“And I’ll tell you I need time to think, time to settle, and time to figure out what it is I want this time.”
“I’ve got time. I have to run into town. Do you need any supplies?”
“No, we’re good.”
“I’ll be back in an hour.” He tugged her over, pressed his mouth to hers.
MAYBE WORK WAS a crutch, Lil admitted. Something to lean on, to help her limp along after a hard knock. It still had to be done. So she hauled food while the animals chorused. She watched Boris pounce on his dinner, rip at it. And thought, If things go well, he’ll have company within the week.
Another notch in the refuge’s belt, true enough, she mused. But more important, to her, another abused animal given sanctuary, freedom-as far as she could manage-and care.
“So how was your adventure?”
From the smile on Tansy’s face, Lil concluded her friend had wit nessed her humiliating exit earlier. And those who hadn’t actually seen it had certainly heard of it.
She owed Coop for that one.
“Men are idiots.”
“Often true, but we love them for it.”
“He decided to do the caveman routine so he could tell me why he stabbed me in the heart back in the day. Manly pride and for my own good, and other bullshit reasons, which-natch-I was too young and starry-eyed to consider or understand at the time. Better to rip me to bloody pieces than to actually talk to me, right? Stupid bastard man.”
“Wow.”
“Did he ever consider what it did to me? How much it hurt? That I thought I wasn’t enough for him, that he’d found someone else? That I’ve spent damn near half of my life trying to get the hell over him. And now he’s back and, gee, Lil, it was all for you. I’m supposed to just jump and cheer, and be what, grateful?”
“I couldn’t say. And probably shouldn’t if I could.”
“He’s always loved me. Always will love me, and tra-la-la. So he hauls me off like I’m some package he can drop off and pick up on his whim, again for my own good, and dumps all this in my lap. If I were less civilized, I’d kick his ass for it.”
“You don’t look very civilized right at the moment.”
She heaved out a breath. “Well, I am, so I can’t. Plus, it would be sinking to his Neanderthal level. I’m a scientist. I have a doctorate. And you know what?”
“What, Dr. Chance?”
“Shut up. I was dealing with all this, with him, with me, with it before this. Now I don’t know what the hell to think.”
“He told you he loves you.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is? You love him. You told me when you and Jean-Paul called it a day it was because you were still in love with Coop.”
“He hurt me, Tansy. He ripped me to pieces, again, just by telling me why he did it in the first place. And he doesn’t see that. He doesn’t get that.”
Tansy put her arm around Lil, drew her against her side. “I do, honey. I really do.”
“I can even understand, intellectually. If I step back and look at everything he said, objectively, I can nod sagely. Yes, of course, that’s reasonable on this particular level. But I’m not objective. I can’t be. I don’t care about reasonable. I was so pitifully in love.”
“You don’t have to care about reasonable. You only have to care about how you feel. And if you love him, you’ll forgive him, after he suffers.”
“He should suffer,” Lil stated. “I don’t want to be fair and forgiving.”
“Hell no. Why don’t we go inside? I can make Men Suck margaritas. I can stay tonight, thereby avoiding my own idiot man. We’ll get drunk and plot female world domination.”
“That sounds so good. I could really use all of that. But he’s coming back. Until we’re secure here, that’s the way it’s going to be. I need to deal with it, somehow. Plus, I can’t get drunk on Men Suck margaritas-though you do make the champions-because I have to work. I have to work because some asshole hauled me off for two hours.”
She turned, wrapped her arms around Tansy. “God, God, there’s a man dead, and his wife must be destroyed. And I’m standing here, feeling sorry for myself.”
“You can’t change what happened. None of it’s your fault.”
“I can think that, intellectually again. Not my fault, not my responsibility. But Tansy, my gut says differently. James Tyler was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it was the wrong place and time because this maniac’s focused on me. Not my fault, no. But.”
“When you think like that, he scores points.” Firmly, Tansy drew her away so their eyes met. “It’s terrorism. It’s psychological warfare. He’s pushing at you. For him, Tyler wasn’t any different than that cougar or that wolf. Just another animal to be bagged and used to get to you. Don’t let him get to you.”
“I know you’re right.” She wanted to say “but” again. Instead, she gave Tansy another hug. “You’re awfully good for me. Even margarita-free.”
“We’re the smart girls.”
“We are. Go on home, and deal with your own idiot man.”
“I guess I have to.”
Lil checked on the injured fawn-treated, fed, and secured in an area of the petting zoo. If she healed clean, they’d release her to the wild. If not… well, she’d have sanctuary here.
Time would tell.
She spent another hour in her office. She heard trucks leaving, trucks coming. Staff heading home, volunteer guards coming. Soon, she thought, the security system would be finished and she could stop imposing on neighbors and friends. Now she could only be grateful for them.
She went out, and spotted Gull immediately. “Gull, nobody expected you to come here tonight.”
“I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. It’s better to be doing something.” He might’ve looked a little peaked yet, but his eyes were healthy enough to be lethal. “I half hope that son of a bitch comes around here tonight.”
“I know it’s terrible, but because of you, his wife knows. She’s not wondering anymore. If you hadn’t found him, it would be worse. She’d still not know.”
“Willy told me her boys came.” His lips pressed together as he looked off and away. “Her sons came, so she’s not alone.”
“That’s good. She shouldn’t be alone.” She gave his arm a rub before she walked on.
When she stepped inside the cabin, Coop was on the couch, his laptop on the coffee table. He turned something over, casually-too casually-as she stepped in.
A photograph, she thought, from the brief glimpse.
“I can make a sandwich,” she said. “That’s about all I have time for. I want to go take my shift outside.”
“I picked up a pizza in town. It’s in the oven on warm.”
“Okay. That works, too.”
“I’ll finish up here. We’ll grab a slice together, and take first shift.”
“What are you working on?”
“Couple of things.”
Annoyed with the nonresponse, she simply walked back to the kitchen.
There, on her table was a vase filled with yellow tulips. Because they made her eyes sting and her heart soften, she turned away to get plates down. She heard him come in as she dealt with the pizza.
“The flowers are pretty, thank you. They don’t fix things.”
“Pretty’s good enough.” He’d had to nag the woman who owned the flower shop to open back up and sell them to him. But pretty was good enough. “Do you want a beer?”
“No, I’ll stick with water.” She turned with two plates and nearly rammed him. “What?”
“We could take a break tomorrow. I could take you out to dinner, maybe a movie.”
“Dates won’t fix things either. And I don’t feel right being away too long. Not now.”