They've defined the woman I'm going to be for the rest of my life."
He gripped her hand. "They don't have to. You don't have to let them."
"I can't wave a magic wand and go back to who I once was. Nobody can."
"You deserve some happiness."
She kissed his hand. "As long as I'm with you, I'm happy."
Though it pained him, both physically and emotionally, he slowly shook his head. "No. You don't need to be stuck with me."
"You're not getting rid of me."
He leaned up a little, wishing his head would stop spinning. And while there were better times and better places to have this conversation, he knew he had to tell her the one thing that might convince her that he wasn't the big, wonderful hero she'd painted him to be in her head.
"It's my fault, Lily. All my fault."
"Are you crazy? You saved my life. Not just tonight, not even just back in January. But every single day since." Her voice shook. "You gave me the motivation to get out of bed each morning, to keep working out with Sarge when I thought the pain would drive me insane. Even fighting with you, being mad at you, sending you away, treating you like crap when you came back-all of those things happened because you made me feel, Wyatt, when I once thought I would never feel anything again."
Maybe. That didn't mean she needed to live the remainder of her days based on feelings she'd had during her darkest ones.
Swallowing, his mouth dry, he told her what he'd been unable to tell her before. "When I say it's my fault, I mean, I am responsible for Boyd's release."
She stared down at him, confusion swimming in her blue eyes. "He got out because I wasn't around to testify and keep him in."
"The evidence that was thrown out," he insisted, "was tossed because of me. Because I exposed what was going on in the crime lab."
She sucked in a small, surprised breath.
"The DNA, the fibers, everything. It was all processed in the FBI lab right before I blew the whole place wide-open."
Her mouth in a small circle, she whispered, "Oh."
It was obviously sinking in, but he made it even more clear. "He never would have gotten off, could never have come after you, if not for that. Lily, I am entirely responsible for the release of your nephew's murderer."
"Ma'am, we're about to pull up to the emergency room. You'll need to move out of the way," a man's voice said before Wyatt could even hope for a reply.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "So damn sorry."
Then a paramedic appeared above him and he could no longer see Lily's face, couldn't gauge her expression.
And had no way of knowing if she'd be there when he woke up.
He was trying to push her away.
Now that she was safe, now that they would, hopefully, be able to return to Washington and take up their lives again, Wyatt had decided she was better off without him.
Lily couldn't pretend surprise. She'd known this day would come. Wyatt had told her many times that he was a loner, an intense man who had never had room in his life for anyone else and liked it that way.
"Well, too bad, mister," she whispered as she paced the waiting room of the hospital. He'd been in surgery for a couple of hours, the doctors trying to save his arm, repair all those ripped muscles and tendons. Her heart broke when she thought of the pain he'd been in and all the pain yet to come when he had to rehabilitate that arm.
She knew a really good therapist. And she'd be right by Sarge's side in urging Wyatt on. Because Lily wasn't going anywhere.
If he had told her he didn't care about her, didn't love her, maybe she'd have thought twice. But since she wouldn't have believed him, maybe not. She probably would still have argued it with him.
He hadn't said that, however. He'd merely tried to drive her away by confessing something that had obviously been racking him with guilt. How utterly Wyatt. Tormenting himself because he'd done the right thing and it had just happened to have an effect on her life.
He just didn't get it. Doing the right thing despite all the obstacles, and the possible repercussions, was one of the things she loved most about him. Just like he'd done the right thing in saving her life, hiding her, keeping her alive all those months when he had known what it would eventually cost him.
A lot.
But they'd deal with that later, with what would happen to Wyatt for the decision he'd made to help her. For now, she was doing as much as she could to lessen the impact. Lily had already managed to get a message to the director's office, going over Crandall’s head entirely. Though of course she hadn't spoken with the director himself, especially late on a Saturday night, she had gotten a few assurances from one of his assistants. With the local police backing every word of her story, she'd been promised her case would be handled fairly and that she could return to Washington to turn herself in tomorrow.
Tonight, she had other things to do. Namely, keep a quiet vigil during the long hours when Wyatt was in surgery. Finally, at around four a.m., a doctor came in to inform her it was over. Lily, who'd been dozing on an uncomfortable couch, leapt to her feet immediately, asking only the most important question. "Is he going to be okay?"
"Yes, fine. Time will tell how much use he will regain of his right arm."
"Fortunately, Doctor," she said, already heading for the waiting room door, "he's a lefty."
Not letting anyone get in her way, Lily headed to the recovery room. A nurse pointed to the curtain, and Lily yanked it back, seeing him lying in the bed. Bandages covered his neck, arm, and shoulder. And while he should probably have been woozy from anesthesia, his blue-eyed stare was sharp as he watched her enter.
"You stayed."
She walked to the bed and kissed his forehead. "Of course I stayed. And I'm going to keep on staying."
"I'm not the right man, Lily."
"You are the only man. The only one, ever."
"You're so young."
"You're crazy-I'm thirty years old. Definitely old enough to know what I want, and that is you, Wyatt Blackstone. Only you."
He shook his head wearily. "It's a bad idea. I can't give you what you need. A normal life, a family…"
She frowned. "I want you to be my family. Just you, nobody else, ever. And you should be aware of that up front."
He stared up at her, and she knew he realized what she meant.
"I'm not kidding, not reacting hastily. I know what I want and what I don't." She lowered her voice, reaching to tenderly brush his dark hair back from his handsome face. "And what I want is you and me, forever. You are the only one who sees me as I really am. Not the pretty, gentle girl I was, but the strong, tough woman I've become."
He lifted a shaky hand and touched her cheek, then slid his fingers through her hair to the scarred ear. "You're beautiful."
She tilted her cheek into his hand. "I know I am, in your eyes. What's even more important, you can see the darkness in me and still think I'm beautiful. And I know you can help me live my life around that darkness, not expecting to plow straight through it, but always skirting it, careful and alert to its borders, respectful of its dangers. But not mired in it. Do you understand?"
He hesitated, then nodded once. Of course he understood. He'd been living his life the same way since he was a little boy.
"I love you," she said simply, baring herself entirely. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,"
He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, she saw pure, unguarded warmth. Tenderness. Emotion. "I love you, too, Lily."