I chew my bottom lip, wanting so bad to blame all this on her but I know it’s not the truth. “It’s not your fault,” I sigh. “It’s mine. I’m the only one to blame for what’s going on between us.”
“Are you going to fix it?”
She asks it so calmly, so simply – like she just asked me if I’m going to fix the flat tire on my car.
“I’m going to try.”
She nods, seeming to take that in. “Good. Don’t give up on her. My Little, she’s stubborn, and she’s not one to let other people know when she’s hurt. She thinks it’s better to put up her guard and appear invincible than to admit she’s been broken.”
“I’m picking up on that.”
Erin smiles a soft smile. “Just get her alone and talk to her. I know she cares about you.”
I nod and she turns, walking back to join Jess, Kade, Cassie, and Adam as Ashlei pops up beside me.
“So, looks like all of that went well.”
“Yeah.” I nod sarcastically. “Just perfectly.”
Skyler doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. And, to make matters worse, she’s clearly trying to get to me because she’s dancing with every guy she can – even a few freshmen. Every time she grinds against them and they paw at her in her dress I have to clench my fists in my pockets and turn away to keep from running over and sucker punching them. At this point, being here is torture.
“I think I’m going to head out,” I tell Ashlei. She’s at the bar getting another drink and gives me a pouty lip.
“Boo. You should stay, it’s almost over anyway.”
I look over my shoulder at Skyler dancing. She makes her way up onto the small stage and has literally a crowd of guys fawning over her.
“I just can’t really take anymore tonight, Ashlei,” I say, turning back to face her. Her mouth pulls to the side and she nods, seeming to understand. I pull her in for a hug. “Thanks for trying.”
I’m making my way toward Kade and the rest of my brothers to let them know I’m heading out when I hear gasps and screams ring out on the dance floor. My head jerks just in time to see Skyler hit the floor with a sickening crunch.
I sprint through the room and past the crowd gathered on the dance floor, yelling for them to back up as I reach Skyler. Erin is already there kneeled down beside her.
“She lost her footing on the stage and fell off. She’s not answering me,” Erin says frantically. Panic sets in and I pull Skyler up into my arms, moving the fallen hair from her face.
“Skyler, it’s me, it’s Kip. Skyler, baby, can you hear me?” I yell over my shoulder for someone to go get water and a rag from the bartender as I gently shake her, trying to get her to come to. She’s breathing fine, but I’m not sure if she’s been knocked out or if she’s just dazed. Slowly, her eyes flutter open and she groans.
Thank God.
“Fuck, Skyler, you scared the shit out of me.”
She leans into me more, her hands wrapping around my neck as she buries her face in my chest. “Ouch.”
We all laugh a little and I pick her up in my arms just as one of her younger sisters returns with the rag and water. I tell her to wet the rag and then I place it against the back of Skyler’s neck and she sighs, gripping my neck tighter.
“Let’s get you home,” I say softly into her ear and she nods. Erin and the other girls tell me to call them if I need them and I make my way out, climbing in the first cab I see and giving the driver the sorority house address. I’d rather take her to my place, but I know that’s not what she wants right now.
She’s still holding onto me tightly as we drive and my body can’t help but react to the electricity that always flows between us. Slowly, Skyler lifts her face to mine, staring into my eyes for a few seconds before leaning in and pressing her lips to mine.
Her lips are soft, her perfume and the way she feels in my arms enveloping all my senses. I want to kiss her back, to tell the cab driver to take us to my place instead, but I know it wouldn’t be right.
“Skyler.” I pull back and my heart literally breaks when I see her face fall. “You’re drunk. You don’t want to kiss me.”
“Yes I do,” she whispers, but her eyes fill with tears and she pulls away from my grasp and slides over into the opposite seat. My body instantly craves her the moment our contact is broken, but I remain on my side of the cab, watching her warily. “You know, this just might be the worst downswing I’ve ever experienced.” She turns from the window and looks me straight in the eye. “I never could have expected I’d lose so much of myself betting on you.”
Her words sink into my skin like a sharp knife, separating my muscles from the bone, making me feel even lower than I thought possible. She looks out the window again and I try to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t.
“I love you,” I say the words before I can stop myself, but I mean them just as much as I did the first time I said them.
She chokes a little, her face twisting as tears start to fall. “Well I fucking hate you.”
I swallow. “No you don’t.”
She turns to face me, letting me see the tears staining her face with mascara. “I want to.”
And I know she means that. If she didn’t love me, if I didn’t love her, none of this would hurt the way it does. I should tell her everything now, but by the way her lids sink low and her words slur together, I know she’s too drunk to process it anyway. I don’t want her drunken pity, I want her sober forgiveness.
We pull up to the house and I jump out and open her door for her, helping her out of the cab and helping her up to the door. “Are you okay? Are you going to be sick?”
She laughs a small, subdued laugh and rolls her eyes. “I’m fine. I’ve been drunk a few times before, you know.”
“I just want you to be okay.”
Her eyes shoot to mine. “I find that hard to believe.”
Swallowing, I take a step backward and nod. There are other words hanging between us, other things that need to be said, but neither of us grab for them. We just let them stay suspended as we stare at the other, waiting. Finally, Skyler wipes a fresh tear from the side of her face and reaches for the door handle.
“See you in Vegas,” she says, but she pauses, looking over her shoulder. “Oh, and happy birthday.”
She closes the door and I glance down at my watch. It’s just past midnight on the sixth of April.
Yeah.
Happy birthday to me.
When I check into my room at the Aria, I can’t help but feel like a bird in the pouring down rain – so desperate to fly, yet with no means to get off the ground. I’m broken, and I just wish the only thing that could fix me wasn’t the one thing I need to stay away from.
The past month has been absolute hell. I somehow managed to make it through the rest of the semester and finish out my classes, but just barely. Practicing for the tournament has been nothing but me playing like complete shit. I’m off my game, and it’s not a secret, anymore.
I drop my luggage and sit down on the bed, looking around at the beautiful room. I have an incredible view of the strip from my window and the bed is luxurious. Whites and purples cover the room and every amenity is top of the line and brand new. The Aria is one of the newer hotels on the strip and this is the first year they’ve hosted the American Poker Club Tournament. I just wish I had someone here to celebrate this amazing room with me.
I thought it would be Kip here with me. I planned on asking him to join me before everything happened. My Little was going to come but I knew she wanted to get a head start on her summer classes, so I told her it was okay. I’m sure the other girls would have come, too, but to be honest I was tired of them asking if I was okay. Why is it that I can hold everything together until someone asks me that one question? I’m fine, until you ask me if I’m fine.