CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I was in bed, leafing through a two-year old magazine about horses and thinking of Diana on horseback, galloping past me like the answer to a dream I’d never had, when there was a knock at the door. Before the last rapid rap of knuckles faded my heart was pounding hard in my chest.
“Hang on!” I stumbled out of bed, throwing on a robe over my skivvies and praying it wasn’t Kaz. I opened the door. It wasn’t.
“May I come in?” Diana asked in a whisper, as she worriedly looked up and down the hallway.
“Sure…”
Before I could say anything else she slipped in and closed the door, carefully and quietly, holding her left hand flat against the panel as she moved the doorknob with her right, turning it slowly only when the door was shut tight. She was wearing a light blue dressing gown, her golden hair was loose, and there were tears in her eyes. She turned and leaned back against the door, not moving except for her nervous hands.
“Want to sit down?” I moved to a small couch under the window, feeling like I was coaxing a frightened deer.
“I don’t know what I want… I feel like a fool, really… if Father finds out… I should go…”
She turned and put her hand back on the door, but she didn’t open it. Her head fell forward and rested against it, next to her hand. Her back heaved and she began to cry silently, teardrops raining down. I gently took her by the arm, just touching her elbow, led her to the sofa, and sat her down next to me. Her sobbing lessened and she sheepishly pulled a lace handkerchief from her dressing-gown pocket. She dabbed at her nose and eyes, giving me a little smile and not much else to go on.
“Diana, tell me what’s wrong. How can I help?”
“I can’t, Billy. I can’t tell anyone. That’s why I’m here.”
“I don’t understand-”
“Listen, Billy.” She perked up a bit as she gathered her wits about her and swung her legs up onto the sofa, tucking the ends of her dressing gown underneath them. She looked off for a second, her fingers fluttering in front of her eyes, as if she wanted to pull something away, something invisible between us.
“It’s not that anything is exactly wrong. Everything is happening as it should, just as expected. I’m worried… scared, actually.”
“About what?”
She put a hand up to her face to hide her eyes. It was as if she was battling a secret that wanted to come out, and the fight was costing her. Finally, she looked me straight in the eye, as her words flowed out at me.
“Billy, if there were all the time in the world, if you were here on holiday and all I had to do was train Father’s horses, things would be different. I would be very coy and flirt a little bit. After a few weeks, I would admit to you that the first time I saw you I thought you were handsome, attractive, and intriguing. I would then let you kiss me, once. But there isn’t time, not much time at all.”
She searched my eyes, looking for me to understand something she couldn’t explain. She overwhelmed me-her voice, her face, the blue of her gown reflected in her blue eyes. Everything overloaded my mind until I couldn’t think of anything except a wisecrack.
“Yeah, I hear there’s a war on. You haven’t said what you’re scared about.”
“What I’m trying to tell you is that even though we’ve just met, I feel comfortable with you, as if we’ve known each other before. And that I need a friend right now, someone to talk with. And, I have to admit, I like talking to you, even if I do make fun of you a bit.”
“Yeah, a bit. But what about Daphne? Can’t you talk to her? You two seem pretty close. My brother, Danny, and I are like that, though I’d never admit I was scared of anything to him.”
Diana avoided my eyes and looked out the window at the darkness beyond. I didn’t mean to turn her down, but I just didn’t understand what she was after.
“I can’t burden her, or Father. I don’t want them to worry.”
Then I understood. Even a thick-headed Irishman like me could understand now, and when I did, the bottom seemed to fall out of everything.
“Oh, I get it. Since we’re attracted to each other, you can burden me with your troubles, without actually telling me what they are, of course. But then, because we’re not really close yet, it won’t bother you to leave me to worry about you.”
“Why, Billy, you must really be a detective! So, you’re attracted to me, too?”
It was my turn to look away. I had never felt this shy with a girl before. I was trying to be mad at her but it just wouldn’t stick. She knew it, too.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I wanted to tell her about how I felt when I first saw her, but all I could manage was a mumble.
“Well, there’s some truth in what you say. I wanted to talk to somebody-I wanted someone to talk to me-who wouldn’t lecture me, and with whom I could cry if I wanted. But being with you, I don’t feel like crying as much as I did before. Unless that makes you uncomfortable, and you want me to leave?”
She started to get up, and I was pretty sure she was kidding, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
“No, stay as long as you want. I was tired of reading horse magazines anyway.”
She granted me a smile and adjusted herself on the couch, making herself more comfortable.
“Diana, tell me what the problem is; maybe I can help. Maybe General Eisenhower can-”
She leaned forward and put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me toward her. She pressed her lips against mine and kissed me like we were hungry lovers who had been apart too long. Just as suddenly as it began, it was over, and she pushed me away.
“There, that was our first kiss. I told you I would let you kiss me once. Now don’t ask me again about my problems!”
I was looking at her lips, still feeling the warmth of them pressed up against mine. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I knew I didn’t want to miss it.
“OK, OK! Instead, tell me what that little visit with your father in the library was all about. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted.”
“I think he was keeping me from you. From being alone with you.”
“Why? I’m a nice enough guy.”
“Father can be quite headstrong, but never mind him. I can be headstrong, too.”
Now she looked angry. I could tell she was trying to forget something as she spoke with a forced gaiety. “Tell me all about yourself. Tell me about your life in Boston. Do you go to parties much? Do you know any gangsters?”
“I’ll tell you I liked that first kiss…” I leaned in for another and was rewarded by a firm push against my chest that was almost a punch. Her strength surprised me and then I remembered how firm her handshake had been.
“I told you I’d let you kiss me once. Once was it-for tonight, anyway. You don’t take me for a loose girl, do you?”
I was about to mention that she had kissed me and not vice versa, but I rubbed the sore spot on my chest instead and thought better of it.
“Not at all. Can’t blame a guy for trying. You don’t hit like a girl.”
“So I’ve been told. Now, tell me all about Boston.”
I talked to her about my family, my kid brother, Dad, and Uncle Dan, and all their cop pals. I told her about being a cop-the real thing, not bragging about being a criminal detective or anything. I told her about the Boston neighborhoods, Southie, Back Bay, Chinatown, and the docks. I explained how I got here, Uncle Ike and everything. I didn’t even try to make myself sound like a big deal. It was so easy to talk with her that I never felt a need to lie or even dress things up.
We started out sitting with our legs up on the sofa. Soon we were stretched out with our legs intertwined. By the time Diana finished telling me about her life growing up at Seaton Manor, we were cuddled up together pretty good, my arm around her, her soft hair smelling like a warm summer day.
“It was a good place to grow up, but I missed having a mother. All my friends had mothers, and I couldn’t even remember what mine looked like. Father was wonderful, but there was always a missing piece, some part of me that felt like it could never grow up. I still wonder about her, what she was like, really, not what Father remembers or tells us.”