Let me rephrase that. Do you trust me now more than you did two weeks ago?”
“Yes.”
“Do you trust me not to hold you down and rape you?”
Hesitation; then, “Yes.”
Okay, he thought, she’d probably been raped. And she’d been in Paris in April nine years ago. He could check that out—French newspapers, magazines—to see if what had happened to her had happened there. He had a war to win and he couldn’t afford to have niggling scruples, not anymore. “Are you remembering how I slept with you for two nights? Are you remembering how you woke up in my arms?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t try anything, did I?”
“Maybe you were afraid I’d vomit on you.”
He grinned at that. “Could be, but I don’t think so. I was hard as a rock all night. I’m talking about my penis, in case you don’t know. But, Eden, it didn’t matter and it won’t matter. I would never do anything to hurt you, and that includes forcing any kind of sex on you that you don’t want.”
“Stop, Taylor, just stop! It’s not that. It’s just that I can’t—I know what you—that all men want sex and they want it often, but I can’t, I just can’t—”
“Not now,” he said easily. “No problem. I’m not blind or stupid, Eden. I have known for a good while that you don’t want to have anything to do with me, woman to man. No, don’t look so surprised. I won’t lie to you. In fact, it would be stupid for me to try to lie to you because when I kiss you, I know you can feel how hard I am, especially when you’re wearing your high heels. And we’re not just nose to nose. We’re everything to everything. It drives me crazy. I want you so bad I hurt with it. But I’m not a raving hormonal teenage boy, nor am I a macho fool. I want you the woman, not just your body. Can you possibly understand that?”
No, he saw, quickly enough, she didn’t understand that.
“No matter. We’ll work on it.”
She made a move to thrust the ring box toward him; then, just as quickly, she drew it back again. He was greatly pleased with the show of indecision.
“The ring is yours, Eden, just as I am also yours. You toss the ring away and I’m tossed away with it. You keep it, you also keep me.”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen to me, I’ve got an offer.” He sat back against the sofa, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked very big, very strong, very much a man, and she found herself, having focused on that, pulling back.
“You can go in the other room if it makes you feel any safer,” Taylor said mildly. “Is this position frightening you? No, okay, then. Ah, you’re looking surprised again. I know you, at least I’m coming to know you more every day. I have to walk on egg shells around you. Well, it’s tough and I’m getting tired of it, so I propose that we come to grips with things.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re still here? You’ve decided to show some courage? You’re sure I won’t jump on you?”