Shaun frowned. “Know what?”
“About us.”
Shaun sucked in air. “Oh damn, I was going to ask you about that. I mean, I bet you’ve got all kinds of traditional shit that…I mean protocol that I should be doing. Like calling him and telling him we are mates and—”
“I don’t want to.” She couldn’t read his reaction. Was that panic or relief? “I mean, I want him to know, and he’s a great dad and all, but he’s used to getting his way, and until we figure this out…” She waved a hand between them. Oh dear, what a mess she was.
Shaun caressed her fingers. “I think I know what you mean, but I’m serious. If there’s something I can do to help, tell me?”
She nodded. “I will.”
They sat quietly for a minute, then he leaned forward, curiosity on his face.
“So, why the baseball with the phone?”
She pointed to the desk where she’d spread out her work. “I’ve been going through my notes. The information I need to gather to complete my report. And suddenly it just all seemed stupid. A total waste of time and money. I’m a small cog in a tiny wheel. What difference does it make if I do this or not?”
“Hell. Your research makes a huge difference.”
That was not what she’d expected to hear. “Really?”
Shaun’s mouth twisted into a wry grin. “Okay, earlier I said you were insane—I mean, we thought the scientist who booked the trip was insane. And we do need to talk about the details, but the actual reason you’re here isn’t the study, right? I mean, really, really why you’re here.”
Gem collapsed back against the couch to stare across at him. Her studies had originated from her interest in science and the environment, that was true. But arranging a project that required a trip that would take her as far away from home possible?
That had nothing to do with scientific discovery, and everything to do with discovering herself.
“I just want to prove I can make it on my own. For a little while.”
Shaun snorted. “And then I drop into your life, and you’re still not alone. Not even after traveling all that distance.” He lifted her knuckles and kissed them lightly. “I’m sorry for crowding you, but I’m not sorry I found you.”
Gem couldn’t talk for a moment, her throat was so tight. She nodded. “Me too. I’m just so all over the place right now—both my mind and my emotions. What if all this time they’ve all been humouring me? My professor, my fellow students? Maybe I don’t belong anywhere but protected and under the firm control of—”
“Bullshit.” Shaun leapt to his feet and towered over her. “Where the hell did that come from? Where’s the woman who less than a week ago told me and my wolf to cool our jets?”
She stared in shock. “I didn’t say that to you.”
He laughed. “No, you told me it was ‘more appropriate to continue with my usual systematic preparations and consider our attachment to be on a temporary hiatus’.”
Gem cradled her head in her hands. “I can’t believe I said that when I really didn’t want to send you away. I also don’t want to make my father unhappy, but him calling me all the time, and emailing—I wish he wouldn’t, and yet I miss him terribly. It’s so confusing.”
A pair of dusty shoes moved into her line of vision as he squatted in front of her. “I’m with you on that one, love. I’ve never been so wishy-washy before in my fucking, I mean, my entire life.”
They stared at each other, and a tiny strand of electricity slid from where his hands rested on her knees. The sensation wasn’t sexual, not this time. It was cool and calming. Like a hands-on application of peace, and Gem leaned her head against his shoulder.
They sat like that for a while, breathing slowly. Drawing strength from each other. Finally, he wrapped an arm around her and changed position to sit at her side. They leaned back, her head on his chest, his hands stroking her hair, her cheek. Her neck.
“Surprise, surprise—there are layers to this mate thing.” Shaun spoke quietly.
Gem had never experienced anything like it before. “I don’t feel so worried anymore.”
“It’s the connection between us. Being mates will help us through all kinds of situations. I’ve heard others talk about it, but man—that was cool. Totally new.”
Mates had many deep levels of connection, and in the midst of her other concerns, she’d completely forgotten something. “Shaun, can you hear me talk to you?”
His soft laugh stroked her. “Umm, yeah?”
“No, not this way.” She sat up and turned to face him. “In your head.”
“Hell. I haven’t.” Shaun stopped and stared at her, obviously attempting to say something. She waited.
He waited.
Nothing happened.
Shaun grunted in frustration. “It’s not working. Maybe we won’t have a mate connection like that. It’s one of those things, some do, some don’t. Or we need more practice.”
That didn’t make sense. “But when we made love the first time, I heard you.”
“Really?”
“I told you, remember?”
His mouth opened, then closed and his gaze darted away. “Umm, no. Forgot…about that.”
Sadness hit again, the tranquility of the previous moments diluted by a sense of loss. “Do you ever think we’ll be able to?”
There was a trace of something—worry? fear?—on his face, right before he smiled and tweaked her nose. “We might need to exercise more or something. Remember, we only met a few days ago. And we haven’t had the chance to do a lot of things, not even go for a run together. Let’s give it time.”
She still felt as if there was something he wasn’t telling her, but after the closeness they’d shared, she didn’t want to damage their fragile intimacy.
The rumbling in her stomach provided as good a topic change as anything.
He pulled her to her feet. “Sounds as if we need supper, then we have to pack. I suggest we head out tomorrow.”
Gem moved toward her suitcase. “Really? The herd is that close?”
“No, but remember I mentioned Chicken? We’re going to wait there for a bit. It should be a little quieter than here and more things to look around at. We’ve kind of done Dawson to death.”
He made himself busy. Gem watched in confusion as he untied and tied his laces. Twice. What was going on?
“Shaun?”
He snapped his head up. “Yup? Ready to go?”
She hurried to finish changing. “In a minute. By the way, where were you today? I thought we were going to go do something. When you didn’t come back, I was worried.”
Pacing. He was definitely pacing. “Sorry about that. Just got caught up talking with people. That’s all.”
Suspicion grew. “What people?”
“People.” He glanced at his watch. “Oh my, look at time. If we want to find a seat we’d better—”
“Shaun, where were you?”
He reached for her hand, and she reluctantly allowed him to take it. “I was talking to some of the locals, and I lost track of the time. Sorry.”
His dark eyes shone with sincerity. Then he switched topics, becoming utterly charming and entertaining for the rest of the evening. As much as she’d loved the closeness they had shared, there was something marring the joy of it.
She still wanted to know where he’d gone.
Chapter Ten
The expression of delight on Gem’s face was so endearing Shaun found himself tripping as he walked down the street by her side, attempting to catch every nuance. The town of Chicken was pretty cool. It had changed in the past couple of years, becoming more of a touristy getaway spot for shifters, and less one-hole-away-from-the-entrance-to-nowhere.