For our fourth date, I hung out at her place and she showed me an ayahuasca vine she’d ordered from the internet. We checked the internet for tips as to how to strip it and make tea, but we never did it.
I held her cats and my face itched something fierce, but I didn’t mind.
She’d check her phone and tell me, “It’s time for you to go. He’s coming over.”
I’d tell her we should fuck first.
She’d say, “He’s literally on his way.”
Then we’d do it frantically, quickly, and she’d shove me out the door with my pants still down.
The fifth time I saw her, I went to a party and we shared looks but said nothing. All the men at the party swarmed her.
We kissed behind a door quickly and she ran off.
Our sixth meeting, she gave me books to read. I met up with her and her man and their friends at a bar and we all laughed and carried on and I touched her leg under the table.
Seven was the park. We sat in the empty outdoor stadium on the stone steps and watched Renaissance Fair kids practice sword fighting.
Eight was when she told me that she couldn’t be in a relationship, and she just had a need to explore and find out what worked for her, but that she couldn’t tell her man because he wouldn’t understand. She was torn that way: there was a wild life that she wanted and then this gravity, this man with feet firmly planted. So she did both. All of it. When she wanted.
I loved that she was that way. I loved that when we were together, we were best friends, but that when I left, there was someone else to be her best friend.
Our ninth date, she took me to a greenhouse. She named the plants for me. There was a tree in the greenhouse from Africa that only needed a few drops of water a year. “Any more than that, and it will die,” she said.
We turned on music back at her apartment. We smoked a bowl. Laying in bed, she said, “We’re all our own. That’s all we can be.”
I liked that.
I liked her.
My steps were light.
I had found the track.
Shane texted me on our tenth date. Shara and I finished up a game of minigolf. I told her about what to expect. Her eyes went wide. “We can roll tonight?” she said. “Let’s fucking go.”
ARAGUIN
When we pulled up there were cars parked on the lawn. Bass rattling the house. Shara kissed me quick on the cheek and hopped out. I followed.
Charlie greeted us at the door.
“No Mustang,” I said.
“Yeah, I finished it,” he said. “I don’t know if it’s in much better shape, but the guy seemed happy. So whatever.”
He handed us beers.
I saw Shane sitting on the couch. I sat down next to him. Shara wandered into the kitchen to mingle with the hoodrats.
Shane nodded at her. “Nice, man.”
“Thanks.”
“How have you been?”
I chugged half the beer. “I’ve been good, man. You?”
“Better. Things have been better.”
Outside it began to pour sleet.
“How did all that shit go?”
“I paid them.” And that was all he said on that.
He reached into his pocket and brought out two pills. “One for you, and one for your girl.”
I examined the capsule. “It’s brown.”
“It’s some new shit. Super pure. I’m feeling great.”
I ate mine and got up and gave Shara hers and got another beer. Sat back down with Shane. He’d gotten more tattoos on his face. When he smiled they overlapped.
The pill kicked in.
We talked for a long time about this and that.
“So you wash dishes.”
“I wash dishes.”
“What’s that like?”
“It’s like. I don’t know. It’s like scrubbing pots.”
“Scrubbing pots, right.”
“And you?”
“I’m selling again. Back in my element.”
“Elemental being.”
“That’s me.”
The party kept up and two folks rap battled in the living room. We watched them. Shara hollered and threw her fist up and danced.
“She’s a wild one,” he said.
I nodded.
Shane told me, “I’m not sure if I’m ever meant to be happy. I thought a lot about what you said. About being the man who stops for stoplights. I started thinking about what we are here to do. And I think I know. I’m here to be a heathen. That’s my thing. I can’t be any other way. I’m on some howl-at-the-moon shit. I’m okay with that. But sometimes I wish I could get happy.”
“You could.”
“You could. You’re built to be happy. It’s just, the thing about people built that way. They don’t know what to do when that’s not the way it is anymore.”
“I haven’t felt happy in a bit.”
“I think you have. I think you just live with it. So it’s like, furniture. It just is. You don’t know.”
Shara sat down next to us. Shane said, “I can see your aura plain as day.”
She crossed her legs and stared deep into him. “Yeah?”
“Yep. You’re a bright red.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Passion.”
Charlie stumbled over to us and grabbed me by the arm and dragged me outside. We smoked cigarettes on the porch.
“So I’ve got this thing,” he said. “Where Starburst, you know the candy right, Starburst will pay me to have a Caddy here at my place. They wrap the body kit in Starburst shit and they pay me to drive it around. I have this thing.”
“That sounds cool.”
“It is.” He took his cell phone out. “Let me show you pictures of all the bitches I’ve fucked since I saw you last.”
He showed me for fifteen minutes.
“That many?” I said.
He nodded. “It’s been like a monsoon. But with, like, pussy juice.”
I peeked in the window. Shane and Shara were still talking. She had her leg draped over his lap.
I thanked Charlie for the smoke and went back inside.
I said, “Well, I think it’s about time for us to head out.”
They didn’t say anything.
Shara hopped up from the couch and took my arm and led me over to a corner.
“We’re gonna go back in his room.”
My guts turned. “All right.”
She touched my face. “Want to come, too?”
The drugs made my face hot. I said, “Sure.”
She went back to the couch and picked Shane up by the hand. She led us into the bedroom.
Shane stuck out his split tongue at me.
I smiled as best I could.
Shara kissed Shane, then she kissed me. Back and forth like that, and I measured the time between.
She got on her knees. Shane unbuckled his belt and his pants slumped to the floor. She sucked him off and I took my pants off and started pulling on myself, watching them. She pulled her lips off him and turned to me and looked up at me with these eyes and I wish I’d seen those eyes otherwise. She worked on me.
We got on the bed and Shara put me back in her mouth and Shane got in her from behind and we rolled like that. Her face turned red and Shane hit it so hard her forehead bumped into my stomach. She took some time to breathe and looked back at him and told him, “Holy fucking shit, yes,” and then got back to me. I looked up at the spackle in the ceiling. Shane said, “I’m gonna come all over this ass,” and then he pulled out and did it.
She looked back at the mess he’d made and arched her back and kissed him. She said, “I don’t know if I’ve ever been fucked that hard in my life.” I pulled her away and laid her on the bed. I began to sweat. Shane was catching his breath. She put her hand on my face and looked in my eyes and told me to come inside, but I pulled out and shot it over her belly.