"And why did you do this?" he asked.
She answered simply: "She did not want her bath. I did. She told me to put that dress away; I wanted to see myself in it, so I ... put it on.”
"You are a pert young woman," he said.
"And very disrespectful.”
"You asked me," she flashed, 'and I answered.”
His eyes went over her, slowly, from her flushed face and tousled hair to her bare feet. It was the coldness of him that exasperated her, that aroused her fury; and when that was aroused, she could never give a thought to the consequences. A lump was in her throat; she was choking with anger and self-pity.
"I suppose you will have me whipped for this," she said.
"I don't care!”
"Oh? You do not mind the lash? You have experienced it? No? Is it not rather rash then to speak so lightly of it? Perhaps when you know something of it you will not be so contemptuous!”
"It is well for you to be so calm. You have not been dragged away from your home. You have not seen your father murdered, nor your mother die of neglect and cruelty. You have not lain in stinking Newgate and nearly died on a foul prison ship! You have not been taken into ... into someone's house as a slave...”
Her voice broke; tears began to stream down her face. He walked away and stood with his back to her.
"Doubtless," he said, "You are quite innocent of any crime.”
"I am innocent!”
"Of course! So is every convict I have ever met. They only rob and murder; that is perfect innocence. Now perhaps you will be good enough to get out of your mistress's clothes and into your own. Perhaps you will be good enough to keep to your own quarters.”
If only he had shown a little anger, she would have liked him better.
It was that coldness in him which exasperated her beyond endurance.
He turned his head slightly and gave her a swift look as though he found the sight of her too loathsome to be endured for more than the briefest second.
"Please wait," he said, 'until I have gone. I notice you have the charming modesty of our Newgate friends!”
The door closed; she heard the key turned in the lock. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were scarlet; her eyes brilliant with tears. How long had he stood there, watching her struggle into the frock? She put her hands to her cheeks, and a burning shame was in her eyes. The beast! The cold-blooded beast! How she hated him!
There were none quite as loathsome as the cold-blooded. Anger one could forgive, but that cold, calculated sarcasm... She took off the dress quickly. She was terrified he would come back. She got into her own clothes; she could not help noticing, even in her distress, how different she looked. She tried to stifle her sobs. He would hear; he would smile with satisfaction, the loathsome brute! She imagined his coming to the yard to witness her punishment. It made weals on your back, Marcus said, weals that left their mark for ever, that branded you.
She poured the water back into the cans, spilling a little on the floor, and hung up the dress, terrified all the time that he would return.
When she got back to the kitchen, she found the others had gone to bed.
She emptied the water away and went into the communal bedroom.
There was a candle burning. She saw James and Margery clasped in each other's arms; Poll was crooning over her. doll; Jin was snoring slightly.
Esther was awake though. She whispered: "What a long time you've been!”
Carolan answered quite steadily: "I had to put her clothes away.”
"I'm glad you've come back; I was frightened.”
"You are too easily frightened.”
"I know, Carolan, I know! I wish I were brave like you.”
"Well, get to sleep now. Good night.”
Brave! That was funny. She was trembling all over. She could feel the lash cutting into her flesh.
How I would love to put it about his shoulders! she thought, and hated him afresh. Cold eyes that betrayed no emotion. How I should love to make him suffer!
She thought suddenly of Marcus, of warm, friendly, passionate eyes.
Oh, Marcus! Marcus! I want you. Of course it's you I want.
"Carolan, what is wrong?" Esther was anxious. This morning when Margery had called to them to get up, Carolan had been so fast asleep that Esther had had to shake her to awaken her, and when Carolan did wake, her eyes were dark-ringed with sleeplessness.
"Wrong?" cried Carolan irritably.
"What should be wrong? Just everything... that is all! Do you enjoy this life of slavery?”
"But Carolan, today there is something more wrong than usual. Will you not confide in me?”
"Oh, Esther, how foolish you are! Nothing is any worse today than it was before. How could it be, when before it was as bad as possible?”
They stood at the sink, peeling potatoes. The dirty water ran up Carolan's arms. Every time the kitchen door opened, she trembled with fear.
He would spring suddenly, she was sure. He would not come into the kitchen himself. Perhaps one of the roughest of his men would be sent to take her to the yard. They would tie her hands and feet to the triangle. He would not be there; he would not even bother to look on.
There was no fire in him: he would coldly, calculatingly mete out what he considered justice. Crime Using mistress's bath water, dressing up in mistress's clothes. Punishment Fifty lashes. She imagined his keeping a little notebook, and writing such things in it. I would rather Jonathan Crew, she thought, than this cold, inhuman creature.
The morning wore on.
Margery said: "Are you in love, me lady? You're as droopy as a sleep walker.”
"In love!" said Carolan, hatred shining in her eyes.
"Ha! Ha! In hate, eh?" said Margery, observant, shrewd.
"Not in love? Has one of the men been disrespectful to your little ladyship? Is that what makes you look so fierce?”
"I am not looking fierce. Why cannot you let me be!”
"Tut-tut! Give yourself airs with the men if you must, but not with Margery. Don't forget there's the whip over the mantel, put into me hands by Mr. Masterman himself.”
The whip! Mr. Masterman! Try as she might, she could not keep her lips from trembling.
"Come over here and watch the meat. Jin'll finish them taties. Go on, Jin! And don't you give me none of your sullen looks, me girl, or it will be the whip for you as sure as I'm Margery Green.”
Real sparks of anger were in her eyes now. She would show the girl that she could not cast those eyes of hers on Margery's men. James had been mealy-mouthed enough last night.
"Why, look ye, Margy, d'ye think I want to take up with silly bits of gipsies! Not when I can get a bit of all right like you, girl!" Ready as you like, it came, and when a man's tongue was so ready, could you trust him?
Margery's fingers itched for the whip. She would have liked to lay it across the girl's face. Very pretty she would look with a weal across her gipsy face! But Mr. Masterman would want to know what had happened, if Jin served at table with a face like that. Margery was afraid of Mr. Masterman. Queer, cold man, he was, so that you all but forgot he was a man. Funny how the very thought of him kept them in order down here. Jin was afraid of him; she would not like him to know she carried that knife around with her. Jin had cast glances in his direction, but he wore a thick mask through which the arrows of desire could not penetrate.
"Bah!" muttered Margery, contemptuous yet with a certain awe, 'he's only half a man!”
She let her hand rest on Carolan's shoulder as the girl watched the spit. Lovely skin, like peaches warmed and touched with the sun. She had been washing her hair under the pump this morning, and the sun played about it, loving it you might say, making it more beautiful because it loved it so much.