“Echreada Ufran pilrat sritarnem, de aflor drmep sehike! ” she replied, almost smug, not realizing I had a translator listening in.
I grabbed the nearest handy piece of clothing, which happened to be Miles’s baseball cap, and slapped her with it. The rudeness of my interruption clipped her curse short, shocking her into silence. But not for long.
“How dare you strike me?” she cried. “I am Ufran’s chosen, the shaman of my people!”
“Tell me about that. How does a woman without a tail or a single spot of blue on her nose rise to the highest place of honor among her people?”
“Ufran spoke to me,” she said simply. “He told me to return to the warren and take my rightful place. He said I deserved everything that had been denied me all the years my mother hid my identity and my deformity.”
“Where were you when Ufran gave you this message?” I asked.
“Ruvin and I were in Scotland adopting Laal.”
“And I suppose you traveled to Valencia, at Ufran’s bidding, soon after?” Her jaw dropped. “How did you know?”
I shook my head. “Did you arrange your own kidnapping?”
“How else was I supposed to get Ruvin’s cooperation?”
“You’re willing to sacrifice your husband for some insane scheme that’s only going to get your people killed?”
“If that is what Ufran commands.”
“Wow. You’re a bigger dumbass than I thought.”
The whole time we’d been talking, Cole had been making strange noises in my ear. Like he was holding back a bad cough. Now he lost it. Peals of laughter rocked my eardrums. I said, “Cole! What the hell?”
“Jaz! Look at Bergman!”
I raised my eyes. For a moment my lips sealed themselves and I feared Brude had retaken my brain.
Then I realized the shock had simply paralyzed me for the seconds it took to process the fact that our genius consultant, the most practical, logical person I knew, had gotten a perm. And dyed his hair blond.
“Aw, shit, Miles.”
Bergman’s shoulders slumped. “Cole gets all the girls. I thought, you know.” He grabbed one of his curls and tugged. “Maybe I could have just one.”
“But he’s never going to let any of us live this down.”
“Damn straight!” Cole hooted. “I’ve got the luv-do. Next thing you know Vayl will be stepping into the beauty shop for a little Cole-over.”
“See what I mean?”
Tabitha cleared her throat. “I like it.”
Even Astral sounded extra interested as she purred, “Hello!” CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
While Miles smiled shyly at his new admirers, I shoved the Braves hat back on his head. “Get a grip, dude. Literally. Keep this murdering piece of trash waiting in the street until I call for you. And whatever you do, don’t let her talk. Got it?”
He nodded.
“Astral’s got your back. Don’t hesitate to sic her on Tabitha if she gets out of line. I’m going back up.” I shook my head at the idiocy of some people.
Cole’s chuckles echoed through my head as I, once again, scaled Wirdilling’s old water tower. “I’m gonna make up a song about the Cole-do,” said my sniper, his ego ballooning so drastically I was surprised he didn’t float right off the roof. “What do you think about this one, Jack? We’ll rap it until we get some music down. Wild man, wild hair, waving in the breeze, like a whip-crack, lip-smack, gimme some squeeze. ”
Despite the fact that I could hear Jack’s enthusiastic woo-woo in the background, I snapped, “Keep your day job. In fact, tell me you’re actually doing your day job.”
“Chill, wouldja? I’m looking through my scope like I have been since I took position.” Short pause.
“C’mon. Admit you like my hair.”
“I’d like it better if your head wasn’t so full of—” I stopped, my hand on the platform. “I felt something,” I whispered as it began to thrum. “Get ready.”
I pulled myself up and took my original position just in time to see the sky car flying toward us from the direction of the trail.
“How did we beat them here?” Cole wondered.
“Vayl must’ve figured a way to slow them down,” I replied. “Kyphas! You got that hat of yours moded out?”
“I am readier than you are!” she said.
Grimacing, I pulled Grief and prepped it to fire as we moved to the north side of the tower, Kyphas on the post office corner, me on the Crindertab’s side. Now we could make out bodies, large and small, all of them moving inside the swaying vehicle. Vayl still rode the undercarriage, the outline of his body reminding me of a huge spider waiting to pounce.
“What are they doing here?” Tabitha screamed. “They’re supposed to be at the Space Complex!” She began to chant, more gnomish that I didn’t understand and Cole didn’t have time to interpret. But I could feel something stir inside the tower. “Shut her up, Bergman!”
“I’m trying! Ow! Stop biting me!”
“Watcha doing up there, mate?”
I took a second to glance down. A couple had strolled into the street. The girl I recognized as Polly, our waitress from Crinder-tab’s. She held a baby-blue robe closed across her chest, like she didn’t trust the belt to do the job. The guy she’d brought along wore a T-shirt, boxers, black socks, and ankle boots.
“We’re practicing a scene from the movie!” I said. “You’ll have to clear the street. We can’t risk—”
“I told ya, Lymon!” Polly said excitedly. “Didn’t I say we should keep an eye on these blokes? Never know when the cameras will roll. Do you need extras?” she asked.
“Incoming!” Cole yelled.
The tower began to shake hard enough that I had to brace myself against the wall. A crack appeared about ten feet above my head and worked its way to the top.
“Bloody hell!” I heard Lymon say. “Those are amazing effects!”
“Ow! Dammit!” Bergman yelled. “Jaz! Tabitha’s going for my nads! Astral’s chasing her own tail, and my mother taught me never to hit a girl!”
Fuck!
“Let her go, Miles!” I ordered. “And get those civilians under cover! Now!” The crack widened. I realized the only original wood was the material we’d been able to touch. The rest was gnome grown. And because people never noticed what they passed every day, rarely even looked up, no one had realized.
I clicked on the safety and stowed Grief in its holster. “I’m going in!” I said. The crack was now the width of my shoulders. But even if I jumped I wouldn’t be able to get a hand on the edge.
“Do you need a lift?” I’d run to Kyphas’s side of the tower, where she stood tossing her boomerang up and down so casually you’d have thought we were about to have a distance-throwing competition.
“Yeah.”
Giving me her I-know-more-than-you-do smile, she leaned over and cupped her hands. Which was when I hopped onto her shoulders and sprang onto the roof.
“Hey!” Her protest, backlit by Cole’s chuckle, was quickly lost in the wave of sound that washed into the tower as the sky car arrived right after me.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE
My hands sank through a foot of plant material until they found a solid support. Knowing a two-by-four when I felt one, I grabbed hold and flipped the rest of my body around to join my hands inside the tower.
My collarbone twanged as I asked it to contort more than it had since I’d broken it weeks before. But it held, giving my legs a chance to find the stud that angled up to meet the one I held. I worked my way to the floor of the tower just in time to look over and see Kyphas land on the balls of her feet beside me.
She grinned. “I’m better than you are.”
“Go ahead,” I told her, giving her Lucille’s winning smile. “Keep thinking that.” It’s just going to make kicking your ass that much more satisfying in the end.